How to Reclaim your Masculinity

Welcome, guys, to the Man Talk Show. I'm Connor Beaton, and today we're going to dive into the seven things you need to know about reclaiming your masculinity. We're going to get right into it because this is a big episode. This is a big conversation. I'm going to try and condense it down into something tangible, tactical, and actionable for you. This is something that a lot of men have been reaching out about. How do I reclaim my masculinity? I don't feel strong in my masculinity when what is masculinity even? Which is a very different conversation and video that will be coming out just for you. But today we're gonna talk about actually reclaiming that and what that looks like. And so in order to do this, what we need to understand and where we actually need to start is to start rejecting the idea that masculinity is inherently bad or wrong or destructive. Masculinity is not a problem. Masculinity is not a disease that we need to cure people of or cure men of. It is not an issue. And for many of us, unfortunately, we grew up in home environments and around other men that weren't safe, that were maybe abusive, that, you know, had a lot of personal issues. But that. That's not toxic masculinity. That's not a problem in masculinity. That's a. That's a problem in a man. That's a man who has shame, who has wounds, who has guilt, who is using drugs and alcohol to repress and suppress his own unhappiness. That is an individual problem. That's not a problem with masculinity. And so we need to start to reject this concept that masculinity is inherently wrong and bad and that it's creating some destructive issues within our world, because that's not actually the case. So we need to demystify and dewound our relationship with masculinity and start to see it as something that can be powerful. Start to see it as something that is very inherently rewarding for us as men. The second thing that we need to understand is that there is a part of you that is probably seeking validation. And if you are a straight guy, you're probably seeking a lot of validation from women. And that validation is teaching you something. It's telling you something about yourself. Step number two is to start to notice where you seek validation from women. Do you need them to tell you that you're attractive? Do you need them to tell you that you are Smart enough, good enough, lovable enough that you are man enough. And look at all the ways that you are trying to constantly prove yourself worthy enough to women in your life. Now this doesn't mean that women's opinions aren't valuable because they actually are very, very valuable. It simply means that you don't seek that valid and that self worth from other people. So start to notice where you seek that validation from, especially with women, and start to give that validation to yourself. So if you're seeking validation of being good enough or smart enough or strong enough from women in your life, start to give that validation to yourself. This is true confidence, this is true inner strength. You are giving yourself the permission and the value of that you are seeking from other people and is incredibly powerful. It is incredibly empowering. When we stop seeking permission to live our lives from other people, when we let go of needing permission from other people and we start to give that permission to ourself. The third thing is to really start to embrace and embody masculine qualities within ourselves and to encourage those masculine qualities in other men and to also encourage those qualities in young boys. Now this is a kind of a hot topic I think for a lot of people. And this doesn't mean that you need to be like dominant or super hyper aggressive. These aren't necessarily masculine qualities. That's probably more macho qualities. But what we do need is to start to embody strength, to start to embody discipline, to start to embody grit and toughness, and to start to embody some of these qualities in a way that allows us to really stand tall as a man, as a man who is embodying his masculine. Now this also means that it's going to require a good amount of self compassion because as we have seen as the research has shown, the most resilient people on the planet are also some of the most self compassionate people on the planet. And they have the ability to self regulate, they have the ability to forgive themselves and they have the ability to lean into the spaces where they would normally shit all over themselves, where they would normally beat themselves up for something. And so we need to be able to not only cultivate grit and determination, but to start to cultivate self compassion. You see, a lot of guys don't feel masculine because when they do something wrong, what they end up doing is over criticizing themselves is self deprecating, is beating themselves up for weeks and months on end and they don't let it go. There's no form of self compassion, there's no form of vulnerability. In that space. And what ends up happening is that they feel weak and they feel demasculated not by anybody else in that set of circumstances, but actually by themselves. And so we need to find the balance of teaching, encouraging, and embodying resiliency and grit within ourselves, but also self compassion within that strength, resiliency and grit. The next thing that we need to understand is how to renew pursue masculine relationships. Now, what I mean by this is that a lot of guys have good male friends and that's fine, and they hang out with them and they go to the bar and they drink beers and they watch games. But we need to start to pursue these types of relationships with other men that embody some of these virtues that we've been talking about. Who are the men that challenge you and call you forward? Who are the men that call you out on your BS when you know you're lying and they know you're lying? Who are the men that actually do that for you in your life? Because so many guys are surrounded by yes men and maybe men who just tell them what they want to hear and they don't progress and they don't move forward and they're not any better off because of it. So start to find the men in your life who are going to help you cultivate the this deep sense of masculinity within you, who are going to hold you accountable, who are going to call you forward into the greatness that you know is within you. The last piece is that, sorry, there's two more pieces. One of them is to hold yourself, other men and boys to a high moral standard. Now this is incredibly important.

