What Charming People Do That You Don't

George Clooney has a subtle and almost effortless charm. And unlike some of the people that we've covered on this channel, you don't have to take drastic steps to emulate it. So today we are going to be looking at some of the habits that make him so effortlessly charismatic. And learn what you can do to convey that same charm in your life. The first thing that you can learn from George is that at the start of every social interaction, rather than focusing on what you say, focus primarily on setting the tone and pick the one that suits you best. Now, to see this principle in action, let's begin by examining the most common start to any social situation entering a room. First, have a look at this clip of a young Daniel Radcliffe making an entrance on stage. You'll notice that Daniel seems a bit nervous. His walk is rigid and he heads quickly towards Ellen without taking in the room or acknowledging the audience. Now, contrast this to an older George Clooney. While he enters David Letterman's stage, George feels much more relaxed. His pace is slower, he looks around smiling, and he lingers to greet the audience. That carefree attitude sets the tone from the start and frames the rest of the conversation. You'll also see George often spend more time to touch and warmly greet people when he enters a new space like here. All of these habits add up to one clear point. Whether you're walking into an interview, a workplace meeting, or a bar for the first 10 to 20 seconds of any new interaction in a new place, rather than worrying about what to say next, focus on setting the tone. Now, you can go really high energy, like a Will Smith with huge gestures, greeting everyone loudly. Or you can go for the more subdued Clooney charm by taking time to make yourself comfortable and then greeting others with a smile. Either way, the energy at the start of an interaction counts for far more than the specific words you say. So put your focus there now, if it's not already clear. The energy that George tends to create is one of comfort. And this extends to how he situates himself physically. Just watch.

It's so nice to see you. Many wonderful things have happened in your life since the last time we saw you. Yeah.

The reason that this is important to note is that physical comfort leads to psychological comfort, and feeling comfortable is one of the main ingredients of charm. Even the simple act of crossing your legs, if that makes you feel comfortable, or resting your arms on the on chair, combined with a relaxed posture, can make you feel as if you were hanging out in your own living room as opposed to being under Any sort of pressure, like on a talk show or in an interview. Now, moving on to the next point, let's have a look at an easy way to make people laugh and enjoy your company without having to tell funnier jokes or even be much higher energy. And that is laughing with your eyes. Watch how the interviewer here laughs incredibly easy at George's jokes. And it's largely because he is priming her to do so by showing signs of laughter in his own eyes. In the same way that other people laughing can make you crack up for no apparent reason, seeing laughing eyes can do the same without you even realizing. Just watch.

Have you ever been to Washington, D.C. yes. They are almost identical. You know, they always say it's washy is Hollywood for ugly people. It's like Hollywood with big marble props.

And if you're worried about laughing at your own jokes, don't sweat it. When you have fun with your jokes, even to the point of laughing at them, it is very charming as long as the laughter is real and not forced. Here's a good example.

Give me everything in the drawer. I was like, okay. And I walked away. He didn't show me a gun or a knife or the manager was like, did he hold you up? And I was like, no, he just asked for the money in the drawer. I'm like, I'm not taking it. What? Let me make sure you have a gun. Yeah, right.

So the key here isn't simply to squint your eyes or put on a veneer of laughter behind your speech. It's to get emotionally involved with what you're saying so that it's actually fun for you. And when you do this, your eyes will naturally go to that laughing look and people will match you, making your charm effortless. And this brings us to another element where more genuine involvement in the things that you're saying is going to help, and that is your eye contact. Now, there's a popular myth that more eye contact is simply better. And of course, of course, if you're staring at your feet half the time, more eye contact would be an improvement. But George's style of speech illustrates that looking down while forming thoughts can actually make your communication feel more genuine. After all, there is a natural tendency to look down when you're accessing emotional memories. The key then is not to make unblinking eye contact, but to be more like a boomerang, making sure to return to the person you're speaking to after looking away so that they feel involved.

Like, here, threw myself on the ground. And it was a strike, you know, and everyone laughed. And I remember there was just a defining moment when I stood up and I looked at the guy and I realized, I'll never hit an 85 mile. I'll never hit that.

Now, in another video on Don Draper, we discussed that if you are giving more sporadic eye contact, the best time to deliver that is when you're making your most important point and there's no hard and fast rule. But George shows a way to handle this with humor. And that's to make the punchline when you deliver that strong eye contact, but then to break as people laugh so they don't feel too much pressure. And you see him do this repeatedly.

African American family moves into an all white neighborhood. And the mailman knocks on the door and says, Is Mrs. Myers here? And she says, I'm Mrs. Myers. And he went door to door to tell everyone, have you seen your new neighbors? And by that evening, there were about 500 people on the lawn protesting and building a fence around the house. Some of your music for the new album, and you're right on the beach. And I was like, aren't you? Don't you worry about somebody ripping you off? You're like, no, not at all. And somebody recorded from the beach, didn't they? Yeah, I could say something, go to sleep and wake up in the morning and my career be over. It doesn't make sense to me that I would have that weapon available at any point.

