14 day challenge to CHANGE YOUR CONFIDENCE for men

All right, team, welcome. I am Connor Beaton and today I'm going to share with you a 14 day challenge that you can do in order to deepen your connection to your confidence, to break your nice guy patterns and to ultimately be more attractive. And before we dive in, don't forget to subscribe. Hit the subscribe button below. Hit the bell notification so that you can get notified when I drop new videos on how you can be a more effective self led man in the world. Okay, so the challenge, it's very simple on paper and arguably much more challenging to execute for most men. In reality, the 14 day challenge is this. For 14 days, you are going to say no. You are actively, intentionally and consciously going to look for opportunities for you to say no to your partner, your girlfriend, your wife, your friends, your family, your colleagues, your work environment, the people that you interact with online and in real life. Now, I'm going to do two things in this video because that's a pretty simple, straightforward challenge. But I'm going to just talk a little bit about why it is so important for you as a man to say no and to practice saying no daily. Not only for your purpose and your clarity and your direction, but for your relationship. And secondly, I'm going to give you some tactical pieces that will help you in executing on this challenge properly that will allow you to have the greatest success possible. So first off, why should you say no? Well, there's the very simple and basic reasons that your yes and your no are valuable information on the direction that you're going in your life. When you say yes, you make a decision. And that choice, that, yes, that decision that you put out into the world, gives other people information. And that information informs them about what you like, what you want, what you're willing to tolerate, the direction that you're moving, what you ultimately enjoy or desire or will put up with. When you say no. You also give equally valuable information about who you are as a man, what you don't want, what you don't enjoy, what you're not willing to tolerate, what you won't put up with in your life or in your relationship, what you're not willing to engage with in your life. And so your no gives a whole subset of information about who you are, what you want, and ultimately the direction that you're moving in your life. So a lot of men out there, and you might feel this in your life, feel a sense of being very lost, and they're lost because they're saying yes to things. Maybe way too many things Right. They've said yes to so many things that they're overwhelmed and constantly inundated, but they're not saying no. And so they feel a sense of lostness because they're not defining what they do not want to engage with, what they're not willing to stand for or put up with, what they don't want to have in their life. And so many men's lives are an accumulation of unhealthy, undeserved, unwanted yeses. Right? Maybe they've said yes to a woman that they're dating. That's a no. Maybe they're saying yes within their relate. Maybe their relationship and the woman that they're dating is a yes. And you might feel this way. You're like, my partner's a yes, but I continue to agree to things I don't want to do. Right? You know, like you don't want to go on that date to wherever it is. You don't want to watch the Bachelor or some TV show that you're not interested in, but you say yes anyway. So saying no gives you not only a sense of confidence because it proves to yourself internally that you can rely on yourself to do the hard thing, to engage in something that might be conflict oriented. And in our culture, where a lot of men have been indoctrinated into this ideology that being a nice guy. Being a nice guy, use quotation marks, is this sort of direction that you want to move, that you say yes, that you're kind, that you're not assertive, that you're non confrontational. A lot of men have bought into this paradigm and it destroys their relationships. It makes them feel very lost. And you might be one of those guys. I've been one of those guys. I have totally been a nice guy before and have kind of gone through that rehabilitation path. But the no is so valuable and important specifically in relationships because it's going to tell a woman where you stand. Right? Nothing is more attractive than a man with a spine. Nothing is more attractive than a man who is willing to say no, I don't want to do that. No, I don't want to engage with that. Right. And I'm going to tell you a few reasons why. The first reason is that a man that's not willing to say no, a man that just says yes all the time, a nice guy, gives off the wrong signals. And he gives off the wrong signals because he's constantly saying yes to things in his relationship with the woman that he's dating, with the woman that he's married that he does not want to do. And so then he becomes resentful, he gets angry, he complains about it. He, you know, picks fights about it, becomes passive aggressive about it. And so when you say yes to something that's a no, there is a consequence for it down the road. And that consequence is very confusing for the women that you date because they ultimately don't know where you stand. The next thing is that a man who doesn't say no to things won't stand up for himself. And Robert Glover, the guy that. Who's a dear friend of mine who wrote no More Mr. Nice Guy, has a great saying. He says if a man won't stand up to her, she'll never trust him to stand up for her. So the idea here is that you need to be able to stand up to the women that you're dating or married to, and that standing up to them doesn't need to be a blowout, it doesn't need to be aggressive. The standing up is sometimes just being able to say, no, I don't want to do that, or, no, I'm not willing to engage in that, or no, I'm, you know, I'm not having this argument with you right now, or, you know, no, I'm not watching. Are you going to come back to the Bachelor? I'm not watching the Bachelor with you. Which seems to be. I don't know why that's on my mind, but I think that's something that, you know, a lot of men end up watching stupid TV shows that their partner wants to watch, and they resent it, right? They. They become angry and bitter about it because they know somewhere deep within them that they are saying yes to something that they don't ultimately want to do. So nice guys don't stand up for themselves. Men that aren't willing to say no don't stand up for themselves. And a woman wants to know that you as a man can stand up for yourself, even if it's just in these small incremental ways of being able to say, no, I'm not interested in that. And if you're not able to do that, what will eventually happen, what is often happens is that she'll begin to test you. She'll begin to push you, your boundaries, right? Some people call this shit testing or just provoking or whatever it is. And she'll begin to test you to see are you safe? Will you stand up to me? Or are you so conflict avoidant? Are you so bent on avoiding conflict and scared of conflict that I'M going to walk over you that I'm going to have my way. And that leads to the third thing, which is a man that doesn't say no becomes predictable. And when you become predictable as a man, you become less attractive. Women want a sense of unpredictability. It's why the badass bad guy archetype is so prominent in female culture. I remember hearing about this show on Netflix called Sex Life, where the woman was married and had two kids and she had this great husband, but she was pining for this man that she had had sex with before in the past. And. And he was the epitome of the bad guy, right? He was the single guy, lots of money, drove the motorcycle, had the nice place in the car. You know, they would bang outside in the pool. But he was willing to say no to her a lot. He was willing to say, no, I'm not interested in that. I'm not gonna do that. And that creates an air of unpredictability where a woman isn't too sure all the time what she's going to get. Whereas if you are a man who's saying yes all the time, she knows what to expect. So let's talk about the parameters. Those are some of the reasons why for you individually and relationally, this challenge can be beneficial. Let's talk about the tactical parts of it very quickly. So the first thing is, say no for 14 days straight and use no. Find opportunities to use no as a complete sentence. Say no without explaining yourself and without giving any reasons. So that might feel challenging, that might feel uncomfortable. You might be very used to creating a story ahead of time. It's like, I'm going to say no. Here's the reason that I'm going to give. Here's the explanation for why I'm saying no. Let go of that entirely. And you can say no by just saying, no, I'm not interested in that, or no, I'm not going to be doing that, or no, I won't watch that, or no, I don't want to go there for dinner and let that be a complete sentence. So say no as a complete sentence. Say no without explaining yourself or giving a reason. Say no without apologizing. Right? So no, sorry, but I can't this time, or, you know, sorry, but I. Blah, blah, blah, blah. None of that. And lastly, no saying no with a but or a maybe. So keep your buts out of your nose. So the last rule is don't say but or maybe. So a lot of people, what they end up doing is saying no, but maybe next time or no, but I'd really like to or no, and then they start to explain themselves or apologize or any of those things. So remove the but and the maybe from the no. A couple ways that this can sound is no, I'm not up for that. No, I don't want to do that. No, I won't be attending that. No, I'm not interested in that. So those are just some formulas that you can use. And then notice people's reaction, notice your reaction, notice what it feels like to just take a stand for what it is that you want and don't want and what you will allow and what you won't allow. So practice. Put in the comments below. I'd love to hear how this exercise goes for you, what questions you have. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.