Words That Win: How To Instantly Influence Anyone (use ethically)

Today, you'll learn the art of persuasion, specifically seven powerful principles that influence everyone's decision making, including your own. You'll learn ethical ways you can apply these principles, and just by being aware of them, you'll now notice when someone uses them on you. I want to credit Robert Cialdini's book Influence for first teaching me these. One of the strongest principles of persuasion you need to be aware of is social proof. People will look to other people to help them decide how valuable something or someone is. For an example, watch what happens when this YouTuber hires 25 Paparazzi to photograph him in the street. 25 Paparazzi had the entire street thinking I was a movie star. I'm married to these ladies now.

Do you know who he is?

Spider Man.

You saw him in Strike Four, right?

I did, I did. I'm like, I gotta get a photo with his mask. With photographers swarming him, it's totally reasonable to assume he's famous. But why are people waiting in line for selfies when they don't actually know who he is? They only want it because they see that other people want it. Now, of course, social proof does have its limits. For example, listen to how this YouTuber tried to trick a comedy club owner. I hired this whole crowd to laugh at everything I say, all to make this comedy club, and more specifically their owner, think I'm funny. This might trick a random audience member into laughing, but when someone's full time job is to evaluate talent, they're not going to suddenly think you're funny just because other people are laughing at your jokes. Right? It used to be called a jump, a lean until your mama jumped on it.

I've got to say, that was absolutely one of the best second gigs I've ever seen.

There's a lot we can take away from this. First, recognize that other people can literally warp how you experience someone. This is something you have to be aware of if you're in a closed social system like school, school or an office. Otherwise, you might end up pursuing a friendship or relationship with someone who you don't even like just because other people like them. Or you might end up blowing off someone amazing just because other people don't feel the same way. The other thing social proof can teach us is how other people view us. This next clip is a fictional example, but it's a pretty accurate representation of how many people think, wait a minute.

That'S that Sadir guy. Who are those guys with him?

I don't know, but if they're with.

Sadira, they have got to be worth something.

Does this mean you should pick your friends based on how it'll make other people react to you? No, of course not. But there are a few ways you can improve your life now that you know about social proof. First, if you like to go out to meet new people, don't stalk around the venue, not talking to anyone, looking for someone you're attracted to. Instead, focus on having fun and talking to everyone around you. You'll have a better time. And when people see you bouncing between groups, making them laugh and have a good time, you become magnetic. Social proof can also be used if you're recruiting for a new job. Let's say your dream job is to work at Google. Apply to a few competitors at the same time. If you get offers, you can tell Google that you really want to work there. It's your dream job. But just as a heads up, you have a few other job offers already that you need to get back to. Most recruiters will suddenly view you as a more attractive candidate. In addition to social proof, this also triggers our next principle of influence scarcity. People have an innate fear of missing out and regretting it. So when something is perceived as rare or in short supply, its value increases in our eyes. In that recruiting example, you become a more attractive candidate because they might not be able to get you. To avoid falling victim to this, trap yourself, start identifying scarcity Speech. Almost sold out, limited time only. These phrases trigger the fear of missing out and regretting it. That's why salesmen will often lie about scarcity to persuade you to buy something. How much are they? They're cheaper than an audit guaranteed, unfortunately.

What? Well, this one's spoken for. My supply is very short.

Well, people are gobbling these up like Tic Tacs. Thanks again. Tell your friends. More than any other factor in today's video, this scarcity principle should trigger flashing red warning signs in your mind. Nothing will separate you from your money faster than scarcity. One particular type of scarcity to be wary of is time. Scarcity. Act right now or this incredible opportunity will pass you by. This is one of the ways that pump and dump scammer Jordan Belfort was able to get complete strangers to invest millions with him in stocks they knew nothing about. The example we're about to watch is from a fictional movie, but DiCaprio worked with the real Jordan Belfort to make sure scenes like this were authentic.

Now, the key to making money in a situation like this is to position yourself now before the settlement. Because by the time you read about it in the Wall Street Journal. It's already too late.

