A conversation (Connor Beaton interviewing Speaker A) exploring the fear of being truly known in intimate relationships. Speaker A describes initially presenting a likable, strong persona (a "mask") that gradually comes off, revealing vulnerability and a fear of being hurt; this leads to distancing, guardedness, and sometimes anger as a protective cover.
Do you have a sense of what you are protecting in yourself or what you're resisting about relationship? That when you get closer to them, it feels like you have to then distance yourself? Like, what don't you want them to see or know about?
Probably. I mean, I guess a lot. It's nice getting through that initial like phase with somebody where you get to kind of be the person you want to be to them. But then after several months, maybe some of that mask starts coming off. I want to be that strong person that's likable. Laugh with you, have fun, do those things, that fun loving. But then I think at a certain point you start getting a little bit deeper. And it's not just all fun loving. It's like there's like a different person behind that that gets a little vulnerable. There is that part that doesn't want to actually be seen and then let down and hurt. Hide behind some anger over something it's like you can actually touch. That pain feels even scary just starting to say those things because it is kind of like exposing that like real person underneath that there is one that can be hurt.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
