The Key To Dating Wild Women

All right, man. Welcome to the Man Talk Show. I'm Connor Beaton, and today we're gonna be talking about the key to dating a wild woman. Now, I've been getting a lot of questions recently from both men and women. From women, it usually sounds something like, you know, men keep telling me that I'm intimidating. Men tell me that I'm wild. Men tell me I'm hard to handle. I seem to date men that I walk all over. How do I navigate this? And then from men, I get the question of, like, you know, I'm dating this woman. I really love her, but she's. She's wild. You know, she's int. She's chaotic sometimes, or she can be really overly direct or assertive or combative. What do I do? How do I navigate that? And so I got this question from Josh, who said, hi, Connor. I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years, and I really love her, but struggled to navigate the relationship. Sometimes she can be really intense, sometimes overly direct, extremely assertive, and says that she feels very masculine. She's acknowledged this, saying that she wants me to help her be more in her feminine. First off, what does that mean? And second, how do I help her? It can feel daunting sometimes because it feels like I am fighting a losing battle. Any advice would help. So there's a number of ways that we could approach this, right? We could talk about why a lot more women have adopted a more masculine orientation from protection to survive within the corporate realm, you know, entering into men's spaces, etc. But I think what is maybe more direct is to do two things. First, to talk about one key. Masculine. A part of masculine culture that is absolutely essential to understand what's happening in the relationship when you are dating a more sort of direct, assertive, wild, maybe masculine oriented woman, or just a woman that is maybe a little bit more chaotic in nature, which of course is never a bad thing. So we're gonna talk about that. And then secondly, I'm gonna share a few things that can support you in your relational dynamic. So the first thing that I wanna talk about is that within masculine culture, the way that men tend to organize themselves, the way that men tend to build relationships, organize themselves in groups is through competition. And competition plays an incredibly important role within masculine culture. It allows men to organ.

It allows men to understand where one another's strengths are and where one another's weaknesses are. And historically, if you look, whether we were hunting together or building communities or building businesses or playing sports together, it was Very effective and efficient for us to use competition as a method and a means of understanding where we could trust one another. So within masculine culture, competition plays that role. It plays the role of very quickly being able to help us define, where are your strengths? Where can I trust you if we're going to battle together, if we're playing a sport together, where do you have my back? Where can I rely on you? Where are you maybe going to outperform me? And where am I going to maybe outperform you? So what are my strengths? What are yours? And how do we collectively use those strengths effectively and efficiently so that we can win the battle, so that we can win the game, so that we can, you know, defeat the enemy, et cetera. And that has served us very, very, very well. Now for a lot of women, they have adapted or adopted some of these tactics, right? So they are very competitive in nature. And of course, you know, that's, that's not exclusively a masculine thing, right? It's not to exclusively say that only men are competitive. But more and more, as women have entered into the workforce and they've gone into corporate environments, and they've entered more specifically into male domina environments, what they've figured out is that in order for them to thrive and survive in those environments, they need to be hyper competitive. They need to play that same game. And so many of them have adopted a way of interacting with men that is competition based. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing. However, when it comes into a relationship, it can be quite challenging. So a lot of men will get into a relationship with a wild woman who tests them, right? Who pushes back, who calls them on their bullshit, who is assertive and, and speaks very clearly about what she wants. And that can be really engaging for a man. It can be like, exciting to have somebody that shows up in that way and that can embrace exactly what they want. It can also be challenging because it can move into this space where competition becomes the main form or the main pillar in the relationship, and it can have detrimental and negative side effects. So what starts to happen when people get into a relationship with a man and woman, because we're talking about a heterosexual relationship here, but when a man and woman get into a relationship and she's occupying that sort of very direct, assertive, masculine space, is that she will often start to test that man. She will start to compete with him intellectually, emotionally, sexually, physically, maybe financially, spiritually even. She will start to compete with him in all of these ways. Sometimes subtle, sometimes not subtle, sometimes very Direct ways, maybe trying to, you know, dominate him in a sport or out compete him in a certain way. And that. That can be fine, or you can have that there. The problem is, is that it can become the primary pillar of the relationship. And when that begins to happen, it begins to erode the. The conversation, erode the communication, erode the. Or the connection. Because what begins to happen is that those two people are prioritizing victory over intimacy. They're prioritizing victory over vulnerability. And when that happens, a man stops being able to sort of hold space in the relationship or have neutral conversations or stay grounded or unaffected. And because what ends up happening is he gets sucked in to this competitive argument, right? Who can win, who can be victorious, who can sort of be more litigious and out argue out intellectualize the other person. And so what ends up happening is he begins to lose what he feels as ground. He can feel lost in the conversation, in the arguments. He can become very agitated, and the couple can begin to devolve into more and more arguments. Less oftentimes, less sex, less intimacy, less physical connection. Because what's taken its place is vying for some form of position. And the key to this is that it allows the woman to stay in this invulnerable place. Because when you're competing with somebody, you are surely you're gaining an understanding of where their strengths and where their weaknesses are, but you're oftentimes not revealing your own perceived vulnerabilities, right? So for a lot of women, this competitive spirit that shows up in a relationship is a block for them to be vulnerable, to be