Connor Beaton presents a short, practical talk about "self-leadership" for men and lists 10 behaviours to stop immediately to become more attractive, confident, and self-led. He frames self-leadership as internal direction, impulse control, and discipline, and the recommended stops include excuses for fitness, giving women free social-media attention, comparing yourself to other men, wasting time on entertainment, pursuing short-term gratification, holding a lottery mindset, believing you are fundamentally broken, insisting you must do life alone, avoiding dealing with trauma, and postponing happiness until achievements are reached.
Chapters
Foreign.
Guys. Welcome back to the Man Talk Show. Connor Beaton here today we're going to talk a little bit about self leadership and the 10 things that you as a man can stop doing immediately that will help you to be more attractive, more confident, and in my terms, more self led. Now, I love this concept of self leadership. It's something that I've been told talking about with the men that I've worked with for a decade. It's something that I've been advocating for because for me in my journey, the reason why my life went astray was because I lacked self leadership. I didn't have a good sense of internal direction. I didn't have good impulse control. I couldn't say no to myself. I didn't know when to say yes. And just in general, I lacked the skills and the tools to actually lead myself towards the things that I wanted in life. The relationships that I wanted, the type of sex that I wanted, the type of connection and closeness and business and lifestyle that I wanted. I lacked the discipline. And so these are 10 things that I had to learn personally that I have seen in so many of the men that I've worked with over the years that men have had to stop doing in order to develop more confidence, in order to become more attractive. Even if you're in a relationship with somebody, stopping these things will make you more attractive and they will also lead to you having a much deeper level of autonomy and inner authority and leadership. So the first thing that I think is just without question that we all need to work on is to stop making excuses for not being in good shape, for not working out regularly. It's something that I see so many men making excuses for not being in shape. Number two is stop giving women free attention on social media. I see you guys. I get the comments, right? I created a video making a joke about dudes watching pole vaulting or women's volleyball. If this is you and you're the guy that's like out there and, you know, hours and hours and hours, every single day or every single week is spent getting caught in the thirst traps, texting women that you have, you know, no real shot with or interest in. But there's like some, you know, it helps you, like, pass the time when you're bored or lonely. Do the cleanse that you know you should do. Delete them off the social media platforms. So that's number two. Number three is stop comparing yourself to other men. Okay? It's a very interesting thing because I think women talk a lot about how they compare themselves to other women and they compare their looks and what they're wearing to other women. And what I've noticed that with guys there is usually some type of status comparison, financial or success oriented comparison. Like, oh, you know, he, I think he's making that much money or he's wearing that watch or driving that car and like, I'm not even close to being there yet or I really want to be there and I'm just not. And so there's a comparison on that front. Next is wasting time on social media, on tv, on video games, and actually letting go of those things for a period of time. I'm not saying forever. I'm not saying don't play video games. I'm not saying don't watch tv. There's some guys that are out there that are so rigid, that are like, you're a beta if you watch tv or you know, you're a bitch if you play video games. It's like, no, like it's okay for you to watch a TV show once in a while, it's okay for you to get enjoyment from. But if you're really trying to build something in your life and you are trying to develop yourself into someone that you really respect, playing video games for eight hours a day, unless you are developing a career out of that and monetizing that and you have, you know, you're building something out of that, it's probably not the best use of your time for a certain period of your life. Next is at some point in your life, at some point in every man's life, he needs to learn to stop pursuing short term gratification and pleasure. Now this is a hard one because this is really about impulse control, right? The impulse control to text the woman, to open up the porn website, to have the drink, to smoke the weed, to whatever your thing is, right? To have the late night popcorn. And part of developing a really internal sense of control and leadership is being able to reign in those impulses when they start to rise up. So that is a big one. Next. And this is a hard one, but you need to kill your lottery mindset. I haven't heard many people talk about this, but it's something that I've noticed. I noticed it in myself when I was younger and I didn't really like, know what direction I wanted to go. I didn't have a lot going for me. But what I found with that I would put a disproportionate amount of attention and energy towards fantasizing about some lottery outcome. Right. That, like, literally sometimes I would think about, like, winning the lottery because I was so poor and so broke. Other times I would fantasize about, like, hitting it big with this business and, like, making all this money and, you know, dating this, like, famous woman or something like that. Every time I caught myself in that lottery mindset, I would come back and say, what do I need to do right now? What action can I take right now? What decision can I make right now that I am clearly avoiding? And that was super helpful to ground me back in to the action that I could take in the present moment. The next thing is to stop believing that you are broken or that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. I got caught in this for a very long time. I really fundamentally believed that I was broken. And unfortunately, what that did was a number of things. And part of that is thinking that you're broken, right? Continuing to think, oh, I'm so effed up. I'm so broken. There's something so fundamentally wrong with me is continuing to be the victim without really owning that something happened to you that you are a victim of. Whether it was a car crash or a health incident or an abuse or a trauma or whatever it is, sometimes in life, things happen to us that are so much bigger than we can carry or comprehend or understand, and we actually need support in order to get through those things. Which brings me to my next point, thinking that you have to do it alone. This is one thing that you, as a man, absolutely have to stop doing immediately. You do not have to do any of your life alone. You don't have to be successful alone. You don't have to move through your pain alone. You don't have to go through the divorce alone or the breakup alone. You don't have to go through the loss or the death of a parent alone or the loss of a child alone. You don't have to go through any. Any of those things alone. There are plenty of men that are out there that want to be in your corner and by your side to support you. And it is up to you to open yourself to the understanding that you will undeniably be a more attractive man. You will be a more confident man. You will be a more capable, competent man, and you will be a more autonomous man by having other men in your life who share those same values, who are holding you to the version of yourself that you are wanting to be. If you can surround yourself with men like that in your life, you will absolutely go farther, faster than you could ever have imagined. And the last piece I was going to add, I mean I added in pretending like you're like you don't have trauma or shit to deal with in your past. That kind of went hand in hand with with what I was talking about before. But the last piece really is thinking peace or happiness is on the other side of some monumental achievement. And I see guys doing this all the time where they've taken their peace and their sense of happiness and they have future paste it. They have put it somewhere in the future on the other side of making the million dollars, getting the woman, buying the car, building the house, whatever it is. Take the one thing and execute on that. So if you're watching this on YouTube, so don't forget to subscribe by the way, but comment below and let me know which one really stood out to you, which one you're going to commit to. And don't forget to man it forward, share this video with somebody that you know could use it or would enjoy it. And until next week, Connor Beaton signing off. Be well.