Far too often this ties back into the masculine relationships. Far too often we just let guys go. You know, we have other men in their lives and they're not living up to what they say they want to be living up to. And we just let them do it. We're just like, ah, you know what? No big deal, that's his problem. And he'll figure it out. But we never take a stand for who we know they are capable of being. And that is a huge challenge. When we can take a stand for other people and who we know they're capable of being, we morally, from a virtuistic standpoint, intellectually, emotionally, who they show up as in the world, when we can start to take a stand for men in this way, then we start to not only cultivate these masculine relationships, but it takes courage within us. And so it cultivates a certain level of grit, determination, and masculinity within us because we're leaning into the uncomfortable conversations that we need to have with other men in order for us to. To personally grow. Remember, when you have positive, healthy relationships with other men, they're always reciprocal. And even when you're calling him forward, even when you're calling him out on his bs, you are benefiting from that in some way because you are being called to grow. You're being called to step into a very uncomfortable conversation that you will grow because of and that this other man was, will inevitably grow because of.

Almost. Lastly, connect with your purpose daily. Connect with your purpose daily. So what this means is start to cultivate and understand what your purpose is. If you don't know what it is, if you've never even questioned what your purpose is, or if you've started to question what it is and it seems to be really ambiguous and vague, start to figure that out. Now being able to understand what your purpose is on a daily basis and live that one of the most masculine things that you can do because it gives your life direction. And a man with direction is one of the most sought after, appealing, sexiest masculine things essences that he can possibly have because he's direction oriented and everybody around him can see it and feel it. Not necessarily because of what he says, but because of the actions that he takes and the person that he is day in and day out. The last piece of all of this is to embrace the feminine. To embrace the feminine. The feminine is not your enemy. The feminine and women are not the enemy of men. And unfortunately, what I see some men doing, not a lot, but what some men do is they try and put down the feminine. They try and make fun of guys who have embraced their feminine. They try and put down women to have themselves feel more masculine. And that is never the path to masculinity ever. It never has been of the path to masculinity. Whether we're talking about the Stoics or the Greeks or the Romans or the Buddhists, it's just never been the path to masculinity, regardless of whether you were a warrior, a monk, or a musician, just didn't matter. So you need to be able to embrace and see the grace and see the beauty that actually is in the feminine and to start to witness that everywhere that you go, to start to see it in yourself, to start to heal your wounds with the feminine. Maybe you had a overbearing mom who was abusive to you, maybe you dated a woman who was abusive to you and took advantage of you or cheated on you. And so it skewed your perception of women and the feminine and and made you bitter and judgmental and very guarded from the feminine. So start to embrace the feminine is the is one of the final pieces. You can see we kind of closed the loop. We started off with embracing the masculine, heal your wounds from the masculine, and started to move through to the final piece of embrace the feminine and heal your wounds there. So thank you so much for tuning in like and comment below. Definitely share this video or share this episode with somebody that that you think could use to hear it. Because listen, guys, here's the thing is that we need to be the spreader of this message. We need to man it forward. We need to get this message out there to more guys who need to hear it, who are also looking for a sense of purpose, who are also looking for a way to deepen their own masculinity, to be better men, to be better husbands, to be better fathers, to be better leaders in the world. So if this video landed for you, definitely share it with somebody, man it forward. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.