Staying Grounded During COVID 19 Chaos with Vienna Pharaon

All right, we have a lockdown Corona special here with Vienna Ferrand, my lovely wife. How you doing, wife?

I'm good. How are you?

Good. How's Vancouver treating you?

Vancouver is great. It's nice to see the water and mountains and a little different scenery than from the New York City apartment.

Yeah. So for those of you who don't know.

On Sunday we flew Vienna out to be here in Vancouver, and this morning they closed the border. So we are here in Vancouver, and we're going to be bringing you some conversations over the next little while and some lives, and we'll be supporting however we can. But I think today what we really wanted to talk about was how to stay grounded in this time. I think it's very chaotic, and people are feeling the impact in their families. They're feeling the impact in their homes. They're stuck in their homes with their partner who maybe they don't spend that much time with. But I kind of wanted to check in. So how are you feeling with them so far?

I feel mostly grounded. I've obviously had a few moments of feeling pretty displaced. And even though being with you is nice and, you know, being closer into nature is nice, I definitely had moments of. Yeah. Like, just being outside of my home and not knowing when the return. You know, obviously, like, sort of there's a quote, I think that's been going around, and a rabbi was talking about how.

That nothing has really changed other than the illusion of control. You know, this veil has been lifted. And I think for so many of us, our certainty and our routines and the control we believe that we have in our lives is now deeply disrupted. But it's also something that's just being revealed to us. Right. That the thing that we think is being taken from us is maybe just revealing something that was always there for us. And so, yeah, I mean, just trying to drop into feeling a little displaced. And all of the emotion that's around.

That unintentional forced vacation where you have to figure out how to work remotely and change everything in your business. Because you're in Vancouver, you usually work in New York. I think a lot of people are feeling that sense of displacement, whether they are stuck at home and they can't go into work or they can't go to the gym, they can't do their normal routines.

Yeah, I mean, I think we're fortunate because we have businesses where we can still be of service and stay afloat. I know that for so many people who have to go into work in order to get paid or who don't know when the next check is coming, or who work for tips or whose work has to be in person because they're a masseuse or whatever it might be that for so many people there's so much uncertainty. The job loss and, you know, the layoffs, everything that's happening. So, you know, it's hard to find a new routine when your threat responders are in full activation mode. You know, I think for some of us there's.

What do you mean by threat responders?

Well, we're experiencing trauma right now and like, collectively and also individually and relationally. And, you know, the system is shaking. And for some of us, we are fortunate or in a privileged position where we can shake with the system and move and use this time in a way that can feel expansive. And I think for a lot of others within this shaking system, like this threat of will I literally be able to survive? Will my body be able to do what it needs to do in order to keep me literally alive? It is also saying, will I literally be able to put food on the table? Will I be able to feed myself or feed my children or feed my parents? Right. So the threat is in many instances, it's death. And the threat is also not just this basic, simple surface level, like, oh, I'm on vacation, or I'm just living life a little bit differently right now, and wow, I get to be in nature or, wow, I get to rest and read books. I think that is true that there is space and room for that, but the reality of it for so many people is that this is life and death.

And, you know, that's not, that's not lost on me.

Yeah, I think one of the challenges, like, I've been connecting with my family and, you know, you and I have have been impacted by this pretty significantly as well. Like, you know, I had to close down men's weekends, went to cancel the co ed retreat. You know, my speaking. Speaking engagements were canceled. You, you and I had to cancel workshops that we had coming up. I mean, so, so, so many things that would be you. You know, income generators have just been, have just disappeared. And it's, you know, it's, it's very costly. But I think we are fortunate to a degree where we can shift our businesses and see people online. You know, I spoke to my sister yesterday and she's a personal trainer and her gym is shut down. And the gym owner, literally, as he's saying, hey, like, we're shutting down the gym for the next couple weeks, adds on at the end, this is going to bankrupt us, and you're not going to have a place to work by the end of the month. And so.

I can feel that in my family. I think for her, she's very anxious inducing. And it's like, what am I going to do and how do I change and how do I adapt and how do I still continue to help people and what am I supposed to do for money? Where's the next paycheck going to come from? And I think that that is the underlying challenge and really reality of what so many people are facing right now.

Things are being robbed from people right now. You know, I think that that's something that's coming up in a lot of my sessions. Right? So whether it is a job and not knowing where your income is coming from, whether it is your senior year in high school or university or the last time that you get to play your favorite sport, whether it is the peace and the rhythm that you've had in a split family where you finally got your rhythm of, you know, children going back and forth between two houses and not needing to engage with an ex in a way that feels dysfunctional or toxic to you. And now those boundaries and agreements and expectations are being shifted and changed and you don't know what's right or wrong or good or bad, or should I be flexible or should I be rigid right now? There are so many things that are feeling robbed. Whether it's someone who is just coming off of this, like, reclamation of I'm with myself, I know myself, I can't wait to reclaim, whether it's my body, my life, my day, my future, you know, whatever it is. And then feeling like this is something that's keeping them inside and that they can't go and do that thing. You know, that theme is definitely present in my sessions of just like, wow, something is feeling really taken from me. And it might be my stability, it might be my sanity, it might be my calm. And what do I do about that?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like it comes back to what you were talking about in the beginning of this illusion of control. We all feel like we're in control in our lives. And then something like this comes along and shows us how little control we do have sometimes. And I think that is one of the realities of how do we deal with life when things out of our control start to really infringe on us and impinge in the way that we behave and pinch in the way that we. That we operate and start to sort of force Us to force us to change, you know, force us to adapt. And I think that the challenge in this situation is that so many people are wanting to be like, oh, Gina, just be loving and, you know, feel good. And it's like, well, the reality is for a lot of people, this is like. Like you're saying it's such a. It's such a, you know, sort of maybe life or death situation where people are really, like, two weeks away from not having any money, not being able to buy food, and having to sort of reach out to friends and family for help and support.

