Sara Kuburic outlines four pillars of existential analysis: safety, values and relationships, authenticity, and meaning. Anxiety and panic often stem from weakness in the first pillar, insufficient internal or external safety. The pillars are interconnected, and confronting who you are can itself trigger anxiety.
So I'll speak to existential analysis again, just because that's the specialty. But we have four pillars or four fundamental motivations. And the first fundamental motivation is like, I am here, so you exist, but can I exist? And that's like a really intense question. It's like, yes, you're physically here, but do you actually have the safety, the space protection to genuinely exist in this world? Because a lot of people are alive, but they're not existing. And I think that that's an important distinction. And then the second, and obviously this is years of theory in just that one pillar. But I will just give you the spark notes. Then the second one is like, I'm here, but do I like it? This is like values, relationships, connections. Do I like my life? This is an important question. The third one is can I be myself? That's the identity piece, the authenticity piece, the support piece. That's really interesting. And then the fourth one, I find that one interesting. But the four one is.
What is my meaning in life? Right. And so we look at ability to exist, the likeness of existing, the identity and then the meaning.
And are they sequential? Like, do you go through them in that fashion or are you exploring them sort of at the same time?
I wouldn't say that they're linear. I think it depends what a client comes in with. So we, we kind of have, you know.
Some shortcuts when it's like, if you come with this kind of problem, most likely this FM this pillar is weak. But chances of only one pillar being weak are very small. So oftentimes we're working with, with all four, but it just depends, like what you're coming in with is what we would focus on.
Say more about the first one, this notion of I'm here, but am I? Exactly. I think you said, am I existing? Like, am I existing in the way that I want, that I desire? I just love for you to unpack that because I think that that's something that I can see in a lot of people's lives as being very common.
Yeah. So I, for example, that would, if I went to a therapist after my panic attack, that's where I would be sitting.
That's like, I'm alive, but can I actually exist in the space that I have co created with the world? And the answer was absolutely not.
So I didn't have enough safety, not just in the world, but I didn't have enough inner safety, for example, to not feel anxious about the way that I was existing. And anxiety is a common symptom of this pillar being weak. And so I think it's realizing that you cannot self express, that you cannot grow, that you cannot connect, that you cannot have your basic needs met in the context that you're in. And so that's an interesting sort of realization to come to.
And what was the third one that you, that you found very interesting?
That I like. It's the authenticity. It's like, do I have permission to be myself? Is one of the questions. And that's an interesting question you're asking yourself and you're asking others of like the people around me, are they giving me permission to be myself and am I giving myself permission to actually be my authentic self? And that's an interesting dynamic to try to navigate. And authenticity, I think is so important for our mental health and our well being, whatever word we want to be using. So I love that that has its own pillar. And obviously as someone who studies the self and self loss, that's where I would find, you know, a lot of fun stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're, I think we're going to go down that path quite a bit, right. Like this notion, I think it's become very, it's a very modern question, right? Like how do I live authentically and how do I be myself? And Kierkegaard had this wonderful quote where he said anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
Yes.
Oh, it's, it's like, it's like whimsical, but also just brutal. You know, you're like savage. Because, because so many of us are like, we're seeking this freedom. I want freedom. I want freedom. I want freedom to be myself. I want freedom to live how I want to live. But there is this sort of dizzying quality that can show up within that expression of freedom. Because oftentimes.
To find our way there is to go through the sort of forest of not knowing, you know, of the unknown, of just like, well, shit, if I, like, if I get to express who I am, then the immediate question is, who am I? You know, and what do I want and what do I desire? And for a lot of people, I think that place, that psychological place is incredibly uncomfortable.
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