In this solo ManTalks episode, Connor Beaton addresses women (and invites men to comment) about how their behavior can either suppress or ignite a man's masculine energy. He argues that many common female actions—controlling, over‑analyzing, and managing men—create resentment and push men toward a more feminine, passive stance. Beaton offers six concrete recommendations: (1) stop trying to control him; (2) be playful and use feminine light‑heartedness; (3) tell him what you want rather than what he should do; (4) admire and praise his actions, both past and present; (5) recognize that your way isn’t always the best way, challenging a cultural narrative that men are always wrong; and (6) actively notice and reinforce the good in him, charging his “battery” with gratitude and appreciation. He supports these points with a personal anecdote about his partner’s playful dancing while cooking, and he critiques broader societal messages that devalue male competence. The video ends with a call for viewers to share experiences in the comments and to “man it forward” to others who might benefit.
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All right, team, welcome back to the ManTalks Show. Connor Beaton here, and today's actually a video largely for women, but men, before you tune out, I would like to hear your thoughts because here's the thing. I can say something about what we as men want collectively from women in our lives, from the women that we date and are married to. But I really would like for you to share your experience in the comment section below. Because I think sometimes, everybody, but I think sometimes women need to know and hear from us as men to really get a sense of what it is that we're actually looking for, to get a sense of what it is that actually makes a difference. And I see this all the time. And so there are ways that you, as a woman in a relationship with a man, are likely shutting down that man's masculine core or degrading it and pushing him more into a feminine orientation or just creating resentment. So here are the things that you can do, ladies, to elevate your man and allow for more of his natural masculine vitality to come forward in the relationship. So number 1, let go of controlling him. Let go of controlling him. When a man, is more submissive or more docile, what many women unintentionally do is they resort almost as like an instinctual reaction to try and control him as a means of trying to get him to operate in a more masculine manner, in a more independent, more responsible, more mature way. But here's the truth, you cannot build the man you want by breaking him down. You cannot build the man you want by controlling him to be the way you think he should be. And you cannot, you cannot evoke or pull out a man's potential by controlling him towards what you think his potential is. This will inevitably leave you both feeling resentful, period. It's one of the fastest ways to create resentment in your relationship. So what do we do? Number 3, you begin to be playful, okay? Just use more of your feminine wares, playfulness, make jokes, take things that he says lightly instead of questioning him or, you know, what do you mean by that? Or berating him or constantly, you know, trying to interpret what he's saying. And really what this is about is stop trying to get into his head. Stop trying to get into his head, okay? Because what this does is it puts you in your own head and you end up going into a very analytical, very analysis-based, rational-based way of relating to the man that you're with. One of my fondest memories in the beginning of our relationship is we were cooking dinner in her apartment because I was, we were going back and forth between Vancouver and New York at the time, and we were cooking dinner in her apartment. I put some music on and she just started dancing around the apartment. I was like, "What is happening? Like, what is she doing?" And she was just so free and flowing and beautiful. And it was intoxicating, you know? And that's something that she has never lost. Still to this day, she does that. She's extraordinarily playful, even when, you know, things are challenging. Or challenging in our life or challenging with our kids, she can move into this wonderful playful space. Be playful. The next thing, number 4, is tell him what you want. Tell him what you want instead of telling him what to do, okay? Tell him what you want, what you love, what you value, what you appreciate instead of telling him what to do. What happens in a lot of dynamics is that women can, especially if you're with a man that's more of like a people pleaser, the nice guy, is that a woman can get very comfortable for better or for worse in telling her man what to do. You need to do this, you need to pick this up, you need to go here at this time. And she becomes a kind of manager of that man. And that's not relational. And so what ends up happening is it starts to erode the relationality between you and the man that you're with, because you end up feeling like you're his boss. You end up feeling like he's an employee for you, that you're a manager to him. And maybe he follows through and he does all those things, right? And he's this exceptional, you know, kind of, "You tell me