4 Ways to BUILD CONFIDENCE for men

All right, men, welcome. I am Connor Beaton, and today we're going to talk about the five things that you can do to be more confident. Now, before we begin, as always, if you haven't subscribed yet, make sure you hit the subscribe button or the bell notification so that you get notified when I drop some more videos on how you can lead yourself and your life with more direction and purpose. All right? So confidence. There's probably a ton of videos that you've seen on this or articles that you've read online. And I think, unfortunately, what most of them miss as a foundational starting point is just defining what confidence actually is. So confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something. And the key word in there is rely. We're going to talk about that in a second. So to have confidence in another person, you need to know that you can rely on that person for a number of different things, right? Whether it's for them to show up on time, for them to be honest or truthful, for them to have a sense of competency in what they're talking about or what they're doing. So confidence within yourself is really about reliance. It's about self reliance and how you as a man can begin to develop the skills and the understanding that, that you can rely on yourself to follow through with what you said you're going to do, to create something that matters, to be able to push through challenging things, right? All of these components play into developing a sense of self reliance. So rather than thinking about, oh, I want to develop more confidence, what I want you to start to think about is how do I develop a deeper sense of self reliance? How do I create the structures, the activities, what decisions and choices do I need to make to understand that I can rely on myself to do the right thing, to say the right thing, to make the right choice, to follow through with what I've said I'm going to do. So to have confidence in yourself is to simply rely on yourself. So confidence essentially is about assessing a sense of security, a sense of trust. Hence the opposite of insecurity, right? So if you have insecurity over here and confidence over here, what we're actually talking about is insecurity. You feel insecure in the sense that you don't know if you're gonna make the right choice, make the right decision, say the right thing. On the other side is confidence or security that you can rely on yourself to do the right thing, say the right thing, make the right choice. So, so outside of defining what confidence is from this place of reliance. I think it's really important to begin with step number one, which is to confront your perceived weaknesses. Now, this is imperative because in many respects, your weaknesses, your insecurities, are the things that you perceive yourself to be doing or choosing that are eroding your sense of self reliance and you. And so to build up reliance in yourself is to confront the areas of your life where you feel like you can't rely on yourself, right? So, for example, for years, I tried to develop a morning routine, right? And I lacked a sense of confidence, lacked a sense of direction. And one of the biggest challenges was that I would hit snooze every single morning, like six, seven, eight, nine times, you know, and I just sleep in for like another hour. And. And that eroded my sense of trust in myself. It eroded the ability to rely on myself to get my ass out of bed. When I said I wanted to get out of bed so I could go, do the things that I said I wanted to do, right? Go to the gym, workout journal in the morning, do those types of things that would create that sense of reliance. So for yourself, take a look at your life. Where do you feel like you have a weakness? You. Are you weak in your discipline to be able to get up in the morning when you say you want to get up? Are you weak in your ability to go to the gym? Are you weak physically, you know, are you weak in your ability to. Or willingness to go and talk to women, right? Or ask for a phone number? Are you weak in the sense that you don't set boundaries or that you. You avoid being assertive? Or maybe you just avoid conflict altogether? So those are all areas that you can begin to engage with consciously to build up more confidence, more competence in those areas. And that in turn, the more competent you become at being assertive, at holding true to your word, the more confidence you will naturally feel, because the more you will be able to recognize that you can rely on yourself to follow through. Number two is being able to risk rejection, right? Rejection is an imperative piece when it comes to having a sense of confidence. Because when you look at confident guys that are out there, it's not that they avoid rejection entirely. It's that rejection isn't so catastrophic to them. So you actually need to begin to pursue the things that matter to you most. Build the product, ask the woman for a number. And in doing those things, being able to face the rejection that is inherently baked into those actions, right? And so there's this faulty notion that when you as a man pursue the things that matter to you, right, pursuing a woman, pursuing your purpose or a career path, or, you know, building a product or a service that you give a shit about, there's this notion that hopefully, right, this sort of illusion, hopefully you can do that without ever being rejected. And that's not the case. What is really inherently rewarding internally and what develops strength and resiliency and reliance internally is doing those things, knowing that you'll probably face rejection and doing them anyway, and then being able to learn from the rejection. So the final piece in this rejection one is not only should you put yourself in situations actively where you will face rejection, but you can begin to see rejection as a friend rather than a foe, as something that you can learn from rather than something that is a sign that you are inherently worthless or bad or broken or wrong or not good enough in some capacity. So just before I go into number three, hit the like button below if you are enjoying this and leave me a comment, subscribe, letting me know what stood out to you so far and what you'd like to learn more about. All right, so there's a few more key pieces that I think are relevant when it comes to building confidence. The third one that I