My Thoughts On OnlyFans And Why Men Are Drawn To It

So I had a guy reach out to me last week asking me about OnlyFans. And for those of you who don't know, OnlyFans is. I mean, I feel like everybody knows this, but I'll explain it anyway. OnlyFans is a site where predominantly women create profiles, and then men can subscribe or sign up and receive sexual content. Right? Photos, messages, video content, that kind of stuff. And the guy was asking me, like, you know, I don't watch porn anymore, but what's your take on. On OnlyFans? Like, how do you feel about men having OnlyFans accounts? And do you think that it's damaging for relationships? Do you think it's okay if you're single? I haven't necessarily wanted to address this because it's a big topic. And I'm gonna try and I'm gonna do a longer episode on this in the future, but I wanted to just try and address this here and talk about why I see a lot of guys getting hooked on OnlyFans. That the reality is that OnlyFans is a. Is like a form of fantasy land. It's entertainment. It's a place where you as a man can have your idealized woman, even if it's just virtual. And so it's very convenient in a sense, because you don't necessarily have to go hunting for what it is that you actually want. You don't have to work on who you are. You don't have to alter who you are. And there's this odd kind of acceptance that is naturally baked in to the dynamic and that sort of exchange that happens on OnlyFans. Right? If you sign up to a woman's account, what you're basically saying is, I'm going to pay you and I'm going to idolize you. I'm going to fetishize you, I'm going to worship you. I'm going to have you be the reason why. I look at my wife or my girlfriend, and I'm disappointed in the sex that we have or wish that she was more like you. So she becomes, you know, this woman that you. That you're following on, on OnlyFans becomes the object of desire that you are not bringing into your relationship. So, so essentially the, you know, these. These women on OnlyFans turn into a multitude of things for you as a man. I did a little bit of research into this, and like, you know, one of the guys was talking about, you know, some of the women that he follows. And interestingly enough, most of the most prominent women that are on OnlyFans that have a ton of, I don't know if you call them followers or what, but that have, that make the most money. Okay, let's just say that that make the most money, they're kind of normal women, right? Kind of got like that like next door vibe. And, and they are women that men can connect with, right? They're not the sort of like overly plastic surgery, fake looking women. They're like women that can become, I guess in the anime world they call it waifu, right? This idea, there's this virtual being that's out there somewhere that is meeting all of your needs, right? That she's sort of acting in the way that you want, she's desirable in the way that you want. And for a lot of guys, what that means is that there's this internal story of like, oh, I could have that woman, there's a chance that I might be able to have that woman. And the separation comes with the sense that like you don't have to do anything to have her outside of pay for photos, for videos for her time for whatever. I don't know if there's other things that you can get on OnlyFans. And so it, it creates a very transaction based relationship between the man and the woman who's on OnlyFans. That's the problem, right? That's the problem is that it turns the dynamic into a transaction where I'm going to pay money and you are going to send me photos and you're going to send me naked photos or videos or you're going to do something for me, but I'm going to pay for it. The challenge that I think that comes along with that is that it's, it works beautifully for our psyche as men because in some periods of our life, in some instances we do want things to be transactional, right? You've probably felt that a period of your life or certain circumstances in your life where you do kind of feel like I just want something to be transactional. I just want to have sex and I don't want it to be complicated and I don't want there to be strings attached and I don't want somebody to get emotionally connected and I just want to explore and have sex. You can do that online, right? Dating apps have made that abundantly possible. But the problem is, as data is starting to show, and again I'm going to go into this in another video as dating is starting to show. Dating apps are disproportionately advantaging women and women's preferences and women's wants and women's desires, and so very few men, statistically. Right. If you look at Tinder data, you can see this. And I'm going to. Again, I'm going to back this up with another video because I. I don't have it in front of me right now. But statistically, men will swipe yes to, like, 80% or 70% of the women that they come across, and women will only swipe yes to, like, 20 or 30%. And so those dating apps are disproportionately designed for women's selection, and OnlyFans reverses that. OnlyFans is a sort of like a stomping ground for men's selection. Right. It's a place where a man can just go and. And you can just select, you know, the type of body that you want, the type of face that you want, the type of, you know, interaction that you want, and you have that exploration at your call. Now, is it a bad thing? That's up for discussion. If you are in a relationship, it is probably something that is serving a very specific role for you, and that role is likely something along the lines of having some form of sexual repression within your relationship. So there's. There's something that you want to explore with your partner that you're not. There's something that you're desiring from the connection emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, that you're not getting in that relationship. And so you Open up an OnlyFans account and you find a woman on there that kind of meets this idealistic version that you've held in your head, and you get to play out this fantasy of what it would be like if you had a woman like that. And that's true for maybe not all, but the majority of men that are going to go on OnlyFans, they're on there because they're getting to play out this kind of fantasy of what would it be like if I had my idealized woman? What would it look like? What would it feel like for me to have that idealized woman? And again, it's not about it being morally wrong or morally bad. I'm not interested in that conversation right now. It's just more about what's happening in that moment. And so for a lot of men who feel confronted, who are afraid of rejection, who don't feel confident, who don't feel like they know how to talk to women who have been on dating apps for a year or two with very little success, this is a very easy route for them to go down to feel Fulfilled, quote, unquote, relationally. And the interesting thing about OnlyFans is that the guys that I've worked with that have been on OnlyFans, it's not just a sexual thing. For a lot of the guys, it is truly that there is this part of them that is acting out and sort of fantasizing about what it would be like to be in relationship with that woman. Because they tend to source out and find a woman that is a kind of idealized version like this, this image that they've held in their mind for a long time of what would satiate them or satisfy them as a man. And that can feel very disappointing, especially if you're in a relationship with a woman and all of a sudden you find yourself comparing your partner, who's flawed, who's imperfect, to this woman that you are literally paying to do and say whatever you want, right? And it's the trap that guys can fall into with prostitution, right? Because you can pay somebody to do, say, experience and explore exactly what you want and you don't have to do the hard work to confront or work on or deal with your marriage or your relationship. And so those are my Preliminary thoughts on OnlyFans. And I would love to hear your questions, your comments, so I can address it in part two and pull up some of the data from Tinder and start to explore in a little bit more depth some of what is happening in modern dating. Because it's very interesting to see what is going on in terms of men, whether they're, you know, entering into the dating world after a long term relationship or marriage has, has ended, or whether they've been in the dating world for quite a long time. So whatever your questions are, either DM me on Instagram man talks, or if you're watching this on YouTube, comment below this video. Let me know what you thought, what did you enjoy, what did you like, what would you add, what did you disagree with, and what questions do you have for me to explore next time? All right, be well.