Super Simple Ways To Become A More Exciting Person

We don't always realize it, but it is often in very, very small moments that people decide whether they like us or whether they don't. And that is why in this video, I want to give you six things that you can use to make people like you immediately. Starting with the first one, a very specific type of compliment. Because you're not going to compliment people on what they have. You're going to compliment people on what they've earned, what they've worked for. The truth about compliments is, yes, it feels amazing when people compliment us. Of course, we like that. But when it comes to compliments, it often turns out to be that people are hearing the same ones over and over. For instance, maybe they have really nice eyes or they have a good sense of style and they start to hear that over and over, it can become something that doesn't mean much to them. If you can be the person that finds out what they are working on and notices that while they're still working and struggling, and then compliments them on that, it will hit them so hard. And I actually first noticed this because there was a day where I got two compliments in the same day. It was a good day. And one of them, the first one, was on my smile. And. And I appreciated that. I said, thank you, but I've had the same smile since I was a kid and I've received compliments on before. I appreciate that it makes me feel good, but it doesn't. It's not something I've earned. Later that day, I don't know if I was singing or what, but somebody said that they thought that I had a good singing voice. And the truth is I'm not an amazing singer, but I've worked very, very hard on improving my voice. And that compliment made me like that person so much because that was. They were noticing something that I was struggling with, which. Which a shameless plug right here if you want to listen Arliehoopert on Instagram. But the point here, besides following me on Instagram to listen to me sing, is that if you can be the person that notices that, for instance, you've got a friend and they are just starting a diet routine and you say, you know what? I noticed you're actually looking thinner. Like, it seems like you've lost some pounds, you're doing a great job, or you've got someone in your office that is working hard, and perhaps you're at a school and a student that you see putting in extra time, and you can let them know that you appreciate that work ethic. And that's going to hit them because that's what they're struggling with. And that's where they would really appreciate recognition. And of course they're going to appreciate you for that. The second thing here is going to be to get people talking about what they love. Now, of course, this is an old standard, but how do you get here? There's two main questions. First off, how do you like that? And what is it specifically that you love or like about that thing? So early in conversation, people will often ask, why? What do you do? Where have you been lately? Or seen any good movies? With all of these questions, no matter what topic you're on, if you can go, how did you like it? And if they don't say that it's awesome, you can move on. But assuming they do say, oh really, tell me, what did you like about it? What did you love about it? If you can do that and drive down deeper and they share with you what they love, they're going to associate you with that amazing feeling. And I've seen this happen to me. You get me talking about comic books. The Avengers just came out and I share what I feel about that. I'm going to really enjoy my conversation with you and, and I'm going to like you as a result of it. So make sure that you're doing that. This is a really good way to engage in active listening. You're paying attention for things that they like and to have a conversation that allows you to ping pong on something that they care about and hopefully that you care about as well. The third thing is a bit counterintuitive here. It's going to be to share a truth that is to your detriment. And I actually first came across this by accident because what's happening is we have a lot of students who watch our channel, which I'm very happy with. And we also have an online course that is $600. So I was getting emails from these students, basically saying, hey, I would really like to join Charisma University. But my situation is such that my finances are not there yet. I'm really tight on rent. I barely afforded books this semester. And I just wanted to know, you think that relationships are important. Should I buy this right now? And I would typically write back, you know what, I do think relationships are important. But I think that paying your rent and making sure that you're able to afford books this semester is more important than that for you at least right now, at this point in your life. So while I Do hope that you come back. I don't think that this is right for you right now. And oftentimes that would lose the sale. Right? This is not someone, I just told them not to buy. They're not going to turn around and say, ha, ha, tricked you. I'm going to do this anyway. But I would receive an email back that said, I appreciate that so much. I really do want to come back. But this just lets me know that you're being honest on your channel when you're sharing these ideas and these principles and these mindsets with us. Because you're not forcing this down my throat in an attempt to make more money. If you can do that, if you can be honest with people about what you think is in their best interest, even when it isn't in yours, because you might have to leave money on the table if you're in a sales position. When you do this, if you do that and you put honesty as your highest principle and beneath that is getting everything that you want all the time, people will notice it, they will appreciate it, and they will like you for it. Which brings to the fourth thing. This one is perhaps even more immediate than all of the others, and that is open body language. So your body language is the first thing that people see about you. And unfortunately, it is in the moments where we most need open body language that we tend to close it down. And I'm thinking of dates and interviews when we're nervous, right? You go on a date or you see someone you like, hands go right