Ladies - How to Ignite His Masculine Energy & Change Your Relationship

All right, team, welcome back to the Man Talk Show. Connor Beaton here, and today's actually a video largely for women, but men. Before you tune out, I would like to hear your thoughts, because here's the thing. I can say something about what we as men want collectively from women in our lives, from the women that we date and are married to. But I really would like for you to share your experience in the comments section below, because I think sometimes everybody. But I think sometimes women need to know and hear from us as men to really get a sense of what it is that we're actually looking for, to get a sense of what it is that actually makes a difference. And I see this all the time on my Instagram profile where there's a lot of women that follow me. You know, it's like 30% of my following on Instagram are women, which is very different than here on YouTube. It's 90% men and 10% women. And on Instagram, it's, you know, it's like 70, 30. But a lot of the women are following me because they want to better understand men, which I love, because I think, to be honest, there is. There are far too many women that are interested in understanding men for a lot of women that are out there. It is very common that society is saying, you don't need to understand men. You don't need to understand what men want. You just have to have expectations of those men, and then the man's job is to meet your expectations, period. But that doesn't actually always. That doesn't work. It doesn't always work. Very rarely works. And it doesn't really work because it. We've created a society of women that don't really understand what women. What men want and how they operate and what allows them to flourish. So let's dive in. This is gonna be a video about how you, as a woman can inspire a man's masculinity to flourish, his masculine energy to come online even more, and this will radically change your relationship if you follow what I am about to lay out. So, you know, there's a number of ways that women can shut down men, just like there are a number of ways that men shut down women. And I've talked about them on this channel quite a bit. For example, if a man is never really tuned into how you're feeling, ladies. And whenever you express something emotionally that you want him to know or understand about you, and he responds by shutting it down or getting defensive or not paying attention, you know, he's busy thinking about other things, or he sort of, you know, degrades what you're feeling. You're not likely to continue to bring that forward. You're going to be hurt by that. And this is a core part of your human existence, a core part of your feminine expression. And so in some ways, when men do that, it's. They are shutting down your femininity. They're shutting down your feminine energy and feminine expression. And so there are ways that you.

As a woman in a relationship with a man, are likely shutting down that man's masculine core or degrading it.

And pushing him more into a feminine orientation or just creating resentment. So here are the things that you can do, ladies, to. To elevate your man and allow for more of his natural masculine vitality to come forward in the relationship. So, number one, let go of controlling him. Let go of controlling him. When a man is more submissive or more docile, what many women unintentionally do is they resort almost as like an instinctual reaction to try and control him as a means of trying to get him to operate in. In a more masculine manner, in a more independent, more responsible, more mature way. But here's the truth. You cannot build the man you want by breaking him down. You cannot build the man you want by controlling him to be the way you think he should be. And.

You cannot evoke or pull out a man's potential by controlling him towards what you think his potential is. This will inevitably leave you both feeling resentful, period. It's one of the fastest ways to create resentment in your relationship. And there's one more piece about this control that generally happens in a lot of these dynamics, which is nagging him. And so the sort of second piece to this, the, you know, 1, 1B, we'll call this 1B, is stop nagging him. And this, you know, maybe you would like him to open up more. Maybe you want him to take more responsibility or make more decisions. You know, maybe you want him to. To communicate more about what he's feeling, what he's thinking, what he wants, what he needs. And that's all fine, that's all good. But nagging him to try and do those things will actually perpetuate and continue to reinforce the dysfunction between the two of you. And it's a natural response. You know, it's a natural response that a lot of people have, but we're talking about you ladies. So it's a natural response that a lot of women have that when you're not getting what you want from the man that you're with, there's a kind of immediate response to like, well, let me try and get this out of you. I can see that you're capable of it. I know that you can do this. I can feel this part of you. So. So maybe if I criticize you, or maybe if I complain about it, or, you know, maybe if I just. When I notice that you're