Have Modern Women Forgotten How To Treat Men?

All right, team, welcome back to the Mantalk Show. I'm Connor Beaton, and today we're gonna be talking about a bit of a charged topic, which is the main reason, in my opinion, one of the main imbalances in modern relationships and dating that is leading to catastrophe, that is leading to the breakdown of so many modern relationships. And so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna lay out the imbalance, I'm gonna lay out the main problem, talk about how it shows up and what it causes, and then talk about what you can do to start to rectify this issue. So let's dive straight in, and if you enjoy this video, as always, subscribe. Like the video, share the video, and don't forget to hit the little bell notifications so that you get notified when I drop more videos like this. Okay, here we go. Here's the issue. Here is the major imbalance in modern relationships. Most women today have been taught what to expect from you as a man, but not how to treat you as a man. Whereas most men, you have been taught how to treat a woman, but you have not been taught what to expect from her. Okay? So women are taught what to expect from men. And we can see this in a lot of relationships where women have a list of things that they expect from men. He should be this tall. I expect him to earn this amount of money. I expect him to spend this amount of time with me. I expect him to have this type of degree. I expect him to live in the city and to dress this way and to talk this way and to have these types of friends. A lot of women have a list, a kind of laundry list or a bullet point list, whether it's on paper or in their head, of what they expect from men. And society has told women you should expect a lot from men, and you should not settle for less than all of your expectations to be met. Now, on the other hand, men are taught that in order to be successful with women, what should you do? You should learn how to treat a woman right. Now, how are we taught as men to treat women right? We are taught that you. How you treat a woman right is by meeting all her expectations. Figure out what she expects from you, knock that shit out of the park, and you will be the perfect boyfriend or husband. Right? This is the kind of old analogy of happy wife, happy life, right? If I just figure out how to meet her expectations, she'll be happy, and then I'll have a happy life. This imbalance is quietly or not so quietly destroying modern Relationships, it is destroying modern dating because men go in to love. Men go into relationships thinking, if I just give enough, if I just figure out what she wants from me, if I'm nice enough and kind enough and ambitious enough, if I take care of everything that she wants and needs and I figure out what her expectations are of me and I can fulfill that, then she'll be happy, then she'll choose me, she'll stay with me, and everything will be good. And you as a man, forget to ask yourself, does she respect me? Does she contribute to my life? Does she add peace to my life? Or does she add chaos? Does she meet my expectations and my standards? So what has happened is in a lot of modern relationships, men are going in with this notion of how I should treat a woman is by meeting all of her expectations. And what they miss out on is what expectations do I have that I would like a woman to meet? What expectations or standards do I hold in a relationship that I would like in a woman? And because of this, it has turned a lot of men into what I call expectationless men, standardless men. And they are so desperate to get into a relationship with a woman that they cast their own standards and expectations aside. And many women have been taught to raise their standards from what they look to get from men, but not necessarily taught what standards they should be giving back. And we see this in the modern cultural conversation. Women are told over and over again, what you expect from men is no matter what it is, it's always realistic, it's always something that you deserve to get regardless of what you are giving in return. And you should never lower your standards under any circumstances. So what happens in a lot of relationships, men go in and over give and women under appreciate. And this cycle and dynamic can play out over and over and over again. Now, I'm not saying that there isn't a dynamic that is the inverse of this, because I hear and I, and I see women talking about, you know, men really not showing up in relationships and not meeting any expectations. And I understand that. I understand that there are variations on the theme, but in this example, what ends up happening is that a man gets into a relationship, you get in a relationship with a woman, maybe you end up getting married, maybe you're just dating and you overgive and over give and over give and you're trying to meet all of her expectations. And what ends up happening to the relationship is that the beating heart of that relationship, the center, the core of the relationship, the sun of the universe of that Relationship becomes a woman's expectations. And everything begins to revolve around what she expects, how she wants the house to look, how she thinks you should behave, how she thinks you should dress. All of those pieces begin to become the sort of centrifuge of the relationship. And a man can get caught trying to meet those expectations at any and all cost. When this takes place and a man does not bring his own expectations in an equal sense, his own standard into the relationship and say, actually, here's what I expect from you around the house. Here's what I expect for you to take care of. Here's what I expect in terms of our communication and what I will tolerate and not stand for. When you withhold your own expectations and your own standards in the relationship or, and this is what a lot of men do, you make them ambiguous and covert. She never knows what you expect from her. And this is the challenge that so many men.

