Connor Beaton breaks down anxious attachment: love-bombing, over-texting, seeking constant validation. The fix is learning to regulate yourself and source approval from inside, not from your partner's mood. That's what secure attachment looks like.
If you are the type of guy that needs her to be okay just so you can feel all right, her mood dictates whether you feel good about yourself, you love bomb, you overtext, if you don't hear back in 5 minutes, you're worried and concerned about the relationship, then this is 100% for you. I have worked with men for over a decade, and what I've found is that so many men underestimate the impact that their anxious behavior has on their relationship. And you can call it anxious attachment, you can call it anxious relationships, but whatever it is, somewhere along the line, you learned to prioritize somebody else's state and experience above your own. You learned to prioritize her needs and her state before yours. And this is what I always come back to: secure people seek support Whereas anxious people seek validation. And this is what men do that collapses their relationships. But here's what changes it. When you learn to regulate yourself, when you learn to insource validation and insource a sense of groundedness and safety, you begin to trust your own decisions and choices again. Your self-worth stops living and dying on whether or not she's happy with you or whether or not she's okay in that moment and begins to— Trust. To be internalized again, maybe for the first time. That's the work, and this is exactly what we do in the ManTalks Alliance. We have a whole program around attachment and moving towards secure attachment, so I hope you check it out, and I'll see you inside.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
