In this solo monologue, Connor Beaton argues that contemporary culture has increasingly accepted the public shaming of men—a phenomenon he labels the “patriarchy virus.” He observes that women often employ shame toward men in relationships, prompting resentment, hostility, and a growing disengagement from commitments such as marriage. Beaton acknowledges nuance, noting that not all men experience this and that broader systemic issues exist, but he contends that the pervasive narrative that men are the root cause of societal problems dehumanizes and objectifies them. He differentiates between the abstract concept of patriarchy as a system and the way the ideology is applied indiscriminately to individual men, leading to harmful generalizations. The video concludes with a call for viewers to recognize and challenge this “patriarchy virus,” encouraging dialogue rather than agreement, and invites comments and further discussion.
Chapters
Man shaming and the patriarchy virus. This is what we're going to be talking about today. I have noticed, and maybe you've noticed, that there is a massive rise in the social acceptance of openly, publicly, behind closed doors, person to person shaming men, right? Some people call this man shaming, but it's basically when people, women, culture, society shames men for just being male, for having preferences that are male. That shame will always and inevitably produce some type of a side effect: resentment, hostility, animosity, um, some type of pushback. It will produce a side effect. Shame is not a healthy way to motivate or incentivize people. It is an effective way to motivate and incentivize them sometimes, but it will not last and it will have a consequence. It has become acceptable for women to deploy shame. And I tell you this because so many times when a couple comes to work with me, when I do work with a couple, what inevitably happens is that the man is receiving a ton of shame in the relationship. Now, this isn't universal. It's not every single time. But often what is happening is the woman is saying, "I don't like something. I want something different," or, "I want you to behave a certain way." And what she's deploying is shame. "What's wrong with you? Why can't you do this? Like, how come you can't just X, Y, and Z?" And the shame and the belittlement sets in. And the resentment on his side starts to build up and the divide and the disconnection intensifies. By contrast, what women want, how women feel, what women think, what women contribute, all of those things, those are good. So this is the patriarchy virus, and this has been embedded into our communities, into our societies, into our culture, into the cultural conversation. There are a large subset of people out in the world that do not like men, that think that men are the problem, that think that men have all the power, that think that men are the reason that everything in the world is wrong and dysfunctional. And because of this, we have— not we, but the narrative is that this is a result of what? Of the patriarchy. And so this sets up a really big problem because what ends up happening in relationships, online forums, online conversations, is that people justify shaming men, saying things to men that they would never, ever, ever say to women, to children, to certain races or ethnicities. But they shame men. They deploy this tactic of behavioral control, coercion, and compliance. The result is what we see today. Men checking out from relationships, men seeing marriage as a bad deal. And again, I'm not blaming it all on this patriarchy virus. Okay, I want to make it very clear because I can hear the YouTube comments coming. It's like, it's more nuances, it's not that simple. I understand that. I understand that there are so many layers of complexity to what I am talking about. What I am saying is that I'm distilling this down to a fundamental idea that is so highly problematic to modern relationships that it needs to be addressed and talked about. Because the reality is, is that if you watching this video, whether you're a man or a woman, if you believe in your core that men are the fundamental problem with all of existence, that the patriarchy is the fundamental problem with all of existence, and I get that the patriarchy, the patriarchy, is a system, is an idea, an ideology that people say needs to be dismantled. But at the end of the day, what's on the receiving end of that are men. And it's oftentimes men that do not hold the power, right? Like when people talk about wealth inequality, it's like, well, there's very few men that actually hold a lot of the wealth. And then the rest of the men that are working 9-to-5 jobs building bridges, electricians, it's like they don't generally hold a ton of financial power, right? We don't generally hold a lot of the political influence, a lot of the corporate influence that is seen. But when you just take an ideology or an idea and you extrapolate it and sort of baste it over and layer it over every single man you come into contact with, and you say, "Well, you're just part of the patriarchy," that then becomes a problem because you have dehumanized that person, you have objectified that person, and you have objectified that man to then just become nothing more than the projection of how you see the idea of patriarchy. So we need to take a step back and move aside the shame. We need to recognize that some of us have been infiltrated. I don't know how else to say it. We have this patriarchy virus inside of us. And I'm not saying that it's you if you're watching this. I'm just wanting you to look out for it and to see if you can challenge people that have that patriarchy virus. All men bad. Every problem ends with men. Men are disproportionately the problem in relationships. Okay, let's challenge that. Let's talk about that. Let's poke some holes into it. So comment below. Let me know what your thoughts are on this concept. I'd love to hear it. Good, bad, ugly, whether you agree with me or not. It's not about agreeing with me. I'm more interested in the dialogue. So comment below, man it forward, and don't forget to subscribe to whatever platform you are tuning in on. See you next week.
