The Five Steps Men Must Take To Rebuild In Their 30's

All right, guys, welcome back to the Mantalk show. Connor Beaton here. Before we dive into today's topic, which is how to rebuild your life in your 30s, which I did after bottoming out and blowing up my life in my late 20s, I'm going to dive deep into this topic. But before I do, don't forget to subscribe to this channel and man it forward. Share this content with somebody that you know will enjoy it. It goes a long way to growing this channel and if you are like one of the many men who has shared the comment, I can't believe you only have X amount of subscribers. Subscribers help to spread the word. Quick story. My late 20s, I blew my life up. I imploded it. I had a great career, I had a motorcycle, I had a car that I liked. I had a relationship that I liked and I blew the whole damn thing up. I was unfaithful in a relationship that ended I questioning the career that I was going down. I didn't really feel like it was the life that I wanted to live. I was traveling a lot. I was a musician, you know, traveling around the world and it wasn't really the lifestyle that I wanted. And when everything fell apart, I came out the other side and I was like, man, how am I going to put my life back together? What I've learned is that your 30s are this incredible window where you can blow things up in a beautiful way, where you can scale things, where you can grow, where you have the kind of like last vestiges of unlimited energy. And when I say last vestiges, I say that jokingly. You know, there's a lot of guys that are like, oh, I hit 40 and all of a sudden I didn't have any energy. Or I hit 50, I didn't have any energy. You know, in your 30s, you still can stay up late and work. You can still, you know, produce a tremendous amount. I ended up working at App as a market leader and running my company on the side. And I was working, you know, 80, 90, 100 hour weeks for almost a year and a half and I was able to do that in my early 30s because I had a fire. And so here are some of the keys to rebuilding your life. Number one, make competency your aim. There is nothing more crippling for you as a man than not feeling capable in an area that you give a shit about. So find something that you genuinely like, something that you genuinely enjoy. It doesn't have to be some passion. You know, this isn't like, follow your passion Type of bullshit. But find something that you genuinely like and enjoy and then aim for being extremely competent. You know, when I realized that I really wanted to work with men, my mission then became, I'm going to spend the next 10 to 20 years, not one year, not a couple months. I'm going to spend the next 10 to 20 years studying with and working with these, the best mentors that I can find. So that when I do work with men individually, one on one, in groups, you know, at massive events, that I am extremely capable at what I do. And that leads to a depth of confidence that is usually felt. And it also, more importantly, leads to results. It actually leads to producing results within the people that I get to work with. And so competency is where we want to aim. A lot of men, they don't think about this. They don't look at, oh, I want to be more competent because it's kind of a pragmatic, you know, somewhat boring thing. They think that they need motivation, they think that they need a ton of inspiration to go do stuff, you know, but what's actually needed is can you find something that you want to start to laser in on and develop competency within over time. And the thing about competency is that it does take a long time. So start with competency. Number two, get in shape. No excuses. You know, what use is your body as a man if you've never tested it out physically? In my 30s, I really started to get into this, but it wasn't until I turned 39 where I was like, okay, I'm going to double down on this. And I have spent the last year and a half getting into and staying and maintaining the best shape of my life. And my energy has been better off because of it. My business, my family is better off because of it. And I just feel better about myself. It requires discipline, it requires a whole bunch of things. But testing yourself and getting in shape and then being able to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself is a noble endeavor that I believe every single man needs in order to rebuild his life. Now, maybe you've bottomed out and you have that piece in place. Good for you, a pillar there. But maybe you're in your 30s and you are about to rebuild your life or you're on the way down to bottoming out and things are falling apart. Focus on getting in shape. Focus on something that you can influence, which is getting yourself into the gym, getting into a workout. I love doing Muay Thai a couple times a week. Maybe for you it's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, whatever it is. But push your body physically because when you start to push your body physically as a man, you'll find what I found is more assert more directness and a capacity to. What's the saying? It's like it's better to be a warrior in the garden than a garden in a war. Right? It's like I know that I have the ability to protect my family should the case, you know, come to it, but I also just genuinely feel good and know that I'm doing the best thing that I can to be around longer for my family. Number three is money, finances. Learn how to save, learn how to invest and get yourself out of debt. Priority, priority, priority. Yes, of course there's good debt. Yes, of course there are times where you can put yourself into debt in a strategic way that can be beneficial and leverage and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But none of that fucking matters if you're carrying 40 or $50,000 of debt and it stresses the living shit out of you. It's very hard to create and build from a place of lack and a place of deep scarcity. And so to prioritize, getting out of debt is arguably one of the best things that I did. I had $20,000 worth of credit card, I had student loan debts, I had a line of credit, I had a lot of debt when I entered into my 30s and it didn't feel good. And it was something that weighed on me. I didn't know anything about money, didn't know anything