When You Feel Nervous, Use This Trick To Look Confident

Whether it's an interview, a first date, or just a conversation with someone you don't know well, we've all had times where things didn't go well because we were uncomfortable or nervous. That feeling sucks. So in today's video, we're going to go through some easy ways to look and feel more confident in those moments where you might have previously felt nervous. We'll do this by breaking down clips of Tom Holland. One reason Tom seems so charismatic is because of how he handles his mistakes in conversation. In situations where most people would shrink, Tom expands. For example, watch this clip of him playing a guessing game with Jake Gyllenhaal. Note, if there's a moment when you smile or feel yourself liking Tom more.

We're in London. We're going down the street to a funky bee. Oh, and I'm gonna get a haircut. Oh.

I was about to say freestyle means you can do whatever you want.

Oh, shit. I was about to be like the street. I was like. He's like.

Most people shrink when they make a mistake. They'll look down, hunch their shoulders to take up less space, or get quieter when they speak. In contrast, Tom actually gets louder and more expressive. Here's another quick example. Notice how Tom reacts after realizing he's messed up.

Okay, go for it. What tingles when Spider man is in danger? A. His spider sense. Q. Oh, it's another question. Oh, shit, I just gave you the answer. I thought it was like a multiple choice thing. I was like Q. I was gonna say, probably spray me for getting that.

Reacting like that when you accidentally say something stupid shows you're unfazed, which makes you look confident. Another trick you may have noticed, Tom also immediately calls himself out for his mistake. He doesn't try to hide it. If being loud feels unnatural to you, you can start with just a smile. Here's a clip where Tom isn't quite as high energy, but still calls out his mistake and finds humor in it. For context. At this point, it wasn't confirmed that there would be a Spider man sequel.

I've had on Spider Man 1. Not that I've done more than one.

When you misspeak and other people laugh, your body language is the difference between having a vibe of making people laugh or being laughed at. People cue into your body language so much that when giving contradictory words and body language, they will almost always trust what they see over what they hear. For a quick example, watch these two clips. Tom says he's nervous, but he still comes across as confident and likable.

Tom H. Is that true and that.

Producers went to extreme lengths to keep.

You from knowing what actually happens in the film?

Yeah, I'm very stressed right now because this is live, so I'm really just trying to sit on these.

Guys do big hands.

I have to say. We do these panels all the time and this is the most stressed I've ever been. Before I came on stage, I was like, they're going to kill me up there.

Tom says he's nervous, yet he's smiling, laughing, talking with his hands and overall comes across great. So the question is, how can you carry yourself with a genuine positivity that feels natural when you're in a situation that normally would make you feel nervous? The trick is to cheat by using your mind body connection. Research has shown that you can shift the way you feel simply by changing your body language. For example, imagine you're feeling nervous moments before a big event. Your heart is racing, your hands are shaking. It sounds silly, but you can shift that nervousness towards excitement simply by making yourself smile. Tom actually uses this exact trick.

My biggest and best piece of advice I ever got was from my first director and he basically said turn nerves into excitement and you can like, use nerves as like a valuable tool to like be pumped up for everything.

Now that said, a forced smile can make you look nervous or uncomfortable. So what do you do? Smile beforehand. Before an important phone call or in a car on the way to a date, throw on some happy music and plaster a smile on your face. It'll feel weird at first, but it'll put you in a better mood and kill some nerves. And obviously coming in with positive energy will help it go better too. There's a reason salespeople have been teaching smile before you dial for decades. But you won't always have the chance to prime yourself for nerve wracking situations. Sometimes you're just put on the spot, like when you're asked a question and don't know how to respond. Most people fear awkward silences. So when they aren't sure how to respond to a question, they fill the silence with filler words like or ah, which makes you seem nervous. But silence can be thoughtful rather than awkward. For example, watch Tom when Jimmy asks a potentially awkward question about how he pays his brother.

Does he ever come and say, hey, I'd like a raise.

Maybe?

