Should Men Level Up or Women Lower Their Expectations

So if you've been watching my channel at all lately or tuning into my show, you'll probably notice that I've been talking a lot about relationships. And I've been doing that for a number of reasons. Mostly because it seems to be a bit of a nightmare within the dating game, within the relationship game, within the marriage game. And the landscape is changing. And I think one of the reasons why I've been talking about it so much is because when I look online and I listen to what other people are talking about within the context of relationships, I see an overly simplified reasoning and rationale for why things aren't working. You know, I look at all these dating coaches and relationship coaches for women, I look at all these dating coaches for men, therapists, psychologists that are talking about what's happening. And for the most part, it's really overly simplified. You know, you hear advice like, ladies, don't settle on your standards. You know, just like, don't settle until you find that man that's 6 foot 5 and makes $500,000 a year. You deserve more. Right. And you hear guys say, you know, getting told to not even bother. Right? Like, just learn how to pick up women, get really good at it, and, and don't bother with long term relationships or marriage. It's a waste of your time in 2022. And if you want a long term relationship, you're. You're a beta chump, right? Right. You're a cuck.

And then you hear the rhetoric and the ideas of what's causing the challenges within the dating world today. And I think this is what I really wanted to focus in on for this video. Because whether you're dating, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whether you're married, I think we can all be honest and recognize that the majority of us think about relationships a lot. A lot. Because we're human beings, because relationships are an integral part of who we are. And one of the challenges that I've heard that I think is detrimental to the dating world, to relationships, and to marriages in today's world is this oversimplification that either men need to just step up and they need to figure their shit out and get their shit together and, you know, become better men. And it's just, it's all on guys. You know, it's like the work is you, yours, you know, men, you got to figure it out. Or this oversimplification that, you know, women's needs and wants, their expectations are just. Have never been realistic. Right. And they're never going to be realistic. And women are, are just hypergamous at their core and they are just looking to trade up, right? They're always wanting to date up. They're always wanting to date a top tier man who has the resources, who has the looks, who has the strength, who has the status, who has the power. And that's all that women are interested in. Now I think one of the things, and I'm going to talk about both of these sides because I think one of the challenges again is that things have become oversimplified. And so what I would just encourage, you know, as I've gone through this sort of question of like, what the hell is happening within the dating landscape. What I would encourage is to not buy into a single ideology, right? We are living through times where everybody is afraid, everybody is jacked up on social media and you know, doom scrolling through whatever social media platform you, you look at and getting caught in this very sort of traumatic way of engaging with the collective. You know, it used to be that if you wanted to engage with the collective, and when I say the collective, I mean the human species, you'd have to go to grocery stores and supermarkets and football games and sporting events to engage with a mass of people. And even then, generally you weren't sort of engaging with people one on one, right? You weren't walking up to random strangers and having conversations with them. You know, you weren't asking them about their opinion on political subjects and getting into their beliefs on, you know, sexual orientations. You weren't having those conversations. But all of a sudden the Internet and social media specifically within the last 12 to 15 years has made it abundantly easy to hear radical opinions and perspectives. And unfortunately, the way that the algorithms work, as most of us know, is that they over prioritize very staunch opinions and perspectives, very sort of rigid opinions and perspectives on both sides, right? Whether it's left or right, the algorithms generally tend to promote the things that are really unhealthy, you know, the things that are super rigid and almost always detrimental to the whole and to the collective in the long run. So in terms of dating relationships, when you have these conversations, don't buy into this notion because I see a lot of men, because I work with men all the time, I see a lot of guys going down this path of like, ah, you know, women are this way and women are that way and you know, all women want is money. And you know, unless I am rich and tall, then it's not going to happen for me. And you See, this sort of trend, and this is. This was really, like, shocking to me, but you see this trend of men going to get surgery, going to have a form of plastic surgery where they get their legs broken, they. To extend their legs, to extend their height. Now, why is that happening? Well, realistically, men know pretty much unequivocally, all you have to do is create a Tinder profile, go on Tinder, or go on to Hinge. And what you'll see is that the majority of women. Right. I think on Hinge, and I've never been on that platform, but this is just from friends and doing a little bit of research. When you go onto Hinge, the data shows that roughly 75 to 80% of women have their preference of a man's height set to six feet or over, right? 75 to 80%. You know, what percentage of men are over six feet tall? Oh, and this is the other thing. A lot of women are looking for men who are making more than six figures, right? And I was watching this interview series where they were talking to women that were in their 20s, and they were talking about the type of men that they were looking for. And very quickly, you got a sense that what the women were looking for was really a very small percentage of the men, right? They were saying, you know, how much should he make? How tall should he be? And in the beginning, the women were like, oh, you know, it doesn't really matter what he makes as long as he's got future goals. And da, da, da. But then very quickly, the interviewer said, well, what's an ideal number? Like, what would you like a man to make? It's like, well, I want him to make over six figures, right? I want him to make over $100,000. Well, you know, 250 grand would be nice. Well. Well, you know, over $400,000 would be nice. And so very quickly, you get a sense that a lot of these women were looking for men who are tall and have a lot of resources in their 20s, right? So, fun fact, the percentage of men in their twenties that are over six feet tall and making over a hundred thousand dollars is something like 2 or 3%, right? It's. It's. There's almost no guys that are out there. It's a very, very small percentage of men that are over 6ft tall and making more than $100,000 a year. And a lot of those guys, maybe they're in investment or maybe they're in a field that you might not want to be dating, right? I know a Lot of guys when I was in my 20s that were making over $100,000 and they were working up on the oil rigs right, in northern Canada. And generally, those guys are not the sort of emotionally available type of men that women are looking for. And so just the pool shrinks more and more and more and more. So that's kind of on the women's side, is that, you know, the standards that women have and the expectations that women have can