about saving money, investing money, I didn't know how money worked, I didn't know any of those things. And I've probably spent, I don't know, I don't even know how to calculate. But hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours learning about how money works, learning how to save my money, learning how to invest my money properly, smartly, not in a gambling oriented way. And I've learned, learned that getting out of debt was one of the best things that I have ever done. I don't have a single cent of debt today and I haven't carried debt since. If at some point that changed and I decided to take on debt to leverage for, you know, something specifically with my business, that might be different. But learn to save, learn to invest. And obviously for some that's going to mean making more money now, for me that was a big step. I was barely making any money and I had to start to make more money. But where that all started was I started to put money into stocks ages and ages ago, I started to put money into Apple stocks. This is like back in, oh, I don't know, 2008, 2009 or 2010, I can't remember, but I was barely making any money. And so I could pretty much afford like one Apple share a month, you know, at that time. And then gradually it became more and more and more. And then when I worked at Apple, they had a great stock program that worked really, really well. And so find ways to learn about money, to save, to invest, and to get out of debt. Figure out if you are a number one, a number two, or a worker bee. All right, this is a Star Trek reference. I'm really going to be nerdy here. Figure out if you're Je Luc Picard, figure out if you're Commander Riker, or figure out if you're Data. Which person are you? It's super important. I once spoke at a conference, it was a conference about leadership, as a conference about entrepreneurship. And somebody said, do you think that anybody can be an entrepreneur? Because I've heard this story that anybody can be an entrepreneur. I said, absolutely not. I don't think that everybody is designed and built to be the number one, to be the CEO, to be the founder or the vision person. I think that some people are designed to be the number two. They're designed to be the Commander Riker, they're designed to be the Data. And if you haven't seen Star Trek, the Next Generation, I apologize for the reference. But for those of you that have good on you, you know what I'm talking about. So figuring out your orientation is incredibly important because so many Datas try and start a business and it fails and they wonder why. And it's because they don't have the orientation for the vision or they don't have the orientation for the, you know, building out the team or running the team. So you have to kind of discern, where do I fit on this? And so, for example, for me, I am a terrible Data, and I'm a terrible number two. I sometimes have a good vision, but I've had to learn not to try and step into these other roles and to hire really good people to do them for me. So I have an exceptional COO who helps me run my company, and because of that, I'm able to do what I do. I would probably be. Not nearly, actually. I can not even probably. I would definitely not be as successful as I am today without my Jean Luc Picard. I mean, my Commander Riker. I just going on with the reference. So Figure out the main point is really be honest with yourself. Are you the leader? Are you the one that's willing to be front facing, making the big decisions, taking the risks? I'm very risk prone, but I'm also very risk intelligent. And that has come out of decades of making terrible decisions. Leveraging risk in an unhealthy way really taught me how to discern what a good risk is and what a good risk is not. And so that's part of what makes me good at being the front facing, vision oriented person. Finally, number five, last and not least, if you want to rebuild your life in your 30s, take women off the pedestal. It doesn't mean don't be relational. Be relational, absolutely be relational. Build phenomenal relationships in your life. Build phenomenal relationships with other men, specifically, that are going to support everything else. I just listed that. Getting in shape, the helping you figure out whether you are, number one, number two, data the worker. Be where you fit within the ecosystem. They're going to help you get into shape. They're going to help you learn how to save and invest. They're going to help you, you know, learn that, you know, maybe that cryptocurrency that just popped up out of nowhere isn't going to make you a billionaire, right? And where to actually put your money. Hashtag BTC forever. All jokes aside, now I'm just having fun. I'm just being silly. But take women off of the pedestal. Your 30s is really your time to invest in you, in your vision for your life. Not that it's make or break time, but for some of you, it is going to be make or break time. My 30s, I can unequivocally say now that I am out of them, was the moment in my life where if I didn't double down and I didn't learn some of the lessons that I was struggling with and I didn't really figure my shit out. My 30s were going to make or break my life and I felt that pressure and I rode that pressure. I rode the wave of that in a way that really supported me in stepping into the man that I have now become today. Somebody who is successful, somebody who has a family. And that required me taking all of the energy that I was putting into women and all of the trying to get their attention and their validation and putting them on this pedestal and chasing after them, constantly taking them off the pedestal and seeing them as, you know, seeing something that can enhance my life when I choose it versus something that I need like a drug in order to feel better about myself. So take women off the pedestal and notice how much energy you have, how much life force you have to put towards the other categories. So with all that said, don't forget to man it forward. Drop in the comments below. If you're watching this on YouTube, what you would add, what are the keys to rebuilding in your 30s? And if you are rebuilding in your 30s, where are you at? How's it going? Let me know and I'd be happy to support. Till next week, Connor Beaton signing off.