open, to be understood by the men that they're dating. And this is what they're saying when they're saying, you know, men are telling me that I'm hard to handle, or men keep telling me that I'm intimidating. What they're really saying is, I don't feel like men can hold space enough to understand what it is that I'm saying and what I'm experiencing and what I want and what I feel, etc. And for a lot of men, they get caught in the combat. There's kind of this thrill that they start to engage in. So here's what we need to know about dating kind of wild, more independent, masculine women. The first thing is to end the competition entirely. This doesn't mean that you can't play board games or card games. I'm not saying take it to some, you know, ludicrous extreme, but begin to identify very strategically in your relationship where your Partner is trying to compete with you, Is she trying to be victorious in an argument? If so, you can, you know, back out of that argument. You can say, listen, I'm, I'm, I don't need to be right in this argument. I don't need to win this argument. It feels like you're trying to win this argument. Why is that? And you can set a boundary with that competition. So the first thing is to take stock. Notice all the ways in which your partner is trying to compete with you. Is she trying to compete with you physically, she's trying to compete with you emotionally? Is she trying to one up you in certain ways with what's been done around the house? Is she trying to prove to you constantly that she's outdoing you in some capacity and make it very clear that you're not interested in competing? You're not interested in vying for position of, you know, who's better than or who's done more, that will only lead to resentment. When a couple gets into this competitive habit, what you're going to see is that both parties will have pretty real expectations of the other person, and that competition will inevitably lead to one or both parties becoming very resentful towards the other for any number of reasons. So take stock of where she's trying to compete with you. End the competition. Find fun, playful ways. You know, create a lightness when you can tell that she's trying to compete with you around something like maybe she ran a couple more miles than you. Move into two things. One, use playfulness as a means of diffusing that competitive urge of her desire to sort of lock horns with you. So begin to learn how to tussle with that energy, that anger, that conflict, that assertiveness that she's bringing towards you in the relationship. Learn how to sort of dance or do judo with it. Right? Move that energy and not personalize it. The second thing is begin to appreciate the things that she's trying to compete with you about, because they are often a sign of where she's sort of saying, hey, I actually want to be appreciated for these things. So if she's trying to compete with you in an argument or a conflict, or if she's trying to compete with you around, you know, who's doing more around the house, Share some appreciation for what she's doing, because it's likely that behind that complaint is some form of unmet emotional need, is some form of unmet physical need, spiritual need, sexual need. Move out of the competition space and share some appreciation with her in those moments. The last piece is to not personalize oftentimes what's happening in these moments when she's trying to compete with you or, you know, there's maybe a little bit of chaos that's happening and she's bringing that. That chaos into the relationship. What she's doing is testing you in some way, testing you to see, are you safe for me to be vulnerable, are you safe for me to be open? Can you handle my emotions without you personalizing them and becoming reactive and getting angry or flying off the handle or, you know, calling me crazy or whatever the case may be? So there's a test that's happening in that moment where she's sort of saying, can you stay grounded in this moment where maybe I'm trying to piss you off, I'm trying to agitate you, I'm trying to poke you a little bit, because I want to see. I have something I want to share with you, and I want to know whether or not it's safe for me to do so. So that could be an opportunity for you to say, you don't need to argue with me. I want to understand what you're experiencing, or, you know, you don't need to compete with me to be heard or, you know, whatever it is. You know your partner better than I do, but find a way to communicate that she is safe, to express, to experience, to communicate with you whatever it is she is trying to relay. So that's the last piece because. And maybe arguably the most important, because remember, she's trying to compete with you because it keeps her safe. It keeps her out of the position of having to be vulnerable, of having to open up. And so for a lot of these women that are wild or maybe more masculine, or maybe very hyper assertive and direct, they're used to being in this position where what they're actually wanting is somebody to not become reactive because they're provoked, to not become sort of hostile or personalize it, because what it does is it keeps her in that space of not being heard, not being understood, not being seen. And so your work is to continue to create that bridge where you can say, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna get egged on. I'm not gonna fall in the competition with you. This isn't a competition. You know, I've got you. What do you need to say? What do you need to communicate? What are you experiencing right now? Or maybe it's, you let go of the language entirely and you stop talking about it and you can tell that when she's trying to compete with you or she's bringing some of that fire to you that what she actually needs is for you to just hold her and so you can wrap your arms around her, you can give her a hug, you can pull her in because maybe what she needs to feel is your strength, is your body, is your presence, right? Just your mere presence. Maybe she doesn't need you to say, you know, I can fix this for you. You know I can, I can out compete you in fixing this. She can fix it for herself. So allow yourself to also the last piece is use that physical presence, right? So pull her in close, let her feel that you're grounded, breathe with her, her and stay connected. And that presence can be one of the most powerful components to moving out of this competition based relationship and to allow her to move out of maybe this masculine space that she's had to occupy to keep her safe and that have that, that's kept her from feeling really intimate, really connected, really seen in a relationship. So thanks so much for tuning in today. If you enjoyed this episode, comment on it wherever you're watching it. Let me know what questions you have, what thoughts you would add if you disagree with something and what topic you would like me to explore next week. So until next time, this is Connor Beaton signing off.