The Key To Quitting Porn And Weed Is...

Foreign.

So if you clicked on this video and you're watching this, you are probably wanting to quit porn or at least reduce the amount that you're using. And this is a big issue for a lot of men. It's probably going to get worse. With the rise of AI and chatbots and AI generated porn, it's probably only going to get worse. But there's one thing that I have found that most people don't talk about or take into consideration when it comes to quitting porn. And you can use what I'm about to share with you in any type of addictive behavioral pattern that you're wanting to shift, right? Maybe you want to stop smoking weed, which most people say is not an addictive drug, but you can sure as hell create a dependency on weed. Maybe you drink too much booze. Whatever it is, there is a way for you to quickly and effectively shift that addictive behavior. And I want to start by sharing this quote by Johann Hari. He said, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And this is. I want you to just keep this in the back of your head, because the real hack, if we can call it a hack, I don't like the word hack. I think that's used too often. But the real work of shifting your addictive behavior is in altering the pattern of altering your state. Okay? This is the. The epicenter at the. At the very core of changing your porn usage, how much weed you smoke. It is about altering the pattern of altering your state. Because for most men, when they're going to smoke weed, when they go and, you know, want to watch porn, they are doing so because they're looking for something to alter their state. I don't like what I'm feeling. I want to feel something different. I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed out. I feel like crap. My girlfriend and I had a fight, and I'm, you know, I'm horny and I can't be with all the anger and frustration of what's happening in the relationship. And so I need to go jerk off and feel better. 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And so for many of you this that are trying to stop watching porn, smoke less weed, drink less. The question isn't why? Why do I do this behavior, right? Why, why do I keep watching this porn? Blah blah, blah, blah. That's not really as important as what am I trying to avoid. What state am I experiencing before I go to watch it that I am trying to alter? Write the question down, start to journal on that question, dive into it. Because the reality is that you use substances, external substances like weed and booze and even pornography or sexting women or whatever it is you use those substances to alter an internal state, right? Every guy knows you feel like crap, you're stressed out, you're overwhelmed. At the end of the day, you open up your favorite porn site, you get off, jerk off you feel better, even if it's just for a little period of time before the overwhelm and the to do list or the anxiety or the depression starts to creep back in, you feel better, you alter the state. And what happens over time is that you create a pattern where anytime that you feel that state, overwhelmed, anxious, angry, frustrated, disconnected, lonely, bored, whatever that state is internally, anytime you feel that state, your brain, which is a very incredible machine, will say, ah, I know the solution to this state. I know what to do when I feel this way. Go open up the porn tab, right? Go light up the joint, go smoke the bowl, whatever it is, right? And so what you have to start to get very clear on if you are wanting to shift away from, and we're talking mostly about porn in this video, but again, applies in any addictive behavior. What you have to get very clear on is what state am I trying to alter? What state am I already experiencing that I'm trying to get away from? And once you realize that, once you have that very ingrained, oh, I'm, I'm trying to, I'm usually trying to get away from this sense of loneliness. I'm usually trying to numb out or state change this boredom that I feel or this overwhelm or this stress that I'm feeling, once you start to get very clear on that, then you can work on it. But if you don't know the internal state that you are trying to shift, then all of the rest of the steps that most people recommend are going to be largely useless because you won't understand the, the trigger points that are happening internally, the thing that's setting off the whole cascade of events that will unfold afterwards. So what state are you trying to alter? And then to come back to the Johann Hari quote, we have to move to a state of connection. Now, that connection doesn't always have to be with other people. Yes, it can be very helpful to know, reach out to a buddy. Yes, it can be helpful to, you know, go for a walk with your girlfriend or your wife or have a conversation or whatever it is. It can be very helpful to connect with other people in your life because the reality is that connection and relationship are the, the balm or the salve or the antidote for so many addictive behavior behaviors. It's in the solitude of those moments where people really struggle. Now, you could also be connecting to maybe not other people, but a higher version of yourself, the, the version of yourself that you are trying to step into. And you can use connective things like behaviors that reinforce who it is that you are connecting to, who it is that you are wanting to be. So what I mean by that, Instead of using PoR to state change, I feel bored, I feel lonely, I feel anxious, I feel stressed. You can use breath work to state change what you feel internally. You can use meditation to state change what you feel internally. You can use journaling, you can connect to going to the gym. There's a number of different things that you can deploy in order to create that state change. But at the base of it, what's happening internally when you want to use porn and cannot quit is that you have created a pattern of altering your internal state by deploying this external mechanism. And when you start to shift the mechanism of altering the state by learning how to downregulate your nervous system, AKA how to soothe yourself when you feel stressed or overwhelmed or anxious, the, the urge or the desire to want to go and watch the porn is going to reduce substantially. Now, the key is that this takes time. And part of the, part of the key that is so important is identifying what those states are that you are trying to alter. Now, if you are like me, I had, I had like a dozen states that I didn't like. I didn't like feeling anxious, I didn't like feeling bored, I didn't like feeling lonely. Uh, I didn't like feeling overwhelmed or stressed. And so any of those states would trigger the deployment of this pattern, this behavior of wanting to go watch porn or smoke weed or have a drink. And so I had to work tirelessly of anytime I felt those states. And then I felt the subsequent urge to go and, you know, use one of these numbing out mechanisms of porn or whatever. Then I would have a list of things I could go do. Okay, I'm gonna go meditate right now for 10 minutes. Okay. I still feel the urge to go and state change. I'm gonna do some intense breath work. All right, there we go. Great. Oh, you know what? I, you know, I. That didn't work either. I'm gonna go move my body, I'm gonna go for a run, I'm gonna go work out. I'm gonna do some burpees. All right, there we go. There it is. I like got the state change that I needed, or I'm gonna call a buddy and go for a walk, you know, down by the beach or in the forest. I'm gonna get some time in nature. All of those things are going to do the same or similar thing that porn and weed and booze do, which is that they are going to alter your internal state. However, they are going to alter your internal state in a different way. They're going to alter your internal state in a way that is congruent with who you likely want to be, and they're going to alter your internal state with connection to other people, to your values, to your morals and your ethics. Whereas using and deploying some of those other tactics are disconnecting you from other people, from your values, from your morals, from who you say you want to be. So use this tool. Write down. Write down today. Don't wait till next week. Ask yourself, what state am I trying to avoid? What state am I trying to alter by deploying things like pornography? And then secondly, what tools can I use instead? What can I deploy instead to alter my state in a way that aligns with who I am, who I want to be, that aligns with my values? Comment below hopefully this helps you man it for share this with somebody that you know needs to hear it, that you know will support them. But man it forward and comment below in the comment section. If you're watching me on YouTube otherwise, don't forget to subscribe wherever you are. Whether you are on Spotify tuning into this, Whether you are on YouTube tuning into this, subscribe and I'll see you next week.