In this instructional YouTube monologue, Connor Beaton addresses men facing divorce, outlining how to recognize when a marriage has irreparably broken down and offering tactical guidance for navigating the process. He begins by explaining why many men avoid filing for divorce, citing fear of the legal system, and urges viewers to examine whether avoidance stems from the relationship itself or the court process. Beaton then describes concrete signs of a dead marriage—persistent resentment, lack of intimacy, and living parallel lives—while warning against initiating divorce out of anger or temporary frustration. The core tactical advice centers on strategic decision‑making: men should decide what assets or values they are willing to concede versus protect, and avoid the common mistake of giving away too much out of guilt or haste. A substantial portion of the talk focuses on co‑parenting, emphasizing the creation of clear, written agreements covering communication, child transition logistics, and a unified narrative presented to children. He stresses age‑appropriate transparency, avoiding blame, and maintaining a united front to provide stability for kids. Additionally, Beaton recommends securing external support for children through trusted relatives or friends, recognizing that kids may open up more to non‑parental adults. The video concludes with a call for community engagement, inviting viewers to share their own experiences and advice for other men navigating divorce.
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Today, we're gonna be diving into a man's guide to divorce. When to know that it's time, tactical pieces, what to do if there's kids involved. I'm going to try and make this as direct as possible. Obviously, this is not an enjoyable subject. It's a very challenging one. There's usually a lot of emotions around it. And it can be one of those very, very disorienting things, whether you've chosen it or whether it has been chosen for you. And both of those paths, whether you've decided that it's time for divorce or your partner has. Both of those paths can be equally challenging, but have some different obstacles depending on what's happening within your divorce. So, all right, let's dive in. It's common for men to stay in relationships longer or to try and sort of lean into the relationship and hold on For a number of different reasons. Sometimes men just, you know, we don't want their marriage to end. We wanna work on it. Or, you know, we just have a fear of what might be lost on the other side. I think one of the big things that causes a lot of men to avoid divorce is actually divorce courts. It's actually the divorce process. So what that means is that statistically, men are much less likely to file for divorce. They're much more likely to be the one having the divorce served to them. And a lot of the times, not a lot of the times, but sometimes what I've noticed is that that is a byproduct of the man not wanting to pull the trigger because he's afraid of the system, the legal system that he would enter into. So just ask yourself that question as a man, am I avoiding divorce because I don't want to get separated? Or am I avoiding divorce because I'm avoiding the divorce system, the legal system? When divorce is on the table, it's because resentment for one or both people has built up to such a degree that it has literally choked the life out of the relationship, out of that third body of the relationship. And this is when you or the other person has zero interest in repairing connection or communication. They have zero interest. You have zero interest in intimacy or or quality time or going on adventures with the other person. And basically, you're living your own life kind of just in proximity to this other person. You know, what I've heard a lot of people that go through divorce say is something along the lines of, you know, we're just sort of 2 people living in the same house. We don't talk really much. We don't do anything together. We don't have really any interest in spending any time together. Our interests have diverged a lot. Yeah. And it's likely that the relationship has withered to such a degree where you're both just living 2 separate and independent lives. Big thing that I want to end this part of the video with is you shouldn't divorce out of anger. You shouldn't just divorce because you're angry with them or you're hostile or you're pissed off, or you're like, I don't like you anymore. That type of energy is a recipe for disaster. There are always going to be phases in relationships where you're frustrated with your partner. Regardless of who they are. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship that is conflict-free, argument-free. And those types of relationships are usually just as equally dysfunctional, right? It's just avoidance instead of conflict. Those are the pieces of maybe when it's time. Let's talk about the tactical pieces of how you actually go through divorce. The first thing is, and this is what I say to all men that I'm working with that are like, hey, I'm going to go through divorce, or we're going through, or she filed, or I filed. Yeah. Decide what you're willing to lose and decide what you're willing to be flexible on, because this really, really matters. Some men are— they'll go into a divorce and they'll say, you know what, I just want this to be over with, so give her whatever she wants. Give her— doesn't really matter. Maybe you don't have a lot for her to take in the first place. You're just like— or maybe you feel guilty because You cheated or were unfaithful, or maybe you feel like you were the problem in the relationship and you couldn't get things right. And so you're just like, give her whatever she wants. Very common that men that do that within a year to 5 years have a tremendous amount of regret. I wish I didn't do that. A bunch of things are really important in here. The main one is that you and your ex try to create agreements for how you are going to operate with the children, okay? That means, how do you wanna speak to one another around them? How are you agreeing to communicate about transitioning the kids, transferring them? How are you agreeing to co-parent them together? How are you going to communicate the separation and the divorce to the kids? Big piece there, depending on their age, is be as transparent as possible. It's very common for a lot of kids to make themselves responsible for the divorce or the separation, to not know why it's really happening. And a lot of the times parents say, you know, we just fell out of love. And they say something that's like, while that might be true, that doesn't actually say anything to a kid. And so, they're left with a big question mark of like, well, why are you actually— Yeah. why are you actually separating? Like, we— I don't understand. Because to a kid, all that they understand is, well, you love me, and like, could you fall out of love with me? Like, that doesn't make any sense. And so they have no context for what that means. So try and be as clear with your children as you can without disparaging either party, right? Like, if infidelity was involved, you might decide, like, you know what, the kids are too young to understand that Mom had an affair or dad had an affair, and you don't want to villainize one person or another. And so you need to get on the same page of how exactly are you going to present this. And in some ways, and this is the really hard part, but it's the really important part when there's kids involved, having a united front as a couple, as you go through the separation, will be the single healthiest thing that you can offer your children. Okay, I'm going to say it again. Having a united front as a couple as you go through the separation can be the single greatest gift and healthiest thing that you can give to your children as the divorce happens, because it will provide them with stability. It will provide them with 2 places that they can go to vent their frustration, their grief, their confusion, their questions, etc. So try and create very clear agreements. About what you're going to say to them, when you're going to communicate it, what the narrative is, how you're presenting it, how you're going to follow up after that, what it's going to look like. Really try and do your best to have written agreements between the two of you that you can abide by. Now, these written agreements are not there to be used as a weapon against each other or another reason or excuse to shame the other person. or to constantly criticize, but rather it's just, this is how we are going to operate. This is how we are choosing to operate moving through this divorce. The last piece is make sure that your kids have other support outside of you and your spouse. So, for example, you know, maybe one of your buddies, like, Uncle Tim or Uncle John or whoever, right? Like one of your friends is close with your friends, with your kids. Make sure that they're checking in on your kids too, because it's very common that your kids won't want to really open up to you about what the divorce is like, but they might be more available to opening up to one of your friends or, you know, maybe a brother or sister, right? When their uncle or their aunt, they might be more open to really having an open dialogue about that. So, make sure that your kids have support that isn't you, because they're going to need it, they're going to want it, and just having those little outlets can be very, very helpful. If you've gone through divorce, comment below if you're watching this on YouTube and share your best practices. How did you get through it? What was challenging about it? What would you say to men that are maybe thinking about it? What would you say to men that are going through it right now? They're in the thick of a custody battle, or, you know, they're, they're losing everything that they've owned? Like, what would you say to men? Sometimes sharing some of that advice can be super, super helpful. So man it forward, share this episode with somebody that you know needs to hear it, and don't forget to comment in the comment section below on YouTube and share your thoughts. Thank you very much for tuning in. Until next week, Connor Beaton signing off.
