Christine WongFounder, Zenshin Collective Pte Ltd · Trauma Informed Coach for Couple relationships, Careers and Business

Hey Christine! Series Ep 3: NEVER Fight Again? How is this possible?

21 Oct 2022 · 3 min

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3:04

In this solo episode of the "Hey Christine" series, host Christine Wong answers a viewer’s question about whether a couple can ever stop fighting. She argues that most conflicts are actually fights with oneself, stemming from a lack of self‑understanding and unresolved childhood wounds. Christine illustrates this with two client couples: one where the wife’s jealousy traces back to her father’s infidelity and her mother’s mistrust of men, and another where the husband’s anger originates from being bullied and beaten as a child. By uncovering these root causes, each partner recognizes that their defensive reactions are attempts to protect feelings of insecurity, shame, and helplessness. Christine concludes that before couples can stop fighting, they must first understand themselves, and she invites viewers to a free webinar titled “Never Fight Again,” promising to share four relationship secrets. She ends with a call to like, comment, share, and submit relationship questions.

Chapters

Is it possible to never fight again? Hi everyone, it's Christine here. I am excited to share with you a series of videos. It's called Hey Christine, and I'll be answering all your questions on how to never fight again in your couple relationship. Someone asked me, hey Christine, is it possible to never fight again in a couple relationship? Well, after supporting so many couples as well as my own couple relationship experience, I realized that when we fight with another, we are fighting with ourselves. We are either blaming or being hard on ourselves. You see, most of the time when we fight, it always stems from a lack of understanding. We fight to be understood, but we don't even know what we need to understand. That's the whole confusion. But the problem is we don't even understand ourselves. How do we expect someone else to understand us? So I give you an example. I once had a client, 2 clients, a couple who fights a lot. When I ask why they fight, the wife will say, oh, you know, she cannot bear seeing her husband going on social events with female colleagues. She kind of feels jealous. And husband will say, why do you not trust me? How many times do I have to tell you they are just my colleagues at work? And then he becomes very angry at her. After I've supported them to understand what is going on, the wife realized that when she was young, her father cheated on her mom. It brought shame to the family and of course caused huge grief to the mom. She realized that all her insecurities stem from childhood. Her mom does not trust men, and so does she. She then found the root source of her insecurities. Each time she fights with her husband, she attacks and blames herself for not being able to protect her mom. The husband also learned that the root source of his anger stems from his childhood too. Because you see, when nobody believes him at work or at home, he's always being bullied in school, at home his parents will beat him up always, even though it's not his fault. So with this awareness, he felt the same emotions. He feels unsafe and helpless. The anger was there to protect him from feeling unsafe and helpless. So each time he fights with his wife, he realized that he blames himself for not being able to stand up for himself. So maybe before we start to fight, first we choose to understand ourselves. So right now I want to invite you to my free webinar at this link. It's called Never Fight Again. I will share 4 relationship secrets on how to never fight again. So please like, comment, and share this post. Maybe you can write down some questions regarding your couple relationship that you would like to ask me. I will do my best to answer it. Bye for now!