Do or deploy. This is the main issue that so many men have relationally, is that you as a man walk into the relationship trying to take care of all of her expectations without bringing any of your own into the fold. So the fix isn't for you as a man to get colder, right? To get to. To be more sort of hard and shut down. It's to try and develop reciprocal standards, reciprocal expectations. To say, I don't just give love without receiving it. I expect it in return. I expect respect, I expect peace, I expect partnership. That I actually also have expectations and have standards in this dynamic. Because when you as a man bring standards into love, you don't become harder to love for that woman. You become worthy of loving more fully. You see, one of the most frustrating things for a woman is understanding what it is that you actually expect. And there's also narratives within female culture and society that shames women sometimes for meeting the expectations and standards of men. We can see that out there, right? There's a lot of notion of, like, that's, you know, whatever you want to call it, feeding into the patriarchy or, you know, you're gonna. You're. You're with a misogynist or that, that type of stuff. We have demonized men's standards and expectations within relationships to such a degree that the modern man goes into relationships having little to no expectations of the woman that he's with to any degree. And this leads to resentment, this leads to animosity. This leads to a kind of unfairness and lacking of equity in the relationship. It leads to a lack of reciprocity. And what ends up happening. And this, I've seen this so many times for most men is that they get so frustrated with trying to meet her expectations. And the reality is that for some women, because of the narrative that has been said that your expectations really matter and that a man's job is to meet your expectations. For some women, those expectations become a moving target. They are almost impossible to reach or to achieve. I'm not, again, I'm not saying that this is all women, but for some women, their expectations are a moving target. And so you meet one and then it becomes a different expectation and you meet that expectation and then she's frustrated about some other expectation not being met. And I've seen this so many times where men get caught expectation chasing. And it creates a one up, one down relationship. It creates a superiority and inferiority complex within the relationship where you as a man are chronically stuck in this inferior position feeling like the problem in the relationship. Why? Because you can never live up to her expectations. And here's the thing, here is the truth. You as a man will never live up to a woman's expectations when you don't have any of your own. You as a man will never live up to a woman's expectations and standards if you do not have any expectations and standards of her in return. So what we want to cultivate in relationship is equity of expectations. Equity of standards. Yes, it's totally fine. It's great that she has expectations and standards. That is wonderful. A woman's expectations and standards are not inherently a problem. Sure, some women maybe have expectations that are unrealistic, but so do some men. There are certainly some men that are out there that are like, and I've worked with them. It's like a woman has to look exactly like this and she has to dress exactly like this. And it's so sort of controlled and particular that, that there's no room for the reality of a human being to step in. But what we want to cultivate is reciprocity of expectations that I can communicate what my expectations and standards are and I expect you to meet them. And in return I'm going to do the same thing. So how can you begin to restore balance? Let's talk about it. What do you as a man do if you have found yourself in a marriage of 10 years where you've never really had any expectations or standards, or you're starting to date and this feels brutally uncomfortable because what you've always done in the past is just try and figure out what does she expect of me? And Let me chameleon myself into that. The answer is not to become more dominant or aggressive. It's not to detach. It's not to stop giving a shit about a woman's expectations or standards. It's not that at all. It is to develop reciprocal standards. Reciprocal expectations. And you do this in a few ways. Number one, you begin to know what you personally bring to the relationship. Groundedness. Loyalty. Ambition. Emotionally aware. You begin to own the real strengths that you know are important, that are attractive for women and. And that you are proud to bring to the table so you don't shrink yourself in order to make her comfortable. I see a lot of men doing this. They're worried about being cocky or arrogant, and so they shrink from the truth of the value that they bring in a relationship. My guess is if you are watching this, you probably have a lot to offer. So stop shrinking from what you bring into the relationship. Number two, really begin to define what it is that you expect from a woman that you are dating or in a relationship or married to. Do you expect a certain type of communication? Do you want to be admired? Do you expect consistency? Are there certain responsibilities around the home or in the relationship that you want her to take responsibility for? Do you expect a woman to speak to you with kindness, who treats you with love and affection and is able to see your value? Right. How do you expect to be communicated to. It's okay. Just like a woman has an expectation or a standard that maybe you don't call her names, she probably certainly has an expectation and a standard that you never lay hands on her in a physical or aggressive way. It's okay for you to have that expectation and standard in return. That should not be all right. Neither should allowing her to talk to you in certain ways. A lot of men are worried about setting an expectation and a standard in a relationship with a woman, and they allow her to talk to him in ways that he actually does not like. And I've seen this with many relationships. And what I say to men is, don't let a woman talk to you in a way that you wouldn't allow a man to speak to you. If you feel like that would be extremely disrespectful from another man to hear that from another man, then you should not be allowing that or expecting that in the context of your relationship. Now you need to be abiding by that rule as well. So super important on that part. But start to define what it is that you expect from, from a woman in relationship and have those expectations again. Be something that you begin to communicate. So number three is communicate that as early as you can. Now this is great if you're dating, it's a little bit more challenging if you have been married for, you know, 10, 20 years. But start to communicate this sooner than later. And remember.