Scarcity is so effective, people add it to situations that don't have it, like artificially limiting how many people can join a completely automated online course. Or worse, lying and saying seats are capped to create a buying frenzy and then selling way more than the cap they claimed they had. People manipulate the scarcity principle in personal relationships, too. Like when first dating, they'll purposely not text you back for hours or days. It makes you feel like they're in high demand and their attention is scarce, which can, unfortunately make you start to want it more. The third principle of influence we'll cover today is consistency. People rarely like admitting they were wrong, so. So they feel pressure to be consistent with the things they've said or done in the past. The most viral example of persuasive consistency comes from Jordan Peterson's conversation with Cathy Newman. After Cathy asks him cited freedom of.

Speech in that why should your right.

To freedom of speech trump a trans person's right not to be offended? For context, this conversation has been contentious, with Kathy aggressively trying to poke holes in many of Jordan's ideas. And that's great news for him because it's exactly what allows him to persuade Kathy to. To share his viewpoint here.

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

I mean, look at the conversation we're having right now.

You know, like, you're certainly willing to risk offending me in the pursuit of truth. Why should you have the right to do that?

What can she do here? She either has to say that she's been behaving poorly for the last 20 minutes, or stay consistent with her past behavior and say that she agrees with him. I'm just trying. I'm just trying to work that out. I mean. Ha. Gotcha. You have caught me. You have caught me before. You try to change someone's mind, see if you can show them that based on their past actions, you two already agree. You can also use the consistency principle. By giving someone a reputation they want to live up to, they'll try to act consistent with how you see them because it's how they want to be seen. In this next clip, watch how Saul persuades Tuco not to kill his associates. It's a fictional show, but the psychology of this clip is real. When I was at your abuelita's place, you were going to let them go. Way I see it, that's because you're.

Tough, but you're fair.

You're all about justice.

That's What I'm saying. Justice.

There's two key elements to giving someone a reputation to live up to. First, the person has to want that reputation. Second, they have to be able to believe that reputation. In that last clip, if Sol had said, tuco, don't do this. You're not a murderer, it wouldn't work. The next principle of influence is reciprocity. People are more likely to say yes to a request if they've previously received a favor or gift from the other person. This can be a great thing. A friend helps you move, later you help them move, and you're both better off than if you had moved yourself alone. The danger comes when someone gives you something to purposefully trigger your sense of reciprocity and then asks for a bigger favor now that you feel obligated to say yes. This next clip is a funny example from the office. It's over exaggerated, but it gives you a good idea of what to watch out for. You all owe me one. Can a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co manager position from him anymore?

Jeez.

There's another sneaky way reciprocity can show up in your life, and that's during a negotiation or a disagreement. A person might make an extreme request, knowing you'll reject it, and then fall back to a smaller request. You think they're doing you a favor by conceding, so you feel compelled to accept the new offer. Cialdini calls this the rejection then retreat technique.

And I want Charles gone.

I am not firing Charles. He's very valuable.

Okay, then I want Pam back. You already have a new receptionist. I mean sales.

Thank you.

Okay, please continue.

This is a good trick to know about so that you can defend yourself from it. Don't feel obligated to meet in the middle. It's okay to stand your ground if you think your position is fair. On the flip side, this isn't a trick I'd recommend you try. If your first request is seen as a low ball or an obvious trick, this the person will hate you for trying to manipulate them. You're much better off making sure that each suggestion you make in a negotiation is reasonable and made in good faith. Now, one thing that makes all of these principles more persuasive is authority. People have a natural instinct to listen to those who seem credible or who they view as experts. While this is generally a good instinct to follow, it can be easily abused, especially when people use symbols of authority. Like titles, credentials or a uniform to trick people.

When he was a teenager, authorities in Florida say Malachi Love Robinson posed as a doctor and set up a medical clinic.

For another example, listen to how the shoe brand Payless pranked designer shoe buyers by using symbols of authority to make their store look like a high end fashion store. We built a fake luxury store, filled it with avant garde sculptures and displays. We even hired a full team of sales associates. Then we filled all the shelves with Payless shoes and jacked up our prices as much as 1,800%. Then they told people this was the grand opening of an Italian designer. And with all the trappings of a designer shoe store around them, look how people reacted to the Payless shoes. For me to experience this as a.

Italian designer is amazing.

I could definitely wear this to like a Met gala dinner. Just think it's so unique.

