There Are Four Levels Of Charisma - Which Are You?

So something has really been bothering me. It is that when I look at my new content, it has all of this vibe of accepting yourself more, uncovering repressed emotions, becoming more whole. And then when I look at the content that got me Big on YouTube, content that was extremely valuable for you guys, the audience, I find things like banish helplessness and hunt your fear and kill your own embarrassment. The opposite of what I'm talking about today. And when I look in terms of concrete charisma advice, I see things like lines that for me and for the audience were extremely helpful when I was dealing with social anxiety. There's one that is etched, I think, into my limbic system. Like, if I were on my deathbed, I'm pretty sure I could recite this, despite the fact that I'd be delusional. And it's, hey, this is totally random, but I just saw you walking down the street and I'd be kicking myself for the rest of the day if I didn't come find out more about you. That is just in there. And yet today when I talk about women and dates and what needs to happen, it has very little to do with lines. So. So there's obviously this split between what helped me learn charisma the first time and where I am with charisma today. And I want to address that in this video and help you to find out which version of me or anyone you should listen to with regards to charisma or any other area of your life that you're trying to improve. Because there's multiple stages to learning anything. And if you don't know where you are in this stage, there's four of them. You're going to have a hard time actually assimilating the advice and getting better. And you might even go backwards. So here's the deal. The first stage, and I'm borrowing this four stage framework from Michael Beckwith, is the victim stage. It's the to me stage. You're in this with regards to charisma, if you think that there's nothing that you can do, you don't think you can change your charisma, you don't think you can change your confidence. It's just something that the attractive, tall, handsome, fit people have and you don't have it because you are. Not that this is an acutely painful stage because it is all about avoiding responsibility and placing blame. But that's also the benefit of the stage is you don't have to do anything. So if you want to help someone, if you're in my Position, you're trying to help someone in this stage. Oftentimes what they need is a swift kick in the butt as well as some very concrete things that they can implement immediately and find that they have agency, they have control. So this is where concrete lines like say this when you're in an elevator and you meet someone for the first time, or say this to your boss, or say this to someone that you're watching, wanting to date, if they can use that and get a slightly better response from that person, or even a majorly better response, this is can transform the arc of their life. Now they realize that they have control over this area that was previously just about blame and avoiding responsibility. And that'll take them into stage two. Stage two is the by me stage. This is where you start to realize, holy cow, I can control this. I'm not just fated to be the shy introvert that I know I was when I was in middle school and high school and even the beginning of college. I have agency here. And this is where you start learning lines, implementing them, building out decision trees of what you can say. It gets more and more complex. And as you go through this, you might do other areas of your life might be fitness, it might be finances. What you'll find is that the lines give way to habits, to modes of being and to mindsets. And this is where things like my six charismatic mindsets come in. It is much easier to hold no matter what I will be okay than it is to walk in with a full decision tree of lines that you can say in any situation. And yet at stage two, you retain everything that you've learned up until then. So still you'll have that line that I have in my head. When a pretty girl walks past and you don't know what to say, boom, it's in there. So you don't lose the thing that came before, but you hold it in a wider container. And honestly, this is what most of self help is. This is what a lot of the charisma on command YouTube channel has been. But it was starting to tilt towards stage three before I left, and especially now that I'm back, because it doesn't stop there. And by the way, cutting in from the future here, it is worth mentioning that if you are someone who is either in stage one or stage two, the thing that I made that is most helpful is Charisma University. That's our online course. It's a 30 day program that is really intended to help you take full control over your charisma and your Confidence in your social life. We've had a lot of people go through it that have had life changing results. I'll post a few of them here. But if that's something that interests you and you're still in this stage, I highly recommend checking it out because it's basically the best thing that I can make at that stage. I don't think I'll ever be able to do anything like it again. Anyway, that's that. If you want to check it out, link is in the description below. As you start to get more and more control over more and more areas of your life, you'll find that something is missing. Right? You can. This is the person who gets everything they want. They get the girlfriend, they get the job, they get the husband, they get the acclaim and the status and the fortune and, and they feel empty. And it's because what was leading them in that stage of their life was their ego. And it was a wonderful leader for a long time. It led them to incredible results. But what the ego wants is not what your heart wants, it's not what your soul wants. And at some point you have to open up to something bigger than what you can concoct in your mind. And this is the scary leap where you go from grabbing control stage one to two to releasing control again. And this is terrifying for people in stage two because what got them everything so far in their life is grabbing onto control and taking agency. So to give it up here is really scary. But you're not giving it up to that blaming, lack of responsibility aspect of yourself in stage one. You're giving it up to something larger than you. And if you don't know exactly what this is, I promise you have felt it at one point in your life, anytime that you entered the