Standards are not ultimatums. Expectations are not ultimatums. Some people talk about expectations and standards as if they are ultimatums, Right? These are boundaries that reveal a sense of self worth and a sense of value. Yes. Maybe some of your standards and your expectations are non negotiables, right? I have a non negotiable in my marriage. This is an unspoken one. I've never had to say it to my wife. But like, I have a non negotiable that, you know, she's not. I expect her not to hit me. I don't know why I'm using these examples today, but those are non negotiable expectations. But standards are not ultimatums, right? They are things that we are working towards together. Here's my standard. Do you agree with that? Here's an expectation that I have of you. Is that something that you can fulfill? Is that something that you're interested in fulfilling? What, what do you expect of me in return?

So saying something like, I don't do relationships where there's constant criticism, that's an ultimatum. That is something where you're saying, you know, if you're gonna, if, if you're doing this, then I refuse to be in relationship with you. You can say something like, my standard is that we don't criticize each other, you know, consistently. That's a standard. My expectation is that you speak to me with respect and love and compassion. And yes, it's okay when you have bad days, it's all right when you get emotional. But calling me names, I have an expectation and a standard that that's not going to happen. Number four. Number four on the list is do not reward disrespect. Do not reward disrespect. So this happens all the time in relationships where a man will allow and tolerate continuous contempt, chronic criticism in a way where, you know, your partner deploys character attacks and calls you names and belittles you. And for a lot of men, what happens in relationships is that they don't communicate their expectations of how they want to be interacted with and communicated with in order to feel good, which will allow you to continue to provide, to continue to meet her needs, to continue to water the garden of the relationship and take care of it. So this isn't about Dominance. This is about integrity. This isn't about control. This is about breeding a culture of trust within the relationship. So think about some of the expectations and the standards that you have that are going to allow you to feel like trust is present in the relationship and know that sometimes you're going to go through a hard time together. So just know that that's there. Number five. Model what it is you want to receive. Model what it is that you want to receive. So treat her with respect, treat her with warmth, treat her with honesty, not performance or people pleasing, right? Instead of running around trying to meet her expectations just so that maybe you can get something in return. You are modeling reciprocity. I am giving these things to you freely because that's the agreement that we have created within our relationship. And a man who expects deeply but loves generously. A man who expects deeply. I expect love, I expect care, I expect compassion, I expect respect because I operate in a way that is respectful, teaches and models both love and accountability for the relationship. So you can begin to end this imbalance in a relationship by bringing some of your expectations forward, by bringing some of your standards forward and holding those standards in the relational dynamic. And, and when you do that, you are going to not only create a proper balance relationally, but you are going to end some of the resentment that has lightly built up. You are going to start to end some of the nice guy and the people pleasing tactics that you usually deploy to try and get love in return from a woman. And you are going to set a tone and a standard of what is expected within the relational dynamic. So more on this soon. Share your thoughts, share your comments below. Let me know what you think. And as always, until next week, Connor Beaton signing off.