The One Thing Every Man Should Look For In A Woman

Recently I had a great question from a few men on Instagram and a few of the guys in the Man Talks alliance. And they were asking me about the one thing that every man should look for in a woman, specifically within a partnership. And if you, if you have listened to me at all on the podcast or watch my videos before, you probably know that I'm, I'm not really about like that one silver bullet, but I try and distill it down here for you. Today I gave this question some thought like, what's the one thing that every man should look for in a woman? And I think I found what I believe to be one of the most important things based on my own marriage, my own failed relationships in the past, based on all the work and the research and the studies that I've done, based on the relationships that I see and the men in my life who have high caliber, high quality relationships and high caliber women that are in their lives and based on the relationships