Connor Beaton argues that instead of focusing solely on why someone engages in addictive behaviors (e.g., porn, cannabis, alcohol), it's more important to identify what they are trying to avoid — feelings like loneliness, boredom, or stress — and to shift toward connection (with others or other meaningful activities) as the remedy.
Many of you that are trying to stop watching porn, smoke less weed, drink less. The question isn't why do I do this behavior? Why do I keep watching this porn? That's not really as important as what am I trying to avoid. What you have to start to get very clear on if you are wanting to shift away from this sense of loneliness. I'm usually trying to numb out or state change this boredom or this stress that I'm feeling. We have to move to a state of connection. That connection doesn't always have to be with other people. Yes, it can be very helpful to reach out to a buddy, go for a walk with your girlfriend or your wife or have a conversation or whatever it is. It can be very helpful to connect with other people in your life because the reality is that connection and relationship are the balm or the salve or the antidote for so many addictive behaviors.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
