Connor Beaton identifies five behaviors of securely attached people: they handle conflict without shutting down, trust themselves and their partner, de-escalate when things heat up, balance independence with togetherness, and actively maintain connection through repair and intention.
The five things that securely attached people do. Number one, you both engage in healthy conflict and can find resolutions. The two of you can navigate through conflict. Number two, they operate from the place of it is safe for me to trust you and it is safe for me to trust me. I trust myself to make good decisions that honor the sanctity of our relationship and I trust you to do all of those same things. The third thing this is healthy de escalation. So I trust myself to be able to regulate, but I also trust that we can co regulate together. The fourth thing is that they have a healthy balance of independence and togetherness. Both people are secure and they are both contributing to the togetherness in the relationship. And the last thing I create, maintain and repair connection. So those types of things we have to start to bake into the everyday of our relationship.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
