Conquer Your Inner Critic: Brief Guide For Men

Foreign.

Gentlemen, welcome back to the mantalk show. Today we are going to take a deep dive into the inner critic. Defeating the inner critic, dealing with the voice inside of you that is constantly and incessantly shaming you, guilting you, criticizing you, judging you, beating the crap out of you. However you want to describe that. But we're going to talk about where it comes from, what creates it, where the majority of us as men go wrong in dealing with the inner critic. And then how we actually right that ship. How do we actually work with the inner critic or reestablish or rehabilitate our relationship to it to get better results? One of the key things that all of us can change, shift, develop very quickly, is the ability to speak to ourselves differently. And this is a key component in, in any type of self respect. I like that word better than self love. Do I love myself? I mean, sure, maybe, yes. Do I respect myself? Yes. And respecting myself and acting in a way that, that is self respect oriented has dramatically changed my life. And learning how to have a good relationship with this part of me, with this inner critic has changed my life because for me, my inner critic, my inner dialogue, and I'm going to define inner critic here in a minute. But basically your, your inner critic is just a part of your inner dialogue as a part of how you speak to yourself. And all of us talk to ourselves in certain ways. Maybe not all of us. There's actually a percentage of people that do not have any type of inner dialogue or inner narrative, which is a very different sort of thing. But my guess is that those individuals are just not aware of the narrative that's unfolding internally for the most part. Everybody in my perspective has some type of inner narrative and inner dialogue, and some people are just not aware of it. And yet this was how I spoke to myself on a daily basis. What the hell's wrong with you? You're so freaking stupid. How come you can never get things right? You're such a piece of garbage. Blah, blah, blah, blah, like just critiquing the smallest things. Why'd you do that? That was so dumb. It was incessant. And this voice in me was one of the loudest voices that I had. It was, it was constantly there, it was constantly switched on. It was at max power all the time. So, you know, maybe your inner critic isn't that bad. Maybe this inner dialogue that you have with your critic is okay, and it shows up when you genuinely have done something wrong or you could have done something better. But for a lot of the men that I've worked with over the years, one of the major things they are contending with is this inner dialogue and this inner critic that is constantly berating them. So let's talk about where does it come from? Where does this inner critic come from and how it's formed. And then we're going to talk about how do you actually deal with it? How do you reshape this inner critic to be something productive and helpful and healthy in your life? Next is neglect and abandonment. So the first one is very apparent, right? It's very in your face. And I've worked with a lot of men where they're like, well, not like. Neither of my parents were very critical and they were sort of supportive and they were loving, and yet my inner dialogue is terrible. You know, the way I talk to myself is not healthy at all. And yet I didn't see some. Somebody being critical of one another. Like, my parents didn't criticize each other, they didn't criticize me. They were very supportive. Another version of this is neglect and abandonment. So you can create a very negative, unhealthy, demeaning inner dialogue when you have not got your needs met as a child. So here's what happens, okay? Developmentally, when you're a kid, you're like a little bundle of ego, and everything gets personalized. Everything. You know, when you're a kid, it's like your parents are fighting, and somehow the child will make it mean that there's something wrong with the child. Right? It's like, there must be something wrong with me that mom and dad are fighting. Okay, so with all that said, how do you deal with it? What do you do with this part? Well, what I want you to know is what you do not do, which is what almost every single man is ever on the history and the face of the planet does. I did it. You've probably done it. Every single man I've ever worked with has tried to do this. You do not try to kill it off. I know that's probably a shocker, but stop trying to kill it off. You cannot kill off. Shut down, silence. This part, this is what so many men try and do. They have this terrible inner dialogue, and they think, f this part, I'm just going to eradicate it. I'm going to nuke it. And that doesn't work. Why doesn't it work? Because of the one major psychological lesson that I want you and every human being to know, which is that what you reject grows stronger. What you try and reject psychologically Grows stronger. So if you're having a psychological conversation with yourself, right? If you're having a conversation with yourself and you can hear this part of you that's like criticizing and. And getting on you, and you just try and reject that part of you, like f you. I'm not going to listen to you ever. That part of you is going to get stronger. It is going to grow. It's just like people that struggle with anxiety. The more you try and reject that anxiety, the more you try and ignore or kill off that anxiety, the stronger it gets. This is a fundamental, irrefutable psychological principle that I wish everybody understood, because it is not a pathway to change, transformation, healing, or betterment in any way, shape, or form. It will not work. I promise you. I tried it. I've seen tens of thousands of men that have tried it, and it just doesn't work. So if that's not the path, then what is the path? First, number one, identify the origins of your inner critic. Identify the origins of your inner critic. Number two. What things does my inner critic say that sound familiar? What things does my inner critic say that sounds familiar? And to whom do they sound familiar to? Okay, and number three is what circumstances in my childhood may have helped to develop this part of me? What circumstances, experiences, memories from my childhood may have helped to develop this part of me? Number two. Okay, so number one, identify the origins of the voice. Number two, figure out what it wants and what it's trying to help you do. Figure out what this part wants and what it's trying to help you do. Because this part of you, this inner critic, is not evil. It is not an evil part. It is a loyal soldier that in your childhood was trying to help you figure something out. Number three, set some boundaries. Set some boundaries. Okay? Just like if you were at a pub or you're at a bar and there's some obnoxious drunk guy that is just berating you and talking shit to you and being annoying, you're probably going to set some boundaries with them. You're not going to just sit there and take it. You're going to say, like, hey, man, listen, like, that's. That's enough. All right? That's enough. Thanks. That's enough. Number four. And this is absolutely essential. Repurpose this loyal soldier. Because again, your inner critic is a loyal soldier. It is it. For a lot of men, it can be a really potent force, and it needs a purpose. Again, you can't just kill it off. You can't just try and shoo it away. You need to repurpose this part of you. So what function do you want it to serve if you enjoyed this? A man's guide. Please man it forward, man it forward to just one person. Share it with just one person that you know will benefit from this. This is how this channel grows. Please don't forget to subscribe, whether you're listening to the podcast on Spotify or Apple or you're watching me on YouTube and share with a friend. And as always, until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.

Sam.