3 Ways To Initiate Sex With Your Partner

Welcome, guys and gals, to the Man Talk Show. I'm Connor Beaton, and today we're going to talk about some. Some more of the sensual, sexual, and scandalous side of things. So we're going to talk about how to initiate sex or intimacy with your partner. Now, I sent out an email a while back about initiating intimacy with your partner, and that seemed to get a good amount of reaction from it. I got some great emails back from people expressing their thanks and gratitude. So I thought I would do a more extended version of the podcast interview on this. And for whatever reason, this seems to be coming up quite a bit as of late. And I figured with Valentine's Day around the corner that this would be a great topic to dive into. And for some reason, I seem to have a lot of my clients, men or women or couples, actually reaching out or in sessions saying, hey, we. We are struggling to initiate sex with each other. Or, you know, I've just. I'm not too sure how to engage her or him with sex, and I don't. I'm not really too sure what to do. And the reality is that if you're one of those people that's out there listening to this and you think, yeah, that's me, sometimes I'm not really too sure how to initiate sex with my partner, you are definitely not alone. This seems to be a very common theme, a very common topic that I thought I would tackle. And. And so today I'm gonna share with you three different ways that you can directly initiate sex. Now, some of these are going to be a little bit more scandalous, a little bit more taboo, a little bit more on the fringe than maybe some of you are used to, and that's okay. You can take pick and choose whichever area you want to start with, whatever you're comfortable with in your. In your sexual exploration right now. But I would encourage you to whether you are single or whether you are in a relationship that's new, or whether you're in a relationship that's old, to really listen to this with a grain of salt and take and pick and choose, whatever works for you. The other thing that I want you to know is that all of the content in this, whether you are single or whether you are in a relationship, is relevant to you, because whether you are single and you're wanting to get into a relationship, all of these things are relevant for you, and especially if you're in a relationship. So let's dive in, because the reality is that for many couples, initiating intimacy can be a challenge. They can be something that falls into a routine or a habit, and you kind of initiate sex the same way over and over again, and maybe that gets boring for you, and maybe that becomes the thing that starts to be the reason why you're not having more sex in your relationship more often. Or it can just be sort of an uncomfortable, uncomfortable thing. Maybe you're not too sure how to go about it or what your partner wants. Maybe you feel a little awkward or shy. But the reality is, no matter where you are, maybe you feel comfortable and great with initiating sex no matter where you are. The first thing that I would recommend is that if you are in a relationship, definitely listen to this podcast episode with your partner, maybe send it to them and say, hey, listen to this, and let's discuss. But definitely listen to this episode with them so that you can. So that you can share afterwards what stood out to you, what really resonated with you, what you want to try, what you like, what you don't like, and kind of have a little bit of a dialogue around it. And that's one of the reasons why I recorded this podcast, was so that you and your partner can have a dialogue about what you like and dislike. So when to initiate, how to initiate, what to do, These are all questions that I get from clients that are in relationships. And. And so we're going to dive into it. So one of the very first way that I encourage couples to actually engage in this is to lead the charge. And couples can often get tripped up of sort of deciding who should be the one to initiate. And there's a lot of research around who tends to initiate and who likes to initiate. And the reality is that both men and women have some shame around initiating in sex. Women oftentimes, you know, depending on their upbringing, depending on the religious circles that they grew up in, depending on their. Their family's relationship to sex and sexuality, women will have their own shame or shyness or hesitation around initiating sex because of what it actually means or it can say about them as a woman. Now, some women don't have that shame or hesitation at all, and they're very sexually liberated, and it's not a problem. But leading the charge as men, as women in our relationships can be one of the strongest things that we can do. Now, what does this actually look like? What does it mean to lead the