Connor Beaton coaches a couple on why she feels unsafe and disconnected. She says his inconsistency and volatility make her unable to trust him. He needs to examine his own needs honestly, separating what comes from wounds versus what he actually requires, to rebuild safety between them.
I'm doing my best in the relationship, but my significant other, my wife, my girlfriend, is saying that I don't feel safe with you. I feel like I want more of you. I feel like I can't get close to you. I feel like I can't connect with you. What's she responding to energetically or behaviorally within us as men when she's saying those things?
Probably inconsistency and volatility, and possibly also her own experience with the masculine that may need some attention as well. While he may be developing as a man and developing in his own leadership relationship style and his own healthy, healthier expression, he still may not be where she would like or need him to be. And that's less of a criticism on him and not a criticism on her either, by the way, more like what she gets to work through. So if you're seeing your partner make changes and those changes are noticeable, that still may not be enough for you as a person, right? You may need more, like where you're at, what your needs are, what your non-negotiables are. If you can give a very authentic inventory of what your needs are, right, and ensure that they're not coming from a compensatory place or a wounded place
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
