Do This One Thing With Women To Create More Sexual Connection

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Welcome back to the Man Talk Show. Connor Beaton here. And today I'm going to be teaching and talking about one of the most important tools or principles when it comes to elevating the sexual connection and sexual intimacy in your relationship. And I have, I've taught this to a lot of men. I have found that the guys that actually execute on it consistently see a massive change, change in the connection with their partner. And I'm going to get straight into it, I'm going to teach you what it is, why it's important, and then how to actually execute on this. So what I want to talk to you about is what I have called expectationless desire. Expectationless desire. And I'll just define that for you straight up front. Which expectationless desire is really about bringing your desire, your arousal to your partner with, without the expectation that it needs to go all the way, without the expectation that it needs to be a home run or at least needs to lead to some type of outcome. Cause what happens for a lot of men is we bring expectations attached to our desire. So when you feel aroused, when you feel like you're maybe ready to go with your partner or you're desiring them, you can bring a pretty intense level of expectations energetically, verbally that coincide with that. And here's why this is important. Here's why this really matters. I have worked with so many couples over the years where one person wants to have more sexual connection than the other person in terms of quantity and maybe even quality. And there is a big discrepancy oftentimes between what one person is wanting, what the other person's wanting. Now, this happens for many reasons, but one of the big differences is that men and women have different arousals or different desire systems. Now what do I mean by that? Women largely have what's called responsive arousal or responsive desire. Roughly 80% of women have responsive desire or arousal. And what that means is that they respond to input and information that is coming towards them, often.

The input of being desired. So for a lot of women, the act of being desired is the thing that causes arousal. And that can be in different forms. It can be verbally, physically, through touch. It can be through acts of love. It can be in different environments, can, can cause that. But it really is about a receptivity. It's about a responsiveness and a receiving. Versus for the majority of men, we have a more spontaneous form of arousal or desire, meaning you could see your girlfriend get out of the shower and want to have sex right there and then, or See her in a summer dress or a certain outfit, and you're like, yes, ready to go. And so that doesn't mean that you, you know, you've got like a hard on, but it's just like the, the energetically you could be ready to go. So that's spontaneous desire. The majority of men have spontaneous desire, arousal, and the majority of women have responsive. And what happens when initiating is that these two things collide and they can sometimes not mix well. Because what can happen for a lot of men is that they have this spontaneous desire. They feel the arousal and the desire for their partner, and they bring that very intensely. And it's not the intensity that's a bad thing. It is the expectation of the outcome, right? So another word that I like to use, another way that I phrase this is outcomeless desire. So you can bring your arousal and your desire to your partner on a regular basis without the expectation of a specific outcome. It needs to go all the way, right? Or this specific outcome needs to happen. And as men, we can fixate on that. And when we bring that, when you bring that to a woman, she can feel it. So she can feel this expectation is attached to it or this outcome is attached to it. Now, again, for some women that fall into the spontaneous category, that's not gonna be a problem. It might not be a big issue. There are, you know, something like 20 to 30% of women fall into that more spontaneous category where when you bring that spontaneous energy to them, it's exciting, it's arousing, they're good to go, they're ready. But for the majority of that's not the case. When you bring your spontaneous arousal and desire to them, coupled with the expectation of a very specific outcome needing to happen, that can feel constricting for them, and it feels more for them about that outcome. And this is the big key. It feels more to them, that is about the outcome, you getting to get your rocks off or having sex or whatever it is, and than it is about you desiring them and getting to however you want to phrase that, ravish them, explore them, have fun with them, be intimate with them, be close to them, whatever word or verbiage your partner happens to use, and that will diminish her arousal. If she thinks or feels or can tell that you are more focused on the outcome that needs to happen, then the desire for her, then it will reduce the level of intensity that she feels around her own arousal and around her own desirability. So that's why this is so important. Now, what can you do to improve the odds in the relationship? What can you do to create more consistent sexual connection? And very simply, it is bringing outcomeless desire or outcomeless arousal or expectationless arousal to your woman on a regular basis. So this can look like a number of different things, right? It means you can start to touch her more, kiss her more in the spots on her body that she likes. It can mean that you, you know, maybe text her certain things if. If that's what she likes. And you can create certain scenarios or sort.

Things that you want to do later or what you'd like to explore or what you miss doing. All of those types of things, right? Using the. Using the different senses, touch, smells, sights, sounds, all of those things. Looking for opportunities to bring your desire to her without the expectation that it needs to go to a specific outcome. And the more that you can do that, the more that it's going to turn on that system within her that says, I don't really know when this is going to happen, and now I'm excited by that. And this feels spontaneous, this feels exciting. It's not the same sort of like, you know, Friday F night where we have sex at the same time and in the same position. That's which, you know, a lot of couples fall into monotony. And research has shown that, generally speaking, women get bored faster sexually in relationships. And so it starts to check off a lot of boxes that will activate a woman's arousal system, that will activate her desire system. And for you, and this is one of the other reasons why this is so important, you will be continually bringing your arousal and your desire to her, signaling, I'm turned on by you, I'm aroused by you. I desire you, I crave you without the attachment of. And this spec I need to get off right now. Because you've probably noticed that sometimes women will test men. There's all sorts of different words for this, but they'll test men to see how in control are you of your impulses. And one of the things that's very attractive for a lot of women is knowing that she can trust you with your own own sexual desires and your own sexual impulses, that you are sort of, you have dominion or domain over that part of your body and your psyche and yourself. And so that leaves her. That allows her to feel safer and trust you with your own sexual desire without feeling like, oh, I'm now responsible for that and I have to tell you no. When maybe, you know, you don't want to be told no or I have to Say yes when maybe I don't want to say yes. And that can create a lot of friction and resentment within the relationship. So try this out for the next seven to 14 days. If you're in a relationship, start to bring expectationless desire, outcomeless desire to your partner. And you might need to sit down and talk to her and say, you know what? I think I've put a lot of expectations on every single time that we make out that it needs to, like, lead to something you, you know, or when I step into the shower with you, that it needs to go somewhere. And I'm going to rein that back a little bit. Now you have to follow through. So if you make any type of commitment, make sure you follow through, because she will hold you to it. But you can just start to. You don't even have to have a conversation about it. You can just start to bring your expectation less and outcomeless desires to her on a more consistent basis with touch, with, you know, different conversations, with creating different scenarios, with saying what you want to do later without it needing to go anywhere and start to notice how she responds at first. You know, depending on your dynamic, she might push you away, she might be a little apprehensive, but eventually she's going to start to settle into like, oh, he keeps bringing his arousal and his desire to me, but it's not needing to go anywhere. And you, what you will likely notice is if you're doing this in a way that is consistent and regular, that she will start to take things to the next step on a natural basis of like, no, maybe we should go upstairs now. Or you know what? Like, let's just do it right here. And so who knows how that's going to play out? But start to do this practice every single day, a couple times a day, finding opportunities to bring your spontaneous desire, your arousal, even if it's not spontaneous, just finding ways to bring your desire and arousal to your partner without the energy that you expect it to go somewhere, without needing it to go and lead to a specific outcome and begin to notice how she is responding. My guess is that it's going to lead to some wonderful, wonderful things. So share your comments and questions in the comments below. If you're watching this on YouTube, definitely share this with somebody. Man it forward that, you know, needs to hear it. Um, maybe this is something that you actually want to listen to with your partner and ask her, you know, what parts of this do you love? Do you, do you actually like this? Do you like what this guy's saying? Get her feedback. If that's something that you find relevant in your relationship or if this is something that you just want to test out. Go forth, my friends. Go forth. All right, take care, and we'll see you next week.