flow state, you, you were in the through me stage. Stage three, whether you're playing sports, taking a test, having a conversation, when you just start playing better than you're ever capable and you're saying things you've never heard yourself say, and you're making moves or dribbling or shooting in a way that is beyond what you even practiced. That's the through me stage. Something more intelligent is moving through you. And yes, all the practice that you did in order to get there is necessary, but it's almost the way that you're crafting this instrument that then something more intelligent than you can play and move through. And this is really what the best improv comedians are doing. They are not coming on, planning the best joke beforehand. They are doing everything that they can to get out of their way on stage so they can be 100% present in the moment with the audience, with their co worker or whatever the heck they're called in improv comedy, their co troop on the stage so that they can drop into the moment and say something funnier than they'd ever imagined, than they ever could have planned. And so that is stage three is when you start to surrender to something higher than yourself. This is all about wholeness. This is what I've been creating lately on the YouTube channel, where you go back and you find that, oh, wow, in stage two, I cut off all these pieces of myself, I cut off my fear, I cut off my embarrassment, I excluded my shame. In stage three, you start to let go, recover that and find that it comes back with gifts. Now, that might all sound very fancy and very poetic, but I promise you, it gets weirder and more poetic as you move into stage four. And admittedly, this is not one that I've spent a lot of time in, it's one that I've touched. I think that most of us have touched it. You're sitting in nature, it's quiet, and the boundaries between you and the trees and the sounds and the animals just seem to dissolve. Sometimes this can happen in psychedelic experience where the sense that you are separate from life, from the universe, just falls away. Because stage four is the as me stage. Life is you. And charisma takes on a very different meaning in this stage because you're no longer trying to be special, to get things to happen for you or to you, it's all you. So getting to just witness and sit back and experience what happens, and moving increasingly only from a deep sense of stillness, that's what begins to happen at stage four. And if you think of the most charismatic people throughout history, Jesus, the Buddha, the. These are stage four individuals. These are people whose charisma shaped eons thousands and thousands of years. People who are generations away from them are still moved and touched by stories of what they did. That is an incredible form of charisma. But it's not them steering it, it's not even something moving through them. It is them as life. So what to do with all of this? Well, well, I've been wrestling with this because I find myself with my gravity regarding charisma and many other things in life. In stage three, it's this receptive, surrendering, feminine letting go that has come after 10 plus years of assertive, masculine controlling. Stage 2. And what that means is that I'm unable to make content as frequently as I would like. Cause this is my edge. I'm learning this. But this framework has really helped me because as I was going back and reading my own blog posts and watching these videos and recognizing this is still so helpful. And the last thing that I want to do is get in the way of my old self or somebody who is in the place that I was by insisting that they respond to where I am today. Honestly, that's selfish. It's me cutting stage two out in the same way that stage two cuts stage one out. Every stage says the stage that they came from is wrong and bad. And I think maturity is in realizing, no, we're all on different parts of our journey and there are similarities. So what I want to do with this is one, to help you identify where you are in this journey. And now to be clear, you can be in different areas and different aspects of your life. But with regard to charisma, where are you? Are you someone who is probably not the case if you're watching this, but not taken full ownership that you have agency, Right? You just are what you are. And you can't become more confident. You can't work in your social skills. You just need to get bigger, stronger, make more money. And that's the only way that anybody could respond any differently to you. Or are you in stage two? Right. You've learned a couple of lines, you've got some skills, you've begun to master this. You feel like you're in control of this and you're just optimizing Stage three, Maybe you're starting to let go, to really, really develop a capacity to listen. Not to listen for what you should say, but to listen to what is needed in the moment. What is being called out and asked for from a state of presence. Or stage four? Honestly, I can't even describe that one because I don't live there all the time. Maybe one day I'll make that video. So identify where you are, number one. But number two, what I want to do is release more content. And the only way for me to do that is to accept that I'm going to have to make some content that is for stage one and stage two people. Because I have that, that is in me, I know it. And sometimes make the stage three stuff as well. So starting in September and building out the processes, what I want to do is to have either in the pinned comment or here on the side of the video, we'll figure out where some sort of a visual of a ladder that will signal to you guys who this video is for. There's no judgment, there's nothing wrong. But I just don't want to have that confusion of. Wait a second, Charlie. In the last video you said that I should let everything go, drop the lines, center into the deep self. The thing that Dr. K and Joe Hudson and I talked about on the podcast two weeks ago and now this week you're telling me wait three seconds of silence and then use this line like which of it is it? I just want to know and be clear who I'm talking to because each of those have value at different stages in the journey and they're for different people at different times. So that's it. Just want to leave you with that. I look forward to coming out with more content and I'm very excited you have questions, comments, anything. Just leave them in the comments below. Love you guys and I'll catch you later. Peace.