Connor Beaton argues that therapy misses men's suffering because 85% of clinical psychologists are women trained in validation-focused methods that don't address male crises like divorce and asset loss. He describes men who appeared happy before suicide, noting therapy often leaves them without concrete direction, while Jordan Peterson's straightforward advice resonates because it offers a roadmap out of despair.
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What's going on, team? Welcome back to the ManTalks Show. Today, we're going to talk about, does modern therapy not understand men's suffering, and specifically the depths of male self-destruction, AKA male suicide? Does the therapeutic and psychological industry really understand men's suffering? I think that's a big question. I think it's very debatable, right? When you look at the therapeutic industry, 85% of clinical psychologists are women. That's a huge number. And we have to acknowledge that there is a difference between men and women. There is a fundamental difference between what it's like to be a man and what it's like to be a woman, biologically, psychologically, emotionally, sexually, they are fundamentally different experiences. Now, that doesn't mean that a woman cannot be an exceptional therapist or psychologist for a man. That doesn't mean that at all. I've worked with some women before that can be incredible. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that the industry itself is clearly missing something. And my guess is this. My guess is that the majority of men go into therapy and psychology and their problems and their issues for the most part are treated in a very female-oriented or feminine way. And so a lot of men will enter into therapy and what they will receive is validations about their emotions, what they're experiencing. They'll talk about their family system. And those things can be very helpful. But when a man is going through a divorce and he's just lost 50% of his assets, and he doesn't have access to his kids outside of once or twice a month, there's not much that this sort of emotional validation is going to do. There's not much that things like cognitive behavioral therapy are going to do when a man is faced with The real experience of having half of his life savings taken from him, of not being able to see his children, right? We sort of have this notion that men don't really care about being fathers within our culture outside of like a selective few, but those aren't the guys that get divorced, right? That we have all of these sort of asinine assumptions that I think have bled into the way that men are treated when they enter into the therapeutic and psychological system. I'll end with this, 'cause I think this, this was heartbreaking for me to see. And it can honestly make me— it's almost hard to talk about. I saw this video recently of a bunch of men. It was sort of cycling through these videos of men playing with their kids, having fun with their friends, having fun with their family out at the park. And what the videos were, were the last videos of these men before they had taken their lives. And on the surface, they looked great. You know, on the surface, they looked real good. And I've known a number of men like that. You know, I've known a number of men like that, where on the surface, they looked real great. But deep within themselves, they felt completely alone and completely isolated. And there were certain issues and problems and experiences that they had gone through in their lives, abuse that they had experienced, sexual abuse, abuse, some type of trauma that they had literally never told a soul. And I know this because I have worked with thousands and tens of thousands of men who have been carrying things inside of them that either no one else has known about, no one else has cared about, or no one else has known what to do with. Because so often I have heard men talk about how they have opened up about their trauma in a therapeutic setting or to someone in their life, and they've been met with that individual not knowing how to really support them or how to help them. And on the other side of it is not knowing— and this is the kicker that I think a lot of the therapeutic industry misses, and this is where I'll end— a lot of people don't know how to help men get direction back in their life. It's not just about validating your internal state. It is about helping a man have direction out of the pit of despair that he has found himself in. Very clear, concise, meaningful direction. We as men need to know what the roadmap is sometimes. And for a lot of men who have bottomed out, or a lot of men who feel like they are bottomed out or about to bottom out, they are looking for direction and a map. And the problem that I see most common within the therapeutic and psychological space is that there isn't a lot of direction. There's a lot of validating what's happening within, and there isn't a lot of, have you thought about moving in this direction? And I think maybe this is why people like Jordan Peterson have become so popular over the years, love him or hate him, right? I know speaking his name is like saying Voldemort from Harry Potter, but he has given men very clear direction. Go clean your room, stand up straight, dress properly, right? These very sort of basic things that for a man who is struggling, who has literally never gotten any masculine direction in his life, that— That nutrition, that's— that is so substantial to that man. And it's mocked by public society. It's mocked by the average person in the mainstream media. It's mocked by people because they don't know what the hell men are actually going through and actually experiencing. And that is the fundamental problem that I see happening. So, thank you so much for tuning in. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.