This is a super easy point, so we'll make it quick. When you pause to think about a question, look up and away rather than down. If you pause and look down, it can make you look uncomfortable. Then your discomfort can make other people feel uncomfortable around you. If you pause and look up and to the side, it just makes it seem like you're thinking without any feelings of awkwardness. Pausing before you answer a question can also help make your response funnier. You.

How old were you when you're in your first movie? The movie with Naomi Watts?

I would have been about 13, 14.

Thirteen or 14 years?

Yeah.

Did you ever at any time consider doing something else for a living?

I didn't, but my parents did.

Your parents did? Yeah. If you want to learn more about the power of a pause in comedy, we'll link to our Dave Chappelle video at the end of this one. Another reason you get nervous when answering questions is that you're trying to give a right answer. You worry if you say the first true answer that pops into your head, you may embarrass yourself or be judged. This is especially true for embarrassing stories, which we'll touch on next, and for things that are potentially vulnerable. Many people incorrectly think that admitting vulnerable emotions shows weaknesses, so they lie or get defensive. This next clip is hilarious, but it's also not too far from how some people actually act.

Are you crying? What's that? Are you crying? Am I crying? No, I'm not crying. You're crying. It's okay to cry. People cry. It's great. But I'm not crying. I don't. I'm not a crier. I don't cry.

I.

You know, I work out.

For some people, being vulnerable is hard. If you don't feel comfortable sharing vulnerable things about yourself, then you can steal a little trick from tomorrow. He actually used to have the same aversion to crying as Starsky.

I went through a phase where I'd never cry about anything, and now I reckon I cry four times a week. I don't cry four times a week, but I cry a lot. Starts crying now. Now I don't cry that much. I cry, like, all the time.

Tom bounces between sharing and joking, and every time he seems like he's backtracking, he doubles down.

I think Bob said you cried on the phone. Is that I weeped.

You did.

You know, I didn't. Wait. I did.

You did a little bit.

Yeah. No, I was really emotional because I felt like it was all coming to an end.

It was. It was bad news. It really was bad news.

No, we. I don't know.

You don't have to do this. There's nothing wrong with sharing without joking. But if it's not natural for you yet, Then humor is a great first tool for charismatically sharing. Now, you may be asking, why is being vulnerable even charismatic? If you can admit vulnerable emotions with a positive attitude, you earn respect because you're sharing something many people would be scared to share. It also helps your internal confidence because you're training yourself to realize there's no emotion you have to hide or pretend you don't feel. Once you've mastered these tips, you no longer have to be afraid of being emotional, embarrassed, or awkward around others. Instead, you can use these past embarrassing moments as inspiration for charismatic storytelling. For example, listen to Tom share a story from shooting stunts in the most recent Spider Man.

So Zendaya would land and I'm the superhero. I'm supposed to look cool and she would land and then I would sort of land like this and my feet would swing from underneath me and then she would catch me. And then like Tom, I'm like, I'm not doing that.

We've said it before, but telling embarrassing stories is a great way to showcase your own confidence. In our last video on Tom Holland, we mentioned a few tricks for this Activate confident body language, choose high impact words and embody your characters. That last point is one we've made in several videos. But it can be intimidating. After all, if you're not a professional actor like Tom Holland, how can you act out all the characters in your stories? The easiest thing is to act out your past. That should be easy since you're always acting like you anyway. The trick is to realize that the bumbling nervousness of the past can be the thing that makes you charismatic in the present. So just reenact your nerves. For example, watch how Tom shows the excitement and panic he felt when he.

Met Robert Downey Jr. And I see Robert Downey Jr. I go up to him, I shake his hand, nice to meet you. And I'm starting to panic, right? I'm like, oh my God, this is Robert Downey Jr. And I'm looking him in the face, sort of going, there's something different about you in person.

Here's another example, this time with Tom acting out his nervousness from meeting Madonna.

Now, the whole way, on the way over there, I'm going, what do I say? Hello. I had no idea what to say. So I get up there and I go, hello.

You can make your story funnier simply by reenacting the emotions you were feeling at the time. And any emotion works. You don't have to limit yourself to just stories where you are nervous. For a quick example, in this next clip, Tom acts out excitement and then surprise.

