Life After De-sexualizing My Brain (and what to do)

What's going on, team? Today we're gonna be talking about life after desexualizing my brain. What does that actually look like? And what are some of the key things that I did to get there? Now, obviously this is a big topic. I actually shared a video recently that you can check out on my channel called How Desexualizing My Brain Changed My Life. And I give some very detailed experiences in there that can support you if you're looking to desexualize your brain. I'm gonna talk about what's on the other side, because for a lot of men, they say, well, what's it like? Like, how is it actually that different? Is it really that big of a deal? And I can unequivocally tell you, yes, yes, it is. So if you're not already, like 92% of you that are watching this video, if you're not already subscribed to my channel, make sure you hit the subscribe button. Make sure you hit the alert bell so you get alerted of when new videos drop. And man it forward, share this video with somebody in your life that you know will enjoy it or could use it. So with all that said, let's get started. The first thing that I want to say is that desexualizing my brain for me was not about some celibate oriented way of living. It wasn't about becoming puritanical or purist. That wasn't it at all. It was very interesting to read a lot of the comments in the Desexualizing My Brain video that I put out because so many guys, first off, I realized how many needed it, right? And that video has five, over 400,000 views. Like, a lot of guys have tuned into it. But what I started to realize was that a lot of men not only needed that content, but there was some resistance against, like, well, I don't want to turn myself into some puritanical, you know, loser that never has any sexual thoughts and is completely disconnected from his sexual energy. And so one of the things I want to say is I am in. I am absolutely way more connected to my own sexual energy and my own sexual potency in a much healthier way, I would say in a much more effective way and in a way where I actually have influence over my sexual energy and my sex drive. And that for me for a long time was a big problem. I felt out of control with my sex drive and my sexual energy. It was. It was leaking everywhere. It's like, you know, I used to have this 79 Mustang that would Leak oil. And you'd come out to the driveway in the morning and the, the freaking car would be like leaking a little bit of oil everywhere. And you'd drive down the road and like drips of. I know, it's terrible, right? But that was like me and my sexual energy. I was just leaking sexual energy everywhere. It didn't matter where I went or who I was talking to. It was a huge part of my identity and I was just like oozing that out. And, you know, there can be pros and cons to that. Generally speaking, the pros are that people know what you want, right? Women specifically know what you want and where you stand. The cons to that are generally, you're not attracting the women that you really want to be in a relationship with. You can attract the women that just, you know, want to have sex with you and hook up and, you know, that kind of stuff, which, that can be fun, but you can also put off and deter the women that are, you know, have a secure attachment and want to be in a healthy relationship. And so there, there's pros and cons to it. But anyway, the point is, desexualizing your brain is not about some puritanical efforts to turn you into, you know, some monk or some priest. That's not it at all. It's actually about having more influence and more, say, over your sexual energy, over your sexuality, over your sexual body and the expression of it so that it's healthier, it's more direct, it's cleaner. And I know that those are sort of pure catanical words, but in essence, it's about you having a deeper level of control over this impulse that just wants to run rampant. And like I said in the other video, sexual content is everywhere. It is everywhere, everywhere. It's so easy, so easy to go onto YouTube or TikTok or Instagram and, you know, within a couple minutes have your feed turned into some like, soft core porn channel, right? And so there's a couple of things that I want to share on the other side of desexualizing my brain. Number one is I haven't gotten rid of my sexual energy or my sexual desires. I am just much more intentional with them. So it's not like the energy of, oh, I want to have sex or, you know, I want to get off or, you know, that type of stuff. It's not that that's disappeared. It's simply that I have more control and more direction over it, more influence over it to express it in a way that's healthy to express it in a way that isn't getting in the way of my freaking life, right? Because it was all consuming before. You know, when my brain was hyper sexualized, I could barely go through the day without wanting to look on some social media app or open up a porn site or, you know, like having thoughts of fantasy, that kind of stuff, right? So my brain was all consumed by that and it was very hard to get a lot of other stuff done. So I have now much more energy and focus. I have way more energy and, and focus because a lot of my energy and a lot of my attention was going towards those things. Remember, we live in an attention economy and there are a lot of people who are vying for your attention and your time by using sex, by using, you know, women in bikinis, putting up inspirational quotes about whatever political event is happening in the world that are trying to gain your attention. And there's wild ways that that happens, right? I think in the other video I referred to how some dudes, some dudes YouTube channels are just, you know, riddled with like, women's pole vaulting and women's long jump. And some of you guys are hilarious. Like, I, I see you, I know you, and I got you, right? Because there was a whole bunch of guys that were like, you had me at women's pole vaulting or like, you know, women's pole vaulting was a trigger for me, that kind of stuff. Like, there's very ridiculous ways in which social media platforms and the algorithms that drive them will try and keep you on those platforms. And so it can be insidious. And that can hijack your energy, that can hijack your attention and your focus. And I know for me, it was very hard to stay focused on the things that I needed to do because my brain was constantly trying to pull me towards some type of pornographic content. Whether it was opening up a porn website, opening up a social media website, you know, texting some chick, sexting with her, trying to get her to send me a photo or like replaying some sexual experience in my head. My brain was so pornified. It was so pornified, it was crazy. And so all of that was taking my energy and my focus and attention away from making money, from building my body, from connecting with friends, from living my life, Traveling, exploring, adventuring, etc. Creating, building. So now I have all that energy and I can direct it towards