to your pockets, or they go like this. And it's that protective. You don't want to be seen, you don't want to get rejected. If you can force yourself in these moments, hands out of the pockets, uncrossed, the person that you're talking to is going to know on a subconscious level, or at least feel that you are not so much of a physical threat. This is hardwired in us. We're checking, does this person have a weapon? Is this person trying to hurt me? Like, what is going on that they're fidgeting with? If you show them that there's nothing, just the way that you communicate, that's going to put them at ease and it's going to make them like you much more. The fifth one, this actually comes from a friend of mine and we were just. He was here the other night. He is a cartoonist. He works. Works. He created every vowel. And Zappos just purchased big murals of his cartoons. And he went to go hang them up. And before he did. He got this job. He had the payment, and they were. In exchange, it was gonna be a fair business exchange. He said, I want to do something else. And this is the fifth point, which is to exceed expectations without asking permission. So he said, I want to do something else for them. What can I do? We brainstormed for a while and we came up, what if you took shoes because they're Zappos, and you put your cartoons on them and you gave them to the executive team? And that's what he did today. He went in, he hung the mural, and then he had a surprise of these shoes. And the mural was well received. But it was in going above and beyond what he agreed to do without telling them he was going to do it, that really made an impact. They went out afterwards, they took him to the bar, they all put on their shoes. They were really excited. And. And the truth is that when people are trading and exchanging, they have an expectation, okay, that's fine, it's really nice. But when you go above and beyond that and they're not aware that it's happening, that's where the biggest impact is made. So, for instance, if you have a group project, you're sitting in a room, you're hungry, and you go out to pick up some food, but you happen to know perhaps the meal that your partner likes, and you just pick it up and bring it back for them. Holy cow. Will that make an impression on. On them? Especially if you get to know the people in your life well enough that you know their basic likes and dislikes. And if you're not sure and you're just going to the vending machine, everybody will drink water, right? You can, of course, ask people, what would you like me to get you? And that is polite. And people appreciate when people are polite and thoughtful, but it's really when you do it without them knowing that they get their minds blown. So see if you can do that, especially with the people in your life where you already have a good sense of. Of their likes and dislikes. If you can just run when you're at the grocery store next time, pick them up something that you know that they might have been hankering for that they don't have at the moment, that will go a long way. So the last one is going to be to be the first person to joke. This is number six. And it's one that I oftentimes can let go of. Right. If I'm in my room and I'm working all day, I can get into a very literal Mode. And in fact, there's lots of times in our life where we feel like we have to be solemn and somber. There was a student in the CU message boards on Facebook, and he was talking about how he had this big presentation. It was like 20 teachers and professors and faculty. I don't know the exact scenario, but it was a daunting scenario. And he was actually going to give some critical feedback to them. But one of the things that he did, I think at the suggestion of the group, was to crack a joke early. And by doing that, he cracked the joke, he cut the tension in this really serious situation. He got people to laugh and. And he said that he found that people were much more receptive to some of his more critical moments because he had that human interaction with them first. And I see this everywhere. I was just taking a walk the other day with my brother, and he's got this little King Charles Cavalier. And oftentimes I can be out there taking a walk. People will ask me, you know, what kind of dog? And I'll say, it's a King Charles Cavalier. He's three years old, his name is Ollie. And it's a very routine interaction. The other day he was out walking him and somebody started, and I knew what they were going to say. And before they did, he said, I attack. And the dog ran up and he's a little guy, he's not gonna hurt anybody. But everyone laughed, and then it set a tone. It was a very short interaction, but it brightened everybody's day. And it made me realize something that I know and I have to be reminded of is that people are humans before they are polite members of society or teachers or food servers. And they almost always, there's perhaps outside of like a funeral setting, appreciate humor. And so if you could be the first one to joke, it will absolutely make people like you. So those are six things that you can use throughout your interactions. But you might want something a little bit more structured. And that's why actually there are four emotions. And these six things are hitting on different elements of each of these four. But if you hit these four emotions and you hit them in order, you will guarantee an amazing first impression on whoever you are talking to. Pretty much cross culturally. We've actually set up a video that talks about what those four emotions are. And if you want to see that, you can go ahead, click the link in the description or somewhere around here and you will be taken to a page. Go ahead, drop your email and you can watch that video right now and start using those four emotions today. So I hope that you have enjoyed this video. Also, tomorrow 11:00am Pacific Time on our Facebook channel we are going to have a Facebook Live Q and A. It can be about this topic or any other. We did it last week and it was super fun. I had a great time. So if you want to join, you can either follow us on our Charisma on Command Instagram or Facebook or Charlie Hooper Instagram if you want to listen to me sing. And that is going to be where you can ask questions. So I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.