want to talk about is setting boundaries or confronting your inner critic. So your inner critic is like that dialogue that's inside of you that is constantly judging your actions, criticizing you, telling you what you should or shouldn't have done, what. What you could have done better, what you should have said. It's that voice that's constantly going in the moment. You know, when you're talking to an attractive woman that you want to pick up, or you're having a conversation with friends and you make a joke and it doesn't go very well, right? And that part starts to chirp. It's like, ah, you're so dumb. Like, why did you do that? Why did you say that? So when it comes to being able to rely on ourselves, being able to confront the. That inner critic, being able to set boundaries with that internal judge is incredibly important. Now, it's not that you want to kill this part of yourself off. It's not that you want to ignore it altogether because that'll create a whole other bunch of problems. It's simply that you want to be able to critically discern whether or not what your inner critic is saying is valuable. Okay? So a really easy exercise that you can do is when you hear those thoughts from your inner critic. Why did you do that? You could have said Something better, you know, that was so dumb. What's wrong with you? Write those things down. Write everything down that your inner critic is saying when you are trying to take action, when you're pursuing rejection, when you're building that competence, when you're building that reliance with yourself, and then begin to critically question it. And three things that I think will help you in this. So write down what the inner critic is saying and then use these three things. Is it me? Is it true? And is it helpful? Right? So every single critical point, is that me? Is that really me? You know, is that really a part of what I do? Or is that just a fabrication? Is it true? Is it true that what I did could have been better? Is it true that what I said was maybe not the best thing to say? And is it helpful? Is any of this helpful? Or am I just beating the crap out of myself for no real purpose or function? And that's the real key. Is it helpful? Sometimes your inner critic will have valuable helpful information on how you can improve yourself, on how you can better yourself, on how you can be more disciplined for getting up in the morning, right? Sometimes there's very valuable information that the inner critic is trying to tell you. Other times it's just nonsense, it's just a bully, it's just abusive towards you. And you actually need to tell it to shut up or you need to set some boundaries with, or you need to say, you know what, actually that's not helpful. And I don't believe that at all. It's not even true, right? It's ridiculous. So begin to write down everything that your inner critic has said, set some boundaries with it and question it. Now, before I share this last piece with you, I just want to share a reminder that I have found to be very helpful, which is that confident people are not only willing to take risks, not only willing to do the things that we've talked about above, but they are willing to practice, right? They're willing to put in the effort ongoing because they realize that something like self reliance, that confidence isn't built in an instant, right? You're not going to make one decision and suddenly you know the gates of your inner world and psyche and kind of open up and you'll just feel a sense of resounding confidence. That's not how it works for most people. For the majority of people, true self reliance, true confidence is developed over time. It's developed in the decisions that we make every single day. It's developed and earned and built in the actions that we Take. And so this is something that you're going to need to practice ongoing, right? Risking rejection, confronting the inner critic. All of these pieces.

Are going to be something that you work on every single day, right? Confronting your perceived weaknesses. And as you do those things, your level of self reliance will elevate every single day. So practice, practice, practice. All right, so the very last piece that I wanted to say about confident people is and how you develop that sense of confidence. So step number five is build your resources. So that might be a network of people that are going to help elevate you, challenge you, confront you, push you, right? Whether that's a mastermind group or a men's group or you know, a group of friends that get together and just hold one another accountable. Maybe it's an accountability group, but find mentors, find a network that are going to hold your feet to the fire. Because the truth about confidence and the truth about self reliance is it's not built in isolation, right? You are not going to develop confidence. I mean, maybe, maybe some people will develop confidence by going off and sitting in a cave for a couple years, but for most people that's not a realistic endeavor. So the majority of you are going to have to develop your confidence with the people around you and that self reliance. If you as a man really want to accelerate your development of confidence, your development of your own self reliance, find other men that you know have developed that self reliance in themselves, that exude that sense of confidence within themselves and put yourself in those situations. It might be uncomfortable at first. You might not want to be there. It might feel very foreign to you to be around men who have that kind of confidence and have that type of self reliance. But those are the type of people that you want to surround yourself with because they are going to hold you accountable. They're going to reflect back when you're acting from that place of insecurity, when you're making decisions from that place of lack and lacking self reliance. And they're going to encourage you continually to operate from that self reliant space. And not only that, but you'll get to do the same in return for them. And there's something that is inherently empowering for you as a man to not only be able to receive that challenge, but to give that challenge to other men in your life. Be sure to like subscribe and hit the bell so that you get notified when future videos drop. And if you enjoyed this one, check out the next video that is a 14 day no challenge to help you build your confidence.