doing those things, like you leave your socks on the counter, or you don't pick your clothes up, or, you know, you're 10 minutes late for our dinner, maybe if I complain about it or I nag you a little bit, that you'll get it and then you'll change your behavior. Now, this is the equivalence. This is the equivalency. This is the exact same thing as men criticizing you or complaining to you about not being satisfied sexually. Okay? This is what a lot of men do, right? A lot of men, when they're sexually dissatisfied, there's not enough intimacy. Maybe their frequency isn't there or the intensity that they want isn't there. What a lot of men will resort to is complaining. They'll start to criticize. They'll start to complain that it doesn't look the way that they want. And this is what a lot of women resort to, usually unconsciously. Sometimes it's like, I want you to get this, and so I'm gonna. I'm gonna criticize you about it. I'm gonna try and control you. I'm gonna try and nag you into the type of behavior, into the type of man that I want you to be. But what ends up happening is it reinforces this kind of mother son dynamic where you feel more maternal, right? It feels like you're having to caretake that man. He starts to take on a kind of archetypal boy within your psyche and within your body, right? Your body starts to feel like, I can't trust this man because he's acting like a boy and I have to nag him and I have to remind him and I have to try and control him to be the way that I want. And this doesn't allow him to flourish, right? What he ends up receiving is, you don't trust me. You don't trust me to make the right decisions. And it reinforces what some men are already experiencing, which is a lack of competence, right? They already don't feel competent, they don't trust themselves. And that ends up getting reinforced in this dynamic. When you try and exert a high level of control and nagging. So what can you do? What are some of the things that are going to. Once you remove this control and you start to let go of control, you start to let go of trying to criticize him into some type of behavior change. You start to let go of the nagging to try and, you know, create some type of behavior change or, you know, turn him into the man that you want. And this is a. This is, I'll just say a little caveat here, ladies, which is it's very common in a lot of fairy tales that you see the woman falling in love, that falls in love with the man, and there's something about him that she wants to change, right? Beauty and the Beast is a good example of this, right? She. She really likes him. But in the beginning, it's kind of like this ornery relationship. You know, he's this beast. He's kind of reclusive. He's a bit of a curmudgeon. You know, he's kind of cranky. And, you know, she's drawn to him for some reason, but there's a immediate desire to want to change his nature. And this belief of, if I can just change his nature, then he'll turn into the prince that I know I want and deserve. And that's a trap. For most women, that's a trap. Because what ends up happening is you fall for the potential of who a man could be, and you start to fixate more and more and more on how do I get him to go down this path, how do I turn him into the prince that I want him to be, rather than how do I begin to love the man that's in front of me? And by doing that, by accepting the man and loving the man that's in front of me.

He has the Runway and the nourishment and the love to flourish and turn into something that he's actually capable of becoming. So what do we do? Number three, you begin to be playful, okay? Just use more of your feminine wares. Playfulness. Make jokes. Take things that he says lightly instead of questioning him, or, you know, what do you mean by that? Or berating him or constantly, you know, trying to interpret what he's saying. And really what this is about is stop trying to get into his head. Stop trying to get into his head, okay? Because what this does is it puts you in your own head. And you end up going into a very analytical, very, very analysis based, rational based way of relating to the man that you're with. And when a man feels analyzed and scrutinized, he really feels like, you know, all of a sudden he's under the microscope and he's like, oh, shit, I gotta walk on eggshells. I have to perform a certain way. And there's a certain level of like, okay, I have to be tense now because she's analyzing my behavior, trying to figure out exactly what I'm thinking in any given moment. And so, you know, I can't just relax into my natural masculine essence of presence and awareness. I can't just soften and relax into being present with my woman because I constantly have to be on guard. Am I, am I say, am I going to say something wrong? Am I going to do something wrong? Is she going to analyze what I'm saying? Is she going to try and figure out what I'm thinking? So use playfulness. Use playfulness. Use humor. Use lightheartedness. Use your. Your feminine sensuality. Use your body. Use movement as a means of creating connection with your man. And my wife does an extraordinary job of this. And it's something that in the beginning of our dating, I was really impressed with. Know, I