The ONE Question Every Man Needs To Answer (And Women Should Ask)

What is the one question that you should be able to answer that you should be prepared to talk about with women in your life? The women that you want to date, the woman that you are maybe with, maybe even the woman that you've been married to for a long time. It's a very simple question. And the question is, what is the direction that you are going as a man? What is the direction? What's your vision? You should be able to take that vision and. And plot it out in front of her, whether it's on a date, whether you've been dating for a few months, or whether you've been together for two decades. Right. The reality is that I think we as men often underestimate how potent, how powerful, how attractive a man with direction actually is to a woman. And there's a number of reasons for this that I've probably touched on in videos in the past. But the main one that I want to get across is that you create a draw as a man when you have direction, when you have worked hard. Because the truth is that not every man has direction. Not every man is or even looks like he's going somewhere or is going to go somewhere. Not every man looks like he has a plan or has any type of understanding of what he wants to do with himself, with his life. And so if you're a man who does the work, who puts in the effort day in and day out for a few months or maybe even a few years to define and start to refine, here's where I want to go, here's the type of family I want to build, or here's the business I want to create, or here's the lifestyle that I want to live. That vision is not only attractive to a woman because it tells her where you're going, but that vision gives her a sense of who you see yourself as, as who you see yourself as a man, the type of ambition that you have, the type of drive that you have for yourself, and all of that creates the magnetism, the polarity that women are drawn to and for you. Now, I'm just going to put the big caveat in. We don't need to do this for women. The intention should never be, I'm going to try and create a direction for my life and in my life so that I can attract women. The reason why we do this, right, I'm talking about women being attracted to this as a byproduct of your natural efforts to create direction. The reason why we do this as men, to bring it back to you to bring it back to yourself is that this gives you a sense of purpose and meaning in life. If you don't have a direction, if you don't understand what you're trying to do with your body, what you're trying to do in your business or your vocation or your career, if you don't understand the type of lifestyle that you're trying to build or create, the things that you're trying to influence and impact maybe out in your community or your society, if you don't have a direction in those areas of your life, it is impossible to feel and know that you have a deep sense of purpose. And for men, when we have a direction, there's a sense of freedom in that. It's not about becoming outcome obsessed, you know, needing to fixate on a goal, whatever that goal is, right? Losing the 5 pounds or gaining the 10 pounds a month muscle mass or, you know, having X amount of dollars in the bank. It's about where you are going. It's the thrill of having a sense that there's momentum, that you have momentum moving towards something in your life. And this is just undeniably attractive to women. Women are drawn to men that are going somewhere full stop. It's just the way that it works. And for a lot of men, I think we know that, you know, I think we can kind of feel that. And what I have found for myself in my life, to speak personally, is that the times that I didn't have a sense of direction were often the same times that I felt out of control, that I felt a sense of hopelessness, that I wasn't disciplined, that I wasn't executing on the things that I know I needed to do in order to take care of my mind and my body and my finances. And so when we start to create a direction in our life, when we start to have a vision either for our vocation, for our business, for our bodies, for our lifestyle, right? Where we want to travel, the type of things that we want to build. If we don't have those things, there's a certain type of deadening that happens within us as men, and there's a certain type of aliveness that, that starts to emerge within your masculine field, core energy, et cetera. But there's a certain type of aliveness that starts to emerge within you as a man when you start to look at where am I going in my life and what can happen for you and for us sometimes is that when we can see that our life is off track, right? Our body's off track. Our eating's off track, our finances are off track. The relationship is struggling. You know, the career, it's not something that you want to be doing or you're struggling in it. That can become what we focus on as our direction. And we can start to fixate on all the shit that's not working well. And so what we start to look at is, oh, my life's not going in the direction that I want it to. And that can become consuming. So a lot of men can start to really get stuck looking at almost entirely what's not working well in their life versus starting to shift a lot of their focus and their attention and their energy on what to I want to build, what do I want to create, who do I want to become? What's the direction that I'm going? What's the vision that I have for myself and my life and my lifestyle and the artistry that I want to create and the business that I want to create and all those different types of pieces. And when we start to do that, it sends a signal, sort of transmits a signal out to the people around us and specifically to women that says, here's where I'm going. And then a woman has a sense of where she might fit into your life, and not only does she have a sense of where she might fit into your life, but it's attractive. There's a draw of like, oh, you're going somewhere. And then she gets to determine, do I want to go with you? Does that journey that you're on excite me? Does that journey that you're on bring me a sense of joy? Does that match up with the sort of the idea that I've had for myself in my life and the things that I want to do and create? For example, one of the things that when my wife and I started talking about having kids, one of the things that I said is, hey, at some point, you know, when they're old enough, when they're of age that they can actually remember and, you know, they're. They're going to have the experience of it. Not just we're dragging them along, but when they're old enough, I want to travel the world for at least a minimum of three months, preferably six to 12 months. And that might mean taking them out of school, and that might mean, you know, us educating them on ourselves. But this is something that is absolutely important to me, and this is a vision for how I want us to live our life. That where I'm going in my career and in the business that I'm building is I'm going to a place where I will have the freedom and the flexibility to take my kids and go travel for, you know, for a number of months and to go see the world. And that. That's important. And so that's just an example of the direction, and that's far off in the future, right? I'm not talking about something next year that's like four, five, seven years from now. But having that type of vision, when you speak it, you have to start to live it, right? And so when you talk about your vision, when you talk about your direction as a man, whatever element or aspect of your life that you're talking about the direction in, you are essentially telling a woman more about who you are and who you see yourself as, and more specifically, who you want to become. And then she will get to decide, is that, are you really who I want to choose to go along this journey with? Right. And she'll probably tell you about, you know, what she wants to do and all those types of pieces. But what this does is it creates momentum. And women like men who have momentum, women like men that have momentum, it's attractive. It speaks volumes about who you are. And so one of the things that I would encourage you to do, and one of the things that I started to do was, number one, to write down the direction that I was going in my life. So I did this exercise years ago, probably about a decade ago, where I sat down, I got out of pen and paper, and I wrote down, what direction was my life going? Now, admittedly, at that point in time in my life, there wasn't a lot of things that were going in the direction that I wanted them to go. Right? My career was not going the direction that I wanted. My love life was not going that direction. My body was not necessarily going that direction. There were some pieces. It wasn't all like, you know, it wasn't all terrible and all doom and gloom, but admittedly, there wasn't a lot that was going the direction that I wanted to. And slowly I started to refine and ask the question, what direction do I want to go in with my body, with my finances, in my vocation, in my career, what direction do I want to move? And for me, a part of that direction is always depth oriented. It's always about growing deeper into myself, following my curiosities, following my sense of passion, following the things that actually bring aliveness into me, the things that I want to talk about. You've probably noticed this, this if you have tuned into my podcast for more than a few months or even a few years, is that this type of stuff that I talk about changes over time. The way I talk about things changes over time. And that's because in many ways, the direction that I'm moving is deeper into certain curiosities, deeper into certain frameworks like shadow work. I'm going deeper into understanding that concept, how it shows up in my life, how it shows up in the people that I work with, and going deeper into that not just as a concept, but as a way of being right. And so depth is a direction for me. I like the notion of working towards wisdom, knowing that maybe I'll never fully embody or, you know, represent.