Now, that last clip segues well into our next piece, and it's George's self deprecating nature. He does this all the time. But what's perhaps most interesting here is that he does his self deprecation more in some situations than in others. And it connects to two seemingly opposite sides of his personality. His propensity to tease, prank, and laugh at people compared to his propensity to compliment people and to laugh at himself. Now, the reason that these two opposing sides actually work so well together is that there's a pattern to the way George uses them. He's likely to be playful with people of a similar status, sometimes teasing them or laughing at them, but is often supportive and complimentary towards those that might have a lower status than him in any given social situation. So, for instance, George will tease other celebrities of a similar stature. Like here.

Matt's kind of, you know, he's on that slide on the way down now, so we got him at a pretty good discount.

He's also notorious for pulling pranks on his colleagues. And here he actually shows a picture of his naked crotch to Jimmy Kimmel on his show.

What do you have? Well, I got a picture of my son. Oh, no, that's right.

On the flip side, he regularly showers his interviewers, who are less known in compliments.

You look very dashy. Well, look at you. Before we get any further, guess what? Can we talk about the green sweater? Can we bring it up? Yeah. What do you want to talk about? It's good. Is it weird? No, it's good. And I'm telling you, it looks great. Thank you very much.

And he often delivers these compliments with self deprecation, lowering his own position in a joking way, being defined as retro futuristic. Would you want to explain?

I don't know. You take your best shot. You're smarter than me.

So consider whether you are punching up or down when it comes to teasing or laughing at people at your level and above. And it's more likely to be fun for everyone involved as long as you're coming from a positive place. But if you're talking to someone who is lower than you in terms of status, like a student who's in a younger grade or an employee who's underneath you in a business hierarchy, or someone operating in a service role for you, generally, compliments are a much better way to go, because you can come across as a bully without even meaning to if you're teasing due to your status. Now, this finally brings us to the mindset which ties all of this together, and it's that it doesn't appear that George's ultimate goal in conversation is to be charming, nor should it be yours. It appears that his ultimate goal is simply to. To feel good and to make the other people around him feel good, too. Now, that's why he takes the time to settle in, and it's why he has variable ways of treating people. Different things make people feel better, depending on their status. Now, if you do this, you'll probably find that you are more willing to crack jokes at your own expense.

Television star. They're used to seeing, yeah, about 8 inches. And they can make it. Well, let's not say 8 inches. And by the way, is that 8 inches.

You'll probably also find that you're quicker on your feet when things go wrong, because it's just another opportunity to have fun.

Excuse us.

So instead of habitually asking yourself, what can I do to fit in? Or what do I have to say to make this conversation better? Ask yourself instead, what would make both of us feel more comfortable right now? Or what would make both of us have more fun. If you do that, the charm will flow much more more easily. If you're interested in the fastest way that I know to build both confidence and charisma, I would recommend checking out our program Charisma University. It's a step by step guided program that's guaranteed to give you more confidence and charisma in just 30 days. And it's structured with a daily action guide so that there's no guesswork when it comes to learning these habits. You just follow the guide and you get the results. Now you can read all about the details in the link below, but I figured the best way to let you know what this is all about is just to let the members speak for themselves. So here are just a few of the things that CU members have written in via email or the course comments the first one comes from a guy who got promoted to a senior position early in his career and he says, I don't even have a bachelor diploma yet. They want me to fill this position. And when asked why this was the answer. You have great social skills, which is rare for an engineer. You can think quick on your feet and you are open and self assured in your demeanor. Thank you so much for all that you've taught me. You have truly changed my life because without CU I wouldn't have qualified for that position in a million lifetimes. Now this next one comes from another person who started a new job saying, I wanted to let you know that I nailed those first days at work. Everything that I needed was right there at the right moment. The confidence, the energy, the smile, the positive mindset and all with your tips from last Tuesday in mind. It could just not go wrong. And he finishes by saying, I just wanted to emphasize that what I did the previous days would not even have come to my mind if I had not discovered that charisma is a skill that can be learned thanks to your YouTube channel and university program. And this last one is a comment in the course from someone who used it mainly to improve their social and dating life. And he says life changing in six weeks. I went from being socially awkward with few friends to the life of every event I attend. I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl of my dreams. Charisma University transformed me from a lonely introvert hoping to better connect with people to an energy filled extrovert who makes new friends everywhere I go. And there are more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join the course. If you do join, it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee, which is 100% for any reason at all. And it's. And it's 60 days, even though the course is only 30 days. Because I want to make sure that every single person truly feels like they're getting a ton of value from the course. Otherwise you can just refund. So if you want to check the course out, go ahead, click the link on the screen now or below in the description. We've had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it. I hope that you decide to join if this is an area of your life that you're looking to improve, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.