to do something and I go and do it." But for most women, that's very unfulfilling. And for almost every single man, that is very much not rewarding. Because at the end of the day, he sort of feels more like a servant than a spouse. And we don't want that, right? We don't— no men, no women, maybe some men, maybe some women, but the majority of men and women don't want a servant. They want a spouse. So tell him what you want. And number 5, this is a really important one. Okay. Admire his actions, current and past, past and current, okay? Previous and current. Admire his actions. The masculine really thrives when competence is acknowledged, when his action is seen and acknowledged and valued. And praise will go further than criticism every single day. And for a lot of men, what has happened within our culture and our society is they are inundated with narratives that tell them, "You're not wanted, you're not needed, you're not valuable, your actions don't really matter." And a lot of men are inundated with this type of narrative. And a lot of men, maybe you'd be surprised, but a lot of men are treated that way by women in relationships. They are treated as something that is secondary. They are treated in a way where it's like, you're not necessarily needed. You're only needed for the things that I want you to do. Number 6, we'll see how this one lands. Understand that your way isn't always the best way. Okay? Understand that your way isn't always the best way. One of the reasons why I put this in here is there's a kind of common belief system that has entered into modern-day relationships that says the man is almost always wrong. The man's way is almost always wrong. And relational breakdowns are almost always the fault of men. And because of that, it has created a kind of feminine supremacy, right? This, this idea that your way of doing things, your way of how you think life should look, how you think the relationship should look, your way of doing something around the house, that that your way is the right way and that a man's way is the wrong way. And this idea has really permeated into a lot of relationships. A lot of the relationships that I've worked with, this belief system oftentimes is in the woman's head. Like, well, my way is the right way and how he wants to do it is wrong, or what he wants to do is incorrect. So, there's something that, We, as men, can teach you as well. There's something that you, as women, have to teach us. There is value in what you bring to the table, of course, but there is also inherent value in what we, as men, can bring to the table. And it's our responsibility in relationship to acknowledge that sometimes our way isn't the best way. The last one is really notice the good in him, okay? Really notice the good in him and support in the bringing of that goodness out in him more, right? A person being praised, supported, will be more motivated, more inspired to do good to you. And a lot of the times, again, because you may have been hurt in past relationships, maybe the man that you're with has done something to betray you or hurt you, or there is a social narrative that has told you that men are bad, men are wrong, you know, men are dangerous, men are going to hurt you at some point, you know, men are less than in some capacity, that there's a part of you that is always looking for the bad in that man. And I get it to a certain degree, I really do, because all the women that I've ever worked with, all the couples I've ever worked with, women really communicate how much they walk through the world afraid, afraid of men, afraid of being controlled, afraid of, you know, having independence taken from them, and really feeling like prey a lot of the times. And so, it can be challenging to really hold, here's the good that I see in you, especially when betrayal has happened, especially when you've been let down, either by a past partner or your previous one, but all the more reason to see and encourage the goodness in that man. So show gratitude as often as you can, show appreciation, highlight that man's good actions, highlight the characteristics that you absolutely admire about him. The more, I mean, you can think about, you can kind of think about your man as like a battery. The more you charge him up with love, with admiration, with acknowledging goodness. And again, this isn't so to make it like that you're his only source of that. He still needs to be a source of that for himself, okay? No doubt about that, right? We don't want a man who completely lacks in self-worth and has no confidence and isn't able to acknowledge himself. That's all I'm saying. I'm not advocating that he should rely on you solely, okay? But what I am saying is that you can charge that man's battery and his power plant in such a way that he will go out into the world and be more full and be more of a tool for good in the world than a weapon for bad. So those are some of the pieces. I hope that you enjoyed this. It's a little bit longer than I expected, but let me know your thoughts. Let me know what was helpful and useful to you in the comments section below. And don't forget to man it forward with somebody that you know will enjoy it, could use hearing it. And until next week, Connor Beaton signing off.
