Connor Beaton argues that "should" creates shame and guilt by rejecting what actually happened. Since the past can't change, "I should have" only multiplies suffering. Instead, inspect what happened, ask what you can learn, and embrace reality to grow from it.
And this is for everyone. Like, should is such an interesting. Our minds are built off of the language that we use.
Right? Like, who we are is a result of how we think. And the language that we use and should is one of those words that almost always with, like, almost always without exception, creates shame or guilt or complacency or anger. Because we are always implying that what we did or what we're going to do shouldn't happen. It should have been different, right? And we can't change what did happen. You know, we can't. We can't change it. And so to look back at our past and say, I should. I should have done something different is in itself the definition of suffering, right? We are creating. You can't change the past. You can't alter it. You can't do anything about it. It just is. And so the more that we look back at the past, and we should, the more that we create shame, the more that we create suffering. And so what I would encourage you to do is as you go through this, look back, right? Look back at it, what happened, okay? I did X, Y and Z. I did those things. Now what do I want to learn from them? How do I become better because of them? What lessons are those things trying to teach me? Not I could have done something differently. I could have done X, Y and Z. It's what do I want to learn, right? How do I choose to embrace what actually is? How do I choose to embrace what actually happened? Because when we say should, we reject what happened, and that creates suffering. Anytime that we reject what's happened or what is going to happen, we create an immense amount of suffering.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