sometimes, not every time, not every single woman, but the standards and expectations that they sometimes hold can be so outrageous that the majority of women are looking for a very, very small, small percentage of men. And so the narrative has become, well, men just need to step their game up, right? Men need to make more money and earn more money, and they need to take better care of themselves, physically and mentally, emotionally, and men just need to be better. I don't disagree with that to some degree. You know, I think that you as a man, because, you know, most of the viewers that watch me on YouTube or tune into my show, most of them are men. I know that there's a lot of women that tune in my show, and I love that, and I hope that you continue to tune in. But, you know, most of you men that come. Come to my show are here because you're wanting to better yourself in some capacity. You're wanting to have a conversation about how do I elevate myself as a man? How do I find a deeper sense of purpose or create more meaning in my life, or how do I, you know, find more joy within my relationship or within the work that I do with whatever that might look like? There's benefit and merit to you being a man who is bettering himself, Right. There's nothing wrong with that. Should you be doing it for a woman? No, absolutely not. Should you be doing it so that you can get a certain type of woman? Absolutely not. It's going to lead to disaster. Right. But can you be improving yourself because it's going to make you respect yourself more 100%. Is it going to allow you to maybe earn a little bit more and have a little bit more fulfillment and have deeper friendships and maybe have a longer life? Absolutely, yes to all of those things. Will the byproduct of that be that women are going to find you more attractive? Probably, right? That's probably true. But if that is your intent, right, if your primary mission is, I'm going to do these things so I can get more attention from women, you're missing the point. Right. You're missing the mark because a lot of women are attracted to men who aren't trying to elevate their status or their life for the attention of women. That's kind of the catch of this whole game that seems to be going on between men and women is that the men that are really desirable are not the men that are, like, trying to, you know, running around trying to prove themselves to women. There are men that are out there living life in accordance with what fuels them, with what fulfills them. They're building things they want to build. They're creating things they want to create. They're expressing themselves artistically in the ways that they want. They're pursuing the things that matter to them, the type of greatness that they want. And so there's something inherent within the core of masculinity that when we are in pursuit of our own caliber and definition of meaning and greatness and purpose, women are attracted to us. That's just part of what happens. So what does this mean for the dating scene? What does it mean for a world where, you know, women are making more and more money than ever before? Again, not necessarily a problem, but their expectations of what a man should make hasn't changed. So, you know, in 2021, the polling data showed that in America alone, somewhere between 42 to 45% of households, women are the primary earners and they're out earning men. So that means that there's this huge population of women that maybe are still wanting a man to earn more than them, but they found themselves in a position where they're the breadwinner, right? They're taking care of the majority of the bills. They're taking care of the, you know, the majority of the mortgage. They're, you know, they're the ones that are. That are bringing home the bacon, as they used to say, which is such a weird saying, you know, like, where the hell did that even come from, bringing home the bacon? So, so what do we do? How do we. How do we actually navigate this landscape? Right? Should men just step up more? I mean, sure, guys, elevate yourself. Work on yourself, better yourself. Don't do it for women. Do it because you want to respect yourself more. Do it because your life, your psychology, your morality, who you are is the adventure, right? And the more that you can go into your own masculine core, your own masculine essence, the things that drive you and light you up and make you curious, the more that you are going to develop yourself into the type of robust, capable, and competent man that is not only attractive to women, but that men trust. Right. That other men want to be around. So there's that. And women, should you lower your expectations? I mean, I think that's for you to discern and decide. You know, the data is there. It's pretty clear. I think that for some women, maybe they need to expand their horizons and open up to a different perspective of what it is that they want. You know, this notion that you should never settle, you know, that you should mark down exactly what you want in a partner and then only pursue that without any kind of, you know, it's kind of omnipotent in a sense. You know, having this notion that you as a woman or as a man know exactly what you need is playing God in a way. You know, it's like, how do you. You might know what you want. Sure. You might know what your preferences are. Great. Do you know what you need as a human being? Probably not. And the relationships that I have found within our world, the relationships that I've found in the people that I've worked with over the years that my wife and I have worked with, the relationships that work really, really well are when two people get together and they know what they want and they're willing to work on themselves, but they acquiesce that they might not know entirely what they need as a person. And that doesn't mean that they don't know what their needs are. It simply means that there's an element of the connection, of the intimacy of the love that is greater than them. Right. Because there's an arrogance to saying, I know exactly what I want and what I need and who I should be with. And I think that that arrogance is really at the heart and soul of the problems within marriages, dating and relationships today. We have adopted this really hyper arrogant notion within our Western culture that you know exactly what it is that you want and need when it comes to love and relationships. And we've adopted the notion, the sort of arrogance that if you don't know what you want and need, you fucking should. And if you don't, you're a stupid piece of garbage and you better do all of these things to figure it out and run around and do a whole bunch of therapy and yada, yada, yada, yada. And you should do that until you precisely hone in on what you want. And then you shouldn't settle at all. Even if somebody comes along that lights you up and fills you and fuels you and adds to your life in a way that you could have never expected. So what are your thoughts? What do you think about this conversation? I would love to hear. If you're watching me on YouTube, leave a comment below, add into this equation. You know what, you know, whether men should elevate or women should release some of their expectations and comment maybe just on what you think is happening within the dating world, within relationships, within marriages. I would love to hear. I see all of you commenting on my YouTube videos lately, and I really appreciate that because it gives me insight into what you're thinking, what you're dealing with, what you're what you're challenged by. And if you're listening to this on the podcast, on the show, then fire me off a message on Instagram. Share this episode, man it forward, share it with somebody that you think might have an opinion on this. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.