Depth of wisdom in the way that some people do, but working towards that as a direction, working towards the experiences, the conversations, the things that I need to face that bring me deeper into who I am as a man, deeper into my curiosities, deeper into the things that bring me alive and light me up and get me curious and make me excited and, you know, sort of make me hungry and spark that zest for life. Because when we don't do that, when we don't follow that, for me at least when I don't follow, follow that, things start to become bland and I can get away with mediocre behavior. I can get. I can let myself off the hook with, you know, not sort of tackling things in the way that I ultimately want to, and I allow myself to sit back and settle. And so for me, depth is a huge part of my direction in everything I do, whether it's a program that I produce, whether it's a book that I write, whether it's a conversation that I have with my wife. I. Depth is a huge part of the direction. And I remember when we met, she specifically said, one of the things that I love about you is how deeply you go into things. You know, if you're interested in. There's a running joke with all my friends that I'm very interested and fascinated by the concept of time. And.

I've made the declaration that one day I'll write a book about time in some way, shape or form. And everybody kind of jokes about it, but that's, again, a sense of direction. This is what I'm going to do. This is the direction that I'm moving. These are the things that I'm. That I'm going to produce or accomplish or build or create. When we put voice to that intention, it sends out a signal to people that tells us where we're going to go and when we match our intentions, when we match our declarations, this is where I'm going to go with doing that, with putting the effort and the energy and attention to moving in that direction. It creates a deep, deep quality of trust. So one of the things just to tie this all up in a bow, the question that every woman should ask a man that they are interested in, that they are dating, that they are with, is what direction are you wanting to go? In your career, in your health, in our sex life, in our relationship? What direction are you going? Where are you going? And what every man should spend time chewing on and trying to figure out and grappling with is, where am I going? And if I'm not going the direction that I ultimately want to go, then what needs to change in order for me to shift and move in a different direction? And what might that direction be? And sometimes the very simple act of starting to define where it is that we ultimately want to be moving helps us to replace the spiraling and the obsessive focus on the, you know, how things aren't going the way that we want. So I hope that you found some value in this comment below. If you're watching this on YouTube or hit me up on Instagram mantalks, share your thoughts and don't forget to man it forward. Share this episode with somebody that maybe needs to hear it and have a conversation with them. So until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.