I mean, I think it's an opportunity, and I think a lot of people have a hard time asking for help. And I had recently, I just posted about this last night. And, you know, what does. What does asking for help mean? You know, do I associate it with failure? Do I associate it with being weak? Do I, you know, what is the association there? And I think right now we are in a space where many of us are needing to reach out and ask for help in ways that maybe feel embarrassing or humiliating. Those are some of the themes that have come up, you know, in. In my work. And I think it's part of what we're having to lean into. Even though we find discomfort in it, we want to be able to figure it out on our own, and we want to be able to do that because we have a story around that. And what happens when we can't figure it out on our own? What happens when we do need to ask for help, whether it's financially or whether it's, you know, with time?

Well, I think that you're bringing up a good point. Right. Like right now. And, you know, we're talking about. This episode is really talking about how to stay grounded amidst this chaos. And I think part of it is knowing that you can ask for help and knowing those sort of outlets and resources that you can turn to for support. So I feel like help is an intricate or integral part of being able to stay grounded in these moments. So can you say a little bit more about how people can ask for help and who they should go to and what they should expect when it comes to having to lean into that uncomfortable place of maybe feeling a little helpless and needing to reach out for support?

I mean, it's people, you know, and it's strangers right now because there are people who are willing to help financially. There's a lot of people who are coming together with big platforms who are trying to unite or raise money that. Where the money goes specifically to funding, you know, something in particular. And so I. What I'd encourage is one, don't be afraid to reach out, even if it's $5 or $10 or $20, like, you know, to. To be able to name that and bring it forward. Or if you need someone to go and get a groceries for your aging parents and you know, the neighbors who are young and, you know, capable and that they can leave it at the door, you know, it's like we're having to surrender to that and we're having to really ask people to show up for us. And it's can be people you love and know well, or it can be strangers, because strangers are coming together and they are offering what they can. And sometimes it's financial and other times it's like what I can offer is a video on how to stretch well, a video on how to breathe well, a video on someone posted on mine last night, like how to cut your own bangs from home. You know, it's like there are so many things that we can be offering and receiving. And I think it's a beautiful coin of vulnerability of what can I both give and what can I receive, that this path goes both ways and to think about what do I have to offer to the world right now that I can just offer up without wanting anything in return? And then what can I receive from the world right now and how do I find where those people or where those resources are? And obviously social platforms right now seem to be showing up in. In big ways.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think a bunch of my friends from university are still performing artists in the classical world. And everything that they. Everything that they had planned is now canceled. And I had a few friends reach out and basically say, like, my income for this year has either disappeared entirely or has been halved. And. And so, you know, they require. They work on gigs. Right. It's almost like people that work on commission. And so, you know, that's a very trying time. And you know, people are reaching out for help and support in that way I think is important. How are you staying grounded through all this? You mentioned feeling displaced and obviously, you know, brought you out here to Vancouver. You're in a different environment. You're having to sort of cope and adjust and change to like different routines and everything. You're not in your home and we don't know when we can go back home. Right. So, you know, we could be here for a couple weeks, we could be here for a couple months. Like, we just don't know. And so how are you staying grounded amidst, you know, some of the panic and chaos that is clearly sort of happening out in the world?

I am trying to keep routine as much as possible, and so still seeing, you know, my clients, and that feels directional and purposeful for me.

Can I. Can I just give you a shout out right now?

Yeah.

So the last two mornings, Vienna has gotten up at 5:30, 5:30 in the morning to maintain her sessions with her clients at 6:15. So she started having sessions both yesterday and this morning at 6:15. And I've just been so impressed with how you've been showing up for your clients and for the people that need you. And I think that for me is what maintains grounding and calm and peace when we can continue to show up for. For people and sort of not put our own needs aside. Because I don't think you've done that. I think that you've actually really leaned into what you need more so that you can show up for these people, so you can show up for your clients and the people that are, like, feeling really displaced and panicked and chaotic. And so I just wanted to acknowledge that because I think that that's actually very, very, very important is how we take care of ourselves is going to dictate how we take care of others during this time.

Thanks. Well, my win is that even though I'm starting earlier, I'm ending earlier.

Yeah, yeah.

My day ends a little bit earlier. But, you know, I've also been moving my body. As many people know, for me, movement and exercise is vital. So every day I'm jumping on digital classes and, you know, obviously being in Vancouver, you know, getting outside and just being in nature is really helpful and powerful. You know, just trying to keep the routine. And I am connecting with friends and facetiming with people. And, you know, my team in New York, the other therapists and the other people who work with me, you know, we've been. We jumped on our first group call yesterday, and that was really good and grounding just to check in with people and see how everyone's doing and how we continue to support each other and the practice during this time. And. And yeah, so those are some of the things.

Nice. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast with me and chatting about some of these things and helping people support themselves and support others during this trying time. We have a bunch of stuff coming up to help everyone. This morning I led some breath work for free. I think that will probably lead some meditations, and we might have a free class for people that are in relationships right now, whether you are stranded from your partner or you're stuck at home with your partner, both sort of present their own unique set of challenges. And so stay tuned because we're going to have something out fairly quickly to help you, and we'll have a little webinar that you can all jump on and be a part of, and we'll also have some lives and stuff like that. So feel free to reach out to us. Let us know what you need, let us know what your dealing with right now and how you need support. But make sure that you share this episode with anyone that's close to you so that they can get the support that they need and also reach out to help. So thank you so much and we'll talk to you next week. Bye.