the things that actually matter. The next thing is less stress. I am way less stressed than I used to be. Why? One simple thing, I was not proud of all of the stuff that was on my phone and my computer. If, like, there was this constant background noise, especially when I was in a relationship of like, what if she finds out? Like, what if she opens up my Instagram account and sees, like, goes into the Explore feed and just sees it is like all these women, you know, like these like bikini women's, you know, or like opens up my text thread and sees that like there's all these women that I'm talking to that I kind of have a nebulous relationship with, that I know I'm sexualizing and you know, so I have way less stress because all of that pornographic content, all of that over sexualized activity that my brain was pulled towards caused a tremendous amount of stress because it wasn't aligned with the life that I wanted to live. Right? I wanted to be in a good relationship with a great sex life. But that was very challenging when so much of my energy and attention and focus was out onto this pornographic content. So there's way less stress in my life right now. One of the things I said in the last video was you could literally meet me on the street today. You can open up my phone, you can go through my text messages, you can check the inbox on my Instagram, you can go onto my social media platforms and look at the recently viewed and you can look at the, the Explore page and all of that. And you're not going to find anything that's taboo. You're not going to find anything that's hypersexual. You're going to see Porsches and, you know, cameras and great photography because that's the stuff that I follow. That's where I'm putting my energy, attention. You're going to see stuff that is, you know, about bettering myself, content that's actually uplifting and inspiring and motivating for me. So that's what you're going to see when you actually go through my social media account. And I know one of you is going to test me in one of these days. I know one of you, I'm going to be walking down the street, you're like, oh, hey Connor, how about you show me your Explore page? I'll be like, all right, man, check it out. Like, go for it. So less stress. Lastly, as I have much cleaner interactions with women and this is just a, this is one that I didn't expect to be that powerful. But one of the things that was very challenging for me in the past is when I had a really overly sexualized brain and when I had a really pornified brain, I didn't realize how often I was objectifying women. Like, I would walk down the street and I would see women, and my brain would go to, like, what I wanted to do to her, or like, what I wanted her to do to me, or, like, you know, objectifying a part of her body. And that just didn't feel great, you know, because I'd be having a conversation with a woman at a coffee shop or even a woman that was sort of like a friend of mine. And my brain would be going to this place constantly while I'm trying to be present for a conversation that's meaningful between the two of us. And that also didn't feel great for my relationship because I was constantly thinking about other women. And so now I can have much cleaner interactions with women where I'm not sexualizing them, I'm not objectifying them, I'm not standing in front of them or talking to them and thinking about things that are. I don't know how else to say it, but just inappropriate for our. That dynamic and that relationship. And I think the greatest thing that that reinforces is that I actually respect and honor my relationship. The relationship that I'm in. It actually reinforces that I have respect for my partner. And so it's easier to respect my partner. It's easier to be in the relationship, because there isn't this part of me that's constantly sort of out in these other dynamics with women, whatever they might be, constantly objectifying them or sexualizing them. And so it's become a lot easier to just be in relationship with women in any capacity, whether they're at the airport or at the coffee shop or at the grocery store, at the gym or the yoga studio or whatever it is. It's so much easier to be in contact with them. And here's the. Here's the really interesting thing that I've noticed, and this is where I'm going to end. By desexualizing my brain, it's not only improved my interactions with women, but it's caused the woman that I'm with to feel much safer. You know, the women in the past when I had this overly sexualized brain were constantly on high alert because they could feel that, right? They could feel that I was just constantly oozing, you know, sexual energy, that I was leaking sexual energy out in the world. And all these interactions that my relationships with other women, whether they were friends or I was interacting with them at the grocery store, were not good, right? They could Kind of feel that there was something there because there was, right? I was. I was sexualizing them. And so it has made my wife feel a tremendous amount of safety within our relationship because she doesn't have to question, she doesn't have to worry about my interactions with other women because she. She can see and she can feel that I'm not sexualizing that individual and I'm not running some porn script in my brain. And so it creates ease in our relationship. And that safety is attractive, right? That safety is like, oh, I can relax, and now I want you more. And the cool thing is she can still tell when other women want me. She can still see when other women find me desirable. And so it still keeps that polar, you know, that polarity there, that bit of tension there of like, oh, other women want you, but you're not sexualizing them and you're respecting them. And so I feel safe, but now I still desire you. And so it has this wonderful effects. I know some guys are like, well, you gotta, you know, you gotta keep a little bit of tension with other women so that your woman knows, blah, blah, blah, that. That creates insecurity, that creates anxiousness. What we want is, we want to create structure, security, and safety for the woman that we're with. And when we can do that, what it. What that then reflects is, oh, you are a trustworthy man, and that is desirable and that's attractive. And it's. You get, you know, you even get bonus points because other women will find that attractive and other women will be. Feel safe around that, and that'll reinforce with your partner, oh, I have a high value man. I have a high status man. Because women know how hard it is for you as a man to not sexualize a lot of other women. Women know how hard it is for men to not get caught up in this very pornified way of being. So comment below if you're watching this on YouTube. Otherwise, DM me. Let me know your thoughts on Instagram. I hope that this gives you some context for some of the things that I've done to desexualize my brain and the possibilities that rest on the other side for you as you go on this journey. Stay strong. See you next week.