I would definitely spend $2.95 on a pump like this.

I would pay like 3, $400 for these shoes for sure. The danger of authorities persuasiveness goes beyond pranks and scams. Because even when someone is actually an authority on something, blindly trusting them can still be dangerous. Super successful business people can still give bad business advice and a real doctor can still give bad medical advice. This doesn't mean you need to question every authority you encounter. But if you're about to make a life changing decision based on another person's expert advice, there's two things you can do to protect yourself from bad faith actors. First, trace financial incentives. Does this authority figure benefit financially if you follow their advice? This doesn't automatically mean it's bad advice, but it's worth being aware of. And second, always seek a second opinion if you can. Now on to principle number six, liking. If you're a fan of charisma on command, you probably already understand this one. People are more easily persuaded by people they like. If you're charismatic, life is easier. You're more likely to get friends, dates, job offers, promotions, just to name a few. How to be likable is a topic that needs more than a minute to teach. But if it's an area you want to improve, just check out any other video on this YouTube channel or our online Charisma University. Now there's one more persuasion principle that I want to cover that Cialdini doesn't cover in his book, but it's incredibly, incredibly persuasive. Risk mitigation. People are loss averse. We fear getting ripped off, wasting our time basically making any big decision and regretting It. So if you're trying to persuade someone to do something, think of what they think their potential downside might be to saying yes, then offer them a way to minimize that downside. Here's an example from the real Jordan Belfort closing a sale.

I'm asking to get married right now. Okay? I believe in starting small because I know I can prove myself to you. If I was here saying to you, I want all your business fire tight and do this, do that, right, you, you'd say, get the out of here, right? Okay, But I'm not saying that. What I'm saying that is that I'm confident that you just see a little bit of what I could do. We can use that as a benchmark to go forward. So again, I'm asking for one shot, 30 days, and believe me, you're going to be inclined for life.

Okay? Now, there's one last point on persuasion that is by far the most important point in this entire video. It's not a persuasion principle. It's a mindset that will make everything in your life easier and more successful. I'll let Jordan explain this one, too. It's a lesson he learned after going to prison.

Here's a pen. In the movie we see Jordan Belfield seller pen. Sell me the pen. So the best thing to say is, I would say to Piers, how long have you been in the market for a pen? I've wanted a pen for three months. If you would have said to me, I don't really use a pen. I said, oh, really? Will you be in the market for a pen in all the next few weeks or so? You'd say no. I said, have a nice day. I'm going to go find someone who wants a pen. I don't want to sell someone a pen. Doesn't need a pen.

Don't spend time trying to persuade someone to do something unless you genuinely believe it's good for them. One, it's unethical, and two, even from a purely selfish standpoint, it's bad for you. Even if you get what you want, they'll come to resent you for talking them into a bad decision. They won't want to be in a relationship with you or to do business with you again. And they'll warn other people to stay away. On the other hand, if you use the principles in this video only to persuade people into things that are genuinely good for them, then each persuasion will make the person like you more and trust you more. You're building up a bank of goodwill and strengthening your relationship For a practical example of how some of these principles can be combined, let's take a look at our Charisma University program for consistency. If you watch our videos, it's safe to assume that you're interested in becoming more confident and more charismatic. With a time commitment of just 30 minutes a day and running just 30 days long, charisma University is by far the fastest way that I know of for you to actually become more charismatic. For social proof, if you look at our checkout page, you'll see we show thousands of people have gone through the program. We show that the average review is 9 out of 10, and we show individual testimonials so you can see some success stories from our past clients. For liking and authority, we rely on the quality of our videos. If you find our free content helpful, you're much more likely to have confidence that our Charisma University will change your life. And probably our strongest persuasion tool is our 60 day money back guarantee because it makes joining the course risk free. Charisma University is 30 days, so you can take the entire thing and see if it changes your life. You either think the investment was worth it or you get all your money back. So the only way you end about money is if you feel that the charismatic habits you've built will meaningfully change your life. We're confident they will, which is why we offer the guarantee. If you want to learn more about Charisma University, you can click the link on screen now or in the description below. Either way, thank you for watching today's video. I hope it was helpful and I'll see you in the next one.