This girl walks into the sea. She's gorgeous. And she's walking over and I'm like, here you go, bro. Here you go. Here we go. And she breezes right past me, say hello. And she goes over to Sam and she goes, oh, my God, are you Timothee Chalamet? And he was like, yes.

That story is so much better because rather than just tell the story in past tense and third person, he. It's told in present tense. And Tom acts out three different people in 15 seconds. And you can see the acting doesn't have to be Academy Award winning. Any attempt to change your body language or voice will make your story more interesting. Even a bad impression can make people laugh and love being around you if you commit to it. If that seems too over the top, don't worry. You can start by using the easiest type of emotion, a surprised pause.

Someone comes up to me and they'll be like, oh, my God, you're Spider Man. Hey. And I'm like, hello, how are you? And they go, you're English. They paired me with a kid called Arun, and I was supposed to be his brother or something like that. And Arun is an Indian kid. And when I came in, everyone was like, really? Your brother? And we're like, yeah, we're just distant brothers from, you know.

But he called and he said, listen, you know, we want to workshop this like a real Broadway. I'm like, cool, that's great. Then he's like, also, you might want to start working out because you have trapeze rehearsals when you get here. And I want to use the sun double as little as possible.

Now, there's one more thing I want to talk about in this video that doesn't tie directly to the title, but it's just a fantastic habit that Tom has that will help you be more charismatic and more liked. Tom casually defends the people in his life if someone tries to elevate him above them.

So now you mentioned your brother. Is your brother here with you tonight?

He's backstage. Yeah, he's here.

I met your brother last time he was here.

Yes, you did. Yeah.

I'm curious, as you know. I'm always curious as what? The brother.

Because he works for you?

Well, I really work for him, if I'm honest. Remember when Jaden Smith fangirled so hard over meeting Tom Holland? Because I sometimes forget that this actually happened. I wouldn't say that he fangirled over me. I mean, I was as excited to meet him as he was to Meet me. I've been a big fan of his for a long time. I love his music as well.

Ironically, Tom's disinterest in making himself seem above his friends makes him look extremely confident in himself. Also, long term, the people in your life will love you if they know you have their backs when they aren't around. Now, whether you want to be confident because you're looking for a new mentor, more friends, or more dates, there's obviously a lot more to that than just what we've covered so far. You have to know how to start a conversation, how to hook them in the first few minutes so that they want to learn more about you and then build a real connection so they want to see you again. If you want a step by step guide that lays out how to quickly master those skills, you may like our program Charisma University. It's the fastest way I know to become both confident and charismatic. You can read all the details in the link below, but I figure the strongest way to let you know what it's about is just to let the members speak for themselves. So here are a few of the things that CU members have written in this first one is from someone who says their social life has transformed. They wrote, I am significantly more confident in social situations. The connection I feel with strangers and close friends and family alike have dramatically increased. I transitioned from someone who never got asked to hang out regularly to multiple people texting me on a daily basis. Many people have openly expressed their admiration for me and I get a lot more positive attention. I've grown so much because of this course and I can't thank you enough. This next one comes from a guy who's been making new relationships. Before going through Charisma University, I didn't know how to bring energy to a group and I was terrible at meeting new people. Everything in my life has improved after cu, from loving myself and others to creating and developing amazing external relationships. There's so much more joy in my life and CU has been a huge reason for it. And this last one comes from a guy who joined after a breakup. He says, thank you so much for Charisma University. I thought after completing this course I'd become a smooth talker and be able to take over any room. What I didn't realize is I'd get that and feel so confident in myself. I feel liberated. Thank you for creating this course. If you want to join but you're not sure if it's right for you, you should know it comes with a 60 day money back guarantee. That means you can get a full refund for any reason at all. It's 60 days, even though the course is only 30 days, because we want to make sure that every single member truly feels like they're getting massive value from the course. If not, you can get your full investment back. If you want to learn more, go ahead and click the link on screen now or below in the description. We've had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it, and I would love for you to do the same. Either way, I really hope you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.