Breaking Free from Anxious Attachment

To develop safety internally is to begin to separate your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, your partner, separate their emotional state from your sense of security. What this means is, I'm okay even though you're not. I'm okay even though you're disappointed. I'm okay even though you're sad. I'm okay even though you're angry with me. I'm okay. I'm just okay even though you're feeling a heightened sense of emotion. Now, this is a really challenging thing for a lot of anxious, attached people to do. Hypercriticism, maybe verbal abuse or physical abuse. And so your body's reacting in a way where it's trying to protect you from a perceived threat. And you're going to have to start to work to soothe and regulate yourself in the moments when the person that you love is upset. And actually say that to yourself, almost like a mantra.