Connor Beaton explains how to build emotional safety with an avoidant partner. Ask her concrete questions about when she feels safest and most connected. Recognize that avoidant people often find safety in independence, and use physical invitations like "Come sit next to me" to move beyond words into felt experience.
Your work, if you are with an avoidant woman, is to help her define and refine what safety actually looks like, sounds like, and feels like in a relationship. The chances are that she doesn't quite know how to articulate that. You can ask some questions like when do you feel the safest? When have you felt the most connected? Because for the avoidant person, again, safety is in independence. A lot of women's nervous systems and how they show up physically and somatically is very tense. As she starts to relax into safety and trust within the relationship. You can encourage. You can say things like Come sit next to me, or Come sit down and put your head on my shoulder. Help to move from the explanation to the expression. This can be a very valuable asset relationally and and an incredibly important step in being able to build and develop trust and safety.
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