7 Things That STOP you from Quitting Porn

Why is it so damn hard for us as men to stop watching porn? And where do most men go wrong? Where do most men sort of, quote, unquote, fail at quitting porn? Because the reality is it's very challenging. It's very hard for a lot of men to quit watching porn. And I was one of those men. It took me years to stop watching porn. Now, admittedly, I probably watched porn a little more than the average, right? I was. I was in there. But I think for the average guy who's watching porn and using porn, it's just become a part of his life, part of his daily life. And so today, I'm going to share with you the seven things that I've learned over the years through my own experience, through working with thousands of men who are sharing their experience around pornography and why they're. Why they're using it, why they're struggling to quit, and through research, through research on porn's impact on the brain and the body and the sexual system. So let's just start with number one. Number one reason why we struggle to quit watching porn are the biological factors. The reality is that your brain has a reward system built into it. And that reward system plays a significant part in habits, in patterns, and specifically in. In addictive behaviors. And so when you're watching pornography, the brain is going to release dopamine. And especially after you climax, right, you're gonna have a sort of a peak within that dopamine release, and then eventually you're gonna have a trough and the dopamine release, right? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that's associated with pleasure and reward. And over time, what happens is that your brain may become conditioned to. To seek out that pleasure and that reward of watching porn. So it kind of tricks. Your brain is sort of tricked into this experience that when you are watching pornography, it feels like you're doing something productive. It feels like you're doing something rewarding. It feels like you are doing something that you should feel good about, even though afterwards you probably don't. And so the reality is, is that this biological factor, right, this rewiring of your brain to attach to pornography, to trick you into feeling like you're doing something good, can become a kind of Pavlovian response, right? You get conditioned to want to go and watch porn to feel a little bit better or to feel like you've done something good. And so that's probably the biggest one, that's probably the number one thing, is that your brain has wired itself for the feel good, for the feel better to pornography. The second thing, and this kind of runs in tandem with the first, is, is that your nervous system has been conditioned.

To want to seek pornography. So your nervous system has been conditioned to want to seek pornography. Now why is that? Your nervous system plays a very important part in what's called regulating your body, regulating your mind. So that's your fight, flight or freeze response. That's your calm rest and digest. And so for a lot of people, what happens is that when they don't feel how they want to feel, when they don't feel good or happy or they feel anxious or they feel angry and they don't want to feel that way anymore, what happens is that porn can become this tool that we as men use to just feel a little bit better, right? To not feel so stressed out or overwhelmed or bored or lonely or anxious or angry. And we can kind of hit the reset button. And so for a lot of men, a lot of men that I've worked with, and for myself specifically, porn is that quote, unquote, reset button. Now, it's not a very good one. It's not a long lasting reset button. And it's not something that you want to turn to on a regular basis because that's the foundation of addiction. But for the majority of guys, when they really stop and think about when they want to watch porn, the majority of time it's not actually when they're aroused. A lot of the times they're wanting to go watch pornography, when they are experiencing something in their nervous system that they don't like. Anxiety, anxiety, anger, frustration, boredom, loneliness. A lot of men will turn to pornography to just feel a little bit better and not have to deal with that internal system. And so when you start to quit porn, and this is the big kicker, right, that a lot of people don't talk about when you start to quit porn, you suddenly don't have that distraction from how you feel inside. You can't run away from the anxiety anymore. You can't run away from the anger or the boredom of the loneliness. And you actually have to freaking deal with what you feel. So that's number two. Number three is accessibility and availability. This one's pretty simple and pretty straightforward. I'm not going to dwell on this one. But it's just so damn easy to access pornography on your phone, on your computer. I mean, it's just so easy. And so it's hard. And where a lot of men fail and struggle is that it's just there, right? It's like having a liquor cabinet, you know, an alcoholic having a liquor cabinet where wherever they go, anywhere in the world, at all times, you know, it's pretty wild. So if you are somebody that knows that you need a little bit of support using things like porn blockers, website blockers, they can be useful. I didn't find that to be useful because that's kind of like the addict, the alcoholic having a key to the liquor cabinet. I didn't find that to be very supportive in my journey in letting go of porn. The next thing that I think a lot of guys miss out on and struggle to not incorporate when it comes to quitting porn, and this is a very important one to allowing you to quitting porn, is that they don't fully understand their triggers. They don't fully understand their triggers to watching porn. And so they don't understand what they're actually feeling when the urge to watch porn arises. And so what happens the majority of the time is that you as a man are feeling something that you don't want to feel. Like I was talking about before, and anxiety, nervousness, anger, frustration, loneliness, boredom, purposelessness. You don't have a sense of direction, there's no meaning in life, or you just