charge in initiating sex? Because that's really what we're talking about here. Well, one of the things that you can do to lead the charge and really get things rolling is to make A declaration. Now a declaration to your partner can be something as simple as being able to say, hey, you know what? I'm gonna commit to engaging in and initiating sex more often. I'm gonna commit to that. I'm gonna take leadership over that. It's something that I, that I kind of like enjoying, enjoy doing. Or you can make the declaration and invitation that you'd like them to initiate sex more frequently with you. And out of that have a bit of a conversation and a dialogue, even way around what you would like to explore. So if you're the one that is going to lead the charge and you're saying, hey, I would like to initiate sex more often with you, one of the best follow up questions for that is, what really turns you on? What do you like? What do you enjoy? What do you want me to explore with you? What would be a good way to let you know without having to say the words of hey, do you want to go have sex? Which is where a lot of people, couples kind of get tripped up in is they can get into a routine of saying, hey, do you want to have sex now? Or you know, kind of being sheepish about it and a little shy around it. Without doing that, how do you want me to explore initiating sex with you? And this can be a great way to open up dialogue, to start to explore and understand what your partner likes when initiating sex, what they want you to sort of explore with them. The second thing is in the email that I sent out called the Art of Advanced Initiation. And I have one more at the end, which is definitely a little bit more of sort of like the, not the dark side of sex and sexuality, but a little bit more edgy, I guess you could say. But the second thing that you can do is the art of advanced Initiation. This might sound a little funny, but the way that I put this before is think of sex and as the world's best product that you are trying to market to your partner. Okay, now stay with me. Because the best forms of marketing and advertising, what they actually do to people is that they create a hype around something, either an event or a product or a service that's going to happen. And they make people really excited about it long before they can even get it or have it. And they stir up in people the excitement and the energy and, and the awareness that they're going to get that or have that at some point. And it makes them want to have it right now. And that's what the best marketing does. So when it comes to sex when it comes to intimacy and foreplay, guys, we don't always need to physically touch our partners, right, in order to excite them. And ladies, you don't always need to touch your partner in order to excite them. It can be as simple as text message. That can be the art of advanced initiation, actually reaching out to them and saying things like, hey, just so you know, I am really, I was really turned on by you this morning and I'm really looking forward to seeing you again tonight and maybe even expressing verbally some of the things that you would like to do with them or to them and actually going into detail and expressing some of the things that you'd like to explore with them. And that can be a little confronting. It can be a little, maybe embarrassing for you or taboo or a little out and edgy for you, or that can be completely normal, depending on where you're at. But being able to express that and start to build some hype. And if you know that your partner likes certain things or specific things and it turns them on and gets them in the mood, then you can start to express those things and you can say, hey, later on, this is what I want to do to you. Or when I see you again, this is what I want to have happen. And actually lay out in some detail. As much as you're comfortable with and as much as you feel comfortable with expressing, actually start to go into a little bit of detail around the type of fantasy or vision that you have for the sex and intimacy that you are going to enact later on. Now the follow up to that is that you actually have to follow through with it, right? So the follow up to that is that when you see them next bring it up, how do you know? Ask them, how did you like when I was texting you before, how did you like the messages that I was sending? Or if it's in person and you're sort of teasing them and creating that, that sexual tension with them, you know, being, checking in with them. Do you know, do you like that? Do you like when I'm teasing you? Like that and create that, that tension in person and create that, that excitement of what's to come. That that is in a very deep way a beautiful form of intimacy and foreplay that couples can start to use. Now, number three is really.

