Christine WongFounder, Zenshin Collective Pte Ltd · Trauma Informed Coach for Couple relationships, Careers and Business

Are you wearing 🕶️ that will destroy your relationship?

18 Mar 2023 · 2 min

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2:03

In this solo talk, Christine uses the image of colored sunglasses to illustrate how partners in a relationship often view situations through different perceptual lenses. She gives an example where a husband, wearing green lenses, expects to be consulted before outings, while his wife, wearing dark lenses, enjoys spontaneous planning. Their conflicting expectations lead to fights because each sees the situation differently. Christine links these lenses to early childhood programming that shapes each person's default perspective. She encourages couples to consciously remove their metaphorical sunglasses, allowing both partners to see the same reality and achieve clarity in communication.

Chapters

Hello everyone, my name is Christine. How do you like my sunglasses today? Right, I'm going to use this pair of sunglasses to illustrate a very important learning in couple relationship. A lot of times when the couples come and see me, they will complain about the fights and all the triggers that they go through. It will be endless. But a lot of times they didn't realize that they're actually wearing 2 different colored lenses. Let's say for example the husband is wearing a green pair of colored lenses And he feels that the wife is often not respecting his wishes when it comes to planning for outings, right? Because he would wish to be consulted with first. But for the wife who is wearing a pair of dark-colored sunglasses, she can only see that, you know, her spontaneity in planning for things is something that she enjoys doing. She will feel that maybe when she is spontaneous about planning, her husband will be enjoying all the surprises that she organized for him. So they fight over these and it becomes a very big fight. So all it takes is maybe for us to just make an effort to take out our colored sunglasses and for both to be looking at the same colored wall. And when that happens, then maybe we're talking about the same thing. And then we can see clarity when it comes to what is the meaning of green colored lenses for my husband, or what is the meaning of dark colored lenses for my wife. Of course, when we talk about lenses, we also talk about the early childhood experiences, all the programming that came from there. So today, what colored lenses are you wearing, and are you ready to take out your sunglasses?