can't seem to wind down. I've noticed that a lot of men watch porn to wind down at the end of the day to de stress or when they feel overwhelmed. And so you need to start to get very clear on what are the triggers that cause you to want to watch porn. It might be you're scrolling through Instagram or some sort social media, you know, account, and you see some, you know, bikini clad woman and all of a sudden you're like a little, you know, a little aroused. You get kind of get that hit and that little rush. But the reality is, is that underneath that is something that you probably haven't wanted to feel. Anxiety, boredom, et cetera. So getting very clear and what I've given to a lot of men is when you feel the desire to want to watch porn, set a timer, stop, pause, breathe, and tune into what am I actually experiencing right now? And that will give you some insight into your triggers. A lot of men have a trigger that is an emotional and felt sense, felt experience that they don't want to be dealing with. And that's usually when the desire to watch porn is at the highest. When they're bored, when they're lonely, when they feel confused, when they feel anxious, et cetera. Next, is that where a lot of men struggle to quit watching porn? Is that they don't have a replacement ritual or routine to substitute the porn. And so what happens is a lot of guys will just say, I'm going to quit watching porn. And they don't replace it with anything else like meditation, like breath work, like cold immersion, like working out, like calling a friend, like, you know, any number of things, right? Reading a book, going for a walk, getting out into nature, or whatever it is that you want to do. So one of the things that I found to be really, really helpful was that I had a list of 10 to 20 things that I could do instead of watching porn. And so when that hit came up and I was like, oh, I just want to watch porn. Depending on the time of day, I would go to that list. I had it right on my desk, I had it on my phone, and I would say, okay, which one do I want to do? Okay, I'm going to do breath work, or, you know, I'm going to do some stretching and some yoga to help me cool down before bed. Having those replacement rituals is very help because, again, your body and your mind are conditioned to try and seek some type of reward. And so in those moments, you literally are replacing the reward of watching pornography with the reward of doing something else. Feeling good after breath work, you know, feeling good after meditation or yoga or hanging out with a friend, whatever it is. So find better replacement rituals and routines to. To substitute for the pornography. Next. And there's only two more. I'll make these brief. The next one is last time itis. Last time itis is probably the first time you've ever heard that, but last time itis. I think one of the big struggles that a lot of men face, I certainly face this was, this is the last time. This is the last time I'll do this. This is the last time I watch this. I promise. I promise to me, I promise to my partner, I promise to God, I promise to the universe, this is the last time. This is the classic sort of addict behavior, right? This is the last time I'm going to allow myself to do this thing. And this is why in AA they have the saying and alcoholics Anonymous, which is one day at a time. And so if you are wanting to watch porn, what I'm gonna say is it's very unlikely if you watch it regularly, that you're gonna quit the very first time, cold turkey, and never watch it again. It is much more likely that it's going to be a process that unfolds over time where you're going to have Slip ups along the way. And you might have, you know, some bad slip ups and you might have some, just one, you know, one off slip ups. So knowing that there, this idea of like killing off, this idea of this is the last time, let that go entirely. Because what that does is it pressurizes your psychological and physical system so that when the urge comes back up, it's almost even stronger. I told myself I wouldn't watch this again. I told myself I wouldn't do this. Ah, I need to go and do it. And so it almost elevates your desire to go and watch porn because you have created this conditioning in this environment inside where you said, I have to stop this, I can't do this. And so you're trying to use willpower essentially, which, you know, arguably may not work. Lastly, number seven is a lack of external support. A lot of men will try and quit pornography without any conversation with other men, with other friends that are also trying to do this. And this is why I think the no fap, no nut movement have become very popular within North American society and culture. Because it's men saying, hey, I'm going to do this challenge. I'm not going to watch porn, I'm not going to get off. And we're going to do it together. We're in this together, we're on this mission. And there's kind of like this group suffering, you know, where you're like, you have the days where you're just like, God damn, I just want to go and bust one off, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to let you know, these other guys know, whether I know them or not, that, you know, I'm really having the urge to go and watch porn. So the lack of support, I think is the really big one. So if you can find good men to do this with to say, hey, listen, I want to stop watching porn. I'm going to be super transparent with you about when I want to watch it. And they do the same thing with you. That can be incredibly rewarding and it can help your process be much faster in terms of quitting pornography. So these are the seven things. I'm curious to hear what you have to say. What have you found to be helpful? Pop it into the chat box below. If you're watching this on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe. Wherever you are listening or watching, whether you're on Spotify or itunes or, you know, Apple podcasts or here on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe and don't forget to man it forward. Man it forward. Share this podcast with somebody that you know could use it and will enjoy it. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.