It can be a little bit edgy, it can be a little bit embarrassing for some people to play with these dynamics. And for some people just as sort of like a caveat and sort of like a, a warning label on this for some people, maybe with trauma in the past, depending on their past relationships or past sexual history, this can be very confronting. So this third one, what I would recommend is that you and your partner talk about this one before engaging with it. So this last one is about playing with power dynamics. Now, relationship, really great sex and intimacy is all about power dynamics. It's all about the energy between you and your partner and that, that energy, that sort of dance and flow between who's leading and who's following. Another way of putting that is who's sort of the more dominant character, the more dominant dancer, and who's the more submissive dancer. And in that way, you can start to play around with things like that. Dominant, submissive. Now, most people, when they hear those two words, they think of like bdsm, you know, like tying up ropes and chains and handcuffs and stuff like that. And while that can be a part of playing with power dynamics, it doesn't necessarily need to be. Now the other part of power dynamics that you can start to look into and use is commands. And commands can be a very subtle way of playing with your partner, of being able to have them or have you be the more submissive or the more dominant character. And you can actually play around with these with your partner. And again, what I would recommend is actually having a conversation with them around what's kind of exciting and kind of turns them on when it comes to verbal commands in the bedroom. And those commands can be very simple, right? They can be simple things like you can just look at your partner from across the room. You can say, hey, come over here. And you can invite them over. You can give another command of, let's go in the bedroom, right? You can give another command of, I want you to take off your clothes. And so that can kind of lead your partner through this journey of getting very excited, of not necessarily knowing what's going to happen or what's coming, but it puts your partner, if you are the one that is giving the commands, it puts your partner in this very relaxed space, but also this very excited space where they don't know where this is going, they're not too sure what's going to happen. And one of the things that can show up in this space, and by the way, just a quick caveat here, for many people that have super high powered jobs and are, you know, generally in power a lot, they have a ton of power. We see this a lot with oftentimes with like high end businessmen or high end business women when they have a lot of responsibility and a lot of power. Sometimes the most sort of sexual thing that they can fantasize about or that they can get off to, that they can really enjoy, is actually being out of control, not being. Being the one in control all the time. Now, that's not everyone. That's not to say that that's every single person, but if that's you, it might be something that you want to play with with your partner. It might be something that you want to explore with your partner. Some people that are in those positions of power really like them. And so maybe it's about exploring being the person, giving the commands, being the person that is the more dominant force in the sex when you're. When you're engaging in that. So this is something for you to explore, something for you to kind of check in with yourself and see what end of the spectrum you like to play with. And that might mean that you and your partner openly discuss this before engaging with it. And be okay with getting a little awkward, right? Like, if you've never engaged in any of these things or some of these things and you're wanting to explore them with your partner and it sounds exciting to you, definitely engage in a conversation with it beforehand. Know that it may be a little bit awkward here and there, know that it might be a little exciting here and there, and be open in your communication. Enter into a space and agree with your partner to create some agreements before you engage in sex and intimacy in this way, to explore these things, but actually say, hey, here are the things that I think I'm excited by and I'm nervous by it, but I definitely want to explore it and be able to have an open dialogue with your partner. The challenge is that oftentimes couples feel. Feel awkward about having these conversations, and rather than have these conversations, they run the story that their partner is not open to exploring sexually, or they just give up and they go get their needs met from pornography, and they explore fantasies in that way, or they explore their fantasies, you know, mentally with themselves, but they never actually bring them into the relationship, or they just say, you know what? I don't think that I really have any fantasies whatsoever, and. And can oftentimes shut down from exploring some of the things that would create a deeper sense of intimacy emotionally and sexually and mentally and even spiritually. So that's what I have for you today. I hope that this served you. I definitely encourage you to share this with your partner. Write me back if you have any questions either on Instagram or on Facebook, let me know how this landed with you and your partner. And if this is something that you're wanting to explore deeper, definitely check out the webinars that Vienna, my future wife and I have done around understanding men and understanding women. They are both live now and we really explore what makes a man tick, what makes a woman tick, what men generally like and are turned on by what women like and are turned on by what they crave, what they desire, but also what men desire and cross crave. So understanding men and understanding women are both live. You can check that out in the show notes or you can just go to Inventbrite or my Instagram profile and check them out there. And I hope that you join us for those live webinars because they are a great resource. Again, something that I would recommend that you watch and enjoy and learn about with your partner if you are in a relationship. So that's what I have for you today. Write me back and let me know how these landed for you. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.