remember one of my. One of my fondest memories in the beginning of our relationship is we were cooking dinner in her apartment because I was. We were going back and forth between Vancouver and New York at the time, and we were cooking dinner in her apartment. I put some music on and she just started dancing around the apartment. And I was like, what is happening? Like, what is she doing? And she was just so free and flowing and beautiful and it was intoxicating, you know, and that's something that she has never lost. Still to this day, she does that. She's extraordinarily playful. Even when, you know, things are challenging in our marriage or challenging in our life or challenging with our kids, she can move into this wonderful playful space. And that's great because as men, we have a proclivity towards logic, rationality, seriousness, trying to figure out what to do, direction, movement. And when we are in a more masculine space, we are really mission oriented. And so a lot of the times my wife's playfulness helps me to. And again, it's not her job to do this. It's just a natural byproduct of who she is and what strengths and values she brings to the table in our marriage and relationship. But a lot of times when I'm very focused in on, I have to do these things. Here's the mission and here's what I'm trying to build in my business. Here's what needs to be done for the Kids, she brings in this very beautiful, playful nature. So bring play to your man. Your own brand of playfulness. Maybe you like pulling pranks or telling jokes. Maybe you like little silly games. My wife likes to play all these, like, really silly games with me, and it's. It's a lot of fun. And I remember at first being like, what are you doing? Like, stop this nonsense. But it is a wonderful, wonderful trait because as a man, that dance, that fluidity, that flow is very alluring, right? Like, we love when you as a woman, are very in touch with that kind of fluid nature of your own feminine essence. So be playful. The next thing, number four is tell him what you want. Tell him what you want instead of. Of telling him what to do, okay? Tell him what you want, what you love, what you value, what you appreciate, instead of telling him what to do. What happens in a lot of dynamics is that women can, especially if you're with a man that's more of, like a people pleaser, the nice guy, is that a woman can get very comfortable, for better or for worse, in telling her man what to do. You need to do this. You need to pick this up. You need to go here at this time. And she becomes a kind of manager of that man. And that's not relational. And so what ends up happening is it starts to erode the relationality between you and the man that you're with, because you end up feeling like you're his boss. You end up feeling like he's an employee for you, that you're a manager to him. And maybe he follows through and he does all those things, right? And he's this exceptional, you know, kind of you tell me to do something and I go and do it. But for most women, that's very unfulfilling. And for almost every single man, that's. That is very much not rewarding. Because at the end of the day, he sort of feels more like a servant than a spouse. And we don't want that, right? We don't. No men, no women. Maybe some men, maybe some women, but the majority of men and women don't want a servant. They want a spouse. So tell him what you want. And you can say things like, oh, you know what? I love it when you touch me this way. Or, I noticed that you took out the garbage. I love when you take out the garbage before, you know, at night. And for example, my wife, she loves having the kitchen counter wiped down at the end of the day before we go to bed. It's just something that I Don't get it. Maybe all the women that are watching this are like, yes, wipe the fricking kitchen counter down. I don't get it. I don't really care about that. It's not, I mean, maybe men as well are watching this, being like, dude, just wipe down the counter. Counter. It doesn't really matter to me. It doesn't disturb my peace if I wake up in the morning and have to clean the counter in the morning. But she loves it. And so for her, she's like, I love it when you, you know, at the end of the day, if it's your turn to clean. Because we take, we take turns. Part of our agreement is if she cooks, I clean up. If I cook, she cleans up. And we just have that natural dynamic in our, in our marriage. And so if I clean up, I'm. Sometimes that can be a little half assed. Sometimes I leave the counter, you know, or I'll leave a couple dishes in the sink. And. And at first she would criticize and complain, she would nag, and it would create conflict between the two of us. Because for me, I'm like, I don't care about that. And I hear that you care about it, but like, what's the big deal? Why are you making such a big deal out of this? And, you know, for better or for worse, I mean, I have my flaws. I'm still human. And so she started to change the tune and instead of nagging and criticizing, it was, hey, I love when you do that. I feel really taken care of. I really want us to have a clean, tidy space when we go to bed. It feels so good for me. I feel like I can rest easy here. And I was like, oh, okay. I mean, that's so easy. You know, that's no big deal. It takes me two minutes. And so the majority of the time, you know, when I clean up, I just take care of that. It's like, okay, this is part of how we clean up. No big deal. So she told me what she wants. So start to tell and express to your man what it is that you want. I love it when you X, Y and Z. I want our home to feel like this. And here's what it looks like specifically, right? So start to express what it is that you want without it being a command or demand and without it being, you need to do this, otherwise there's some type of consequence. It's a, here's, here's how I love being taken care of, right? A man. Here's a, here's A bit of a secret. A man wants to know how to provide for you, how to take care of you. He wants to know what it is that you want. Because the masculine likes to be in service to things other than himself. Yes, he wants to have his own mission and his own purpose and his direction. But part of that mission, purpose and direction is being of service to others. So be clear on what it is that you want and communicate that to him. Number five, this is a really important one. Okay, Admire his actions, current and past. Past and current. Okay, previous and current. Admire his actions. The masculine really thrives when competence is acknowledged, when his action is seen and acknowledged and valued. And praise will go further than criticism every single day. And for a lot of men, what has happened within our culture and our society is they are inundated with narratives that tell them, you're not wanted, you're not needed, you're not valuable, your actions don't really matter. And a lot of men are inundated with this type of narrative. And a lot of men, maybe you'd be surprised, but a lot of men are treated that way by women in relationships. They are treated as something that is secondary. They are treated in a way where it's like, you're not necessarily needed. You're only needed for the things that I want you to do. And so what I would encourage you to take action on is start to praise, start to admire, start to appreciate your man's actions, both in the past, the things that he's already done and achieved and taken care of, and the things that he's currently doing. So if you see something and you're like, even if it's not something that you necessarily value, right? Even if it's not something that's super important to you, but you know that he cares about it, right? Maybe he's. He's working on, you know, whatever, a car. And you don't really necessarily care about that, but he's fixing up a car, he's restoring it. Or maybe he's working on a motorcycle or he's doing some woodworking or a piece of artwork or something like that. And it's not necessarily something that you value, but you've noticed that he really is taking time and care and attention and into this thing. He's pouring a lot of his effort into it. Admire that. Okay? As a general rule, men want to be admired and women want to be adored. And the relationships that I see working the best, and this is what my wife and I try and hold within our marriage as often as we can is my role as a man is to adore her. It's to adore and I do adore my wife. I adore her. She's absolutely wonderful. And part of her role is to admire me, is to admire the man that I am, the man that I'm becoming, the man that took the actions in the past to be who I am today, Whether that's my body, my finances, how I take care of myself, how I show up as a friend. So really speak admiration to your man. I really admire how hard you, you've been working. I really admire how, you know, dedicated you are and disciplined you are to going to the gym or to eating healthier. I really admire how much you've been doing that. So take time to praise the man that you're with and you'll notice that you'll stoke the fires of his masculine essence. He will really feel like you are pouring into his cup by doing that. Number six.

We'll see how this one lands. Understand that your way isn't always the best way. Okay. Understand that your way isn't always the best way. One of the reasons why I put this in here is there's a kind of common belief system that has entered into modern day relationships that says the man is almost always wrong, the man's way is almost always wrong, and relational breakdowns are almost always the fault of men. And because of that, it has created a kind of feminine supremacy. Right? This, this idea that your way of doing things, your way of how you think life should look, how you think the relationship should look, your way of doing something around the house, that, that your way is the right way and that a man's way is the wrong way. And this, this idea has really permeated into a lot of relationships. A lot of the relationships that I've worked with, this belief system oftentimes is, is in the woman's head, like, well, my way is the right way and how he wants to do it is wrong or what he wants to do is incorrect. So there's something that we as men can teach you as well. There's something that you as women have to teach us. There is value in what you bring to the table, of course, but there is also inherent value in what we as men can bring to the table. And.

And it's, it's our responsibility in relationship to acknowledge that sometimes our way isn't the best way. And I think for a lot of modern women, one of the challenges is to be able to say, maybe the way that I want this to go or the way that I saw this happening isn't the right way or isn't the best way? Maybe it is a right way. It's a right way of doing it, but maybe it's not the best way. Maybe he actually knows something that I don't. And in doing this, you are offering sometimes a kind of surrendering to say, you know what? I'm going to let you take the lead on this. Maybe your way is the best way that we should do this. So what do you think we should do? How do you think we should do this? How do you. What do you feel is the right way? So let yourself be changed by his presence. Let yourself be changed by his difference. A lot of the times in modern culture and society, we, again, the differences between men and women in some ways have been demonized, but the different traits and characteristics and ways of thinking and ways of doing things that men bring to the table have really been demonized. And so a lot of women unconsciously enter into relationship or have been in relationship for a very long time with the mental framework that has said, my way of doing things is the best way and his way of doing things is not. And so part of that creates, again, this kind of perspective in the relationship that he's less competent, he's less trustworthy. His leadership, his ways of doing things, his expression, his direction, that those things are somehow less than what you think or what you feel or what you would like to do. So understand that your way isn't always the best way and really be open to, to a conversation with your husband, with your boyfriend, where you say, you know what? I don't know if my way is the best way here. Do you. What, what do you think? You know, do you think that maybe your way of, of, you know, doing this, teaching the kids how to read? Or do you. Maybe your way of creating sexual connection may. Maybe it is a better way. Maybe it is. So see if you can open yourself to how having moments and experiences in the relationship where you allow yourself to see or be changed by his differentiation, his different nature, his different approach, his way of doing things or his way of being that might change or alter you. And my wife has communicated this a lot when we got together. Super strong, super independent, you know, not like, I don't need no man or anything like that, but she was just very strong and very independent, and she had a way of doing things that, that was very elite. You know, she was a first chair violinist. She was the, you know, captain of her lacrosse team. Academically, she was super strong. Master's degree, da da da da. You know, she's achieved out the wazoo, and she's very, very focused. But we have different ways of doing things. And sometimes her way of doing things is the better way. It is objectively better. And sometimes my way of doing things is better, but my way of doing things is sometimes very different because it forces my wife into a. Into a place of having to relax in a way sometimes that's very challenging and confronting for her to reassess her values sometimes in the moment and to allow herself to be changed by me, because the ways in which I naturally want to do things are sometimes at a different pace. There's sometimes a different kind of importance, and that can really be supportive and has allowed her to move more and more into a very sort of feminine orientation while still holding the success and independence and all those things. Not. Not negating them or letting them go or letting them die, but allowing this other part of her to come online in a very, very different way. And I think that's possible for you as well. The last one is really notice the good in him. Okay? Really notice the good in him and support in the bringing of that goodness out in him more. Right? A person being praised, supported, will be more motivated, more inspired to do good to you. And a lot of the times, again, because you may have been hurt in past relationships, maybe the man that you're with has done something to betray you or hurt you, or there is a social narrative that has told you that men are bad, men are wrong. You know, men are dangerous, men are going to hurt you at some point. You know, men are less than in some capacity, that there's a part of you that is always looking for the best bad in that man. And I get it to a. To a certain degree. I really do, because all the women that I've ever worked with, all the couples I've ever worked with, women really communicate how much they walk through the world afraid. Afraid of men, afraid of being controlled, afraid of, you know, having independence taken from them and really feeling like prey a lot of the times. And so it can be challenging to really hold. Here's the good that I see in you, especially when betrayal has happened, especially when you've been let down either by a past partner or your previous one. But all the more reason to see and encourage the goodness in that man. So show gratitude as often as you can. Show appreciation. Highlight that man's good actions. Highlight the characteristics that you absolutely admire about him that you Just find, like, oh, I love this part of you. I love that you, you know, you can stand up for yourself under these circumstances. Or I really love how good you are to kids. You know, I really love how good you are. Like, when my wife and I started dating, I just have a habit of stopping and having a conversation with, you know, with a homeless person and trying to give money or buy food whenever I can. And I've really tried to showcase that and model that for my son, you know, because sometimes, you know, we'll be in Manhattan or we'll be in a different city and he'll ask, why is that person sleeping on the sidewalk? Why does. Where's that person's home? You know, And I'll say, some people don't have a home. And so I've always tried to embody, you know, tending to other people, taking care of other people, talking to other people, humanizing other people. And, you know, in the beginning of our marriage and relationships, she was just like, I love how much you care for people. She's like, you just care for the men in your life. You're such an exceptional friend. I love how much you, you, you know, you'll stop and take care of people on the street when they need help. And she's like, I really admire that about you. I've. I've not seen that to that degree in other people. And that level of gratitude, poison pours into me because it's a part of who I naturally am. But not a lot of other people necessarily acknowledge that. And I don't do it for the acknowledgment. I don't do it for the validation. I'm not, like, trying to get some back pat, you know, from people to feel better about myself. And there is something inherently wonderful about receiving that type of gratitude and acknowledgement from a partner and so reinforce that you love the goodness inside of the man that you're with. Make it a practice, make it a way of being, a way of living, and that will come back to you, right? Because if you are relying on someone who you are constantly pouring into, right? Because there's. And when I say relying, what I really mean is that relationships are a kind of reciprocal dynamic. The best relationships are reciprocal dynamic where you are pouring into somebody and they're pouring back into you. And I think women oftentimes. And ladies, this is not to criticize you. It's not to put you down. It's just a difference in how men and women experience the world. And the truth is that women often Experience the world, yes. Getting lots of criticism sometimes. And there's lots of expectations around beauty and yada, yada, yada. Not negating that. But women oftentimes walk through the world with a tremendous amount of validation. That just naturally happens, whether it's men approaching you, men telling you that you're beautiful, men communicating through dating apps and online that they appreciate you, they want you. Women have.

A much deeper culture of acknowledgment and praise and validation, and men do not. The average man will walk through life and men, you reinforce what I'm saying in the comments. If what I'm about to say feels true for you, let the ladies know. Let the women know in the comment section. Wherever you are with Spotify or YouTube, men do not have that same experience. Men are constantly being told how they should be different, how they should change, what's wrong with them, how they are the problem in the world. And men are generally even within masculine culture, within male culture, we don't really have a culture of positive praise with, to one another. I think that's starting to change. But generally, men aren't like, oh, dude, you know, I love how much you take care of your girlfriend and your family. And, you know, I really admire this part of you. We don't. That's not a normal part of our everyday existence because male culture is much more hierarchical in nature. It's much more competition based in nature. And so when, because of the way that male culture is, for better or for worse, we could, you know, talk about that. But for better or for worse, that's a, that's an inherent part of how male culture is. And so because of that, men very rarely experience the type of praise, the type of validation that women sort of maybe take for granted on a normal basis. And again, ladies, it's not to say that you don't experience, you know, criticism and hostility and you should be a different way and how you are is wrong. I'm not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is that men and women's experiences are largely different in this area. And so if you can be a person in your man's life that is encouraging the goodness in him, noticing the goodness in him, in his actions, in his behaviors, in his characteristics, in his traits, in a part of who he is, he will be motivated and inspired to do more good and to be more good specifically with you. And so the more, I mean, you can think about, you can kind of think about your man as like a battery, you know, the more you charge him up with love, with admiration, with acknowledging goodness. And again, this isn't, this isn't so to make it like that. You are his only source of that. He still needs to be a source of that for himself. Okay? No, no doubt about that. Right? We don't want a man who's, who completely lacks in self worth and has no confidence and isn't able to acknowledge himself. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not, I'm not advocating that he should rely on you solely, okay. But what I am saying is that you can charge that man's battery and his power plant in such a way that he will go out into the world and be more full and be more of an.

A tool for good in the world than a weapon for bad. So those are some of the pieces. I hope that you enjoyed this. It's a little bit longer than I expected, but let me know your thoughts. Let me know what was helpful and useful to you in the comment section below. And don't forget to man it forward with somebody that you know will enjoy it. Could use hearing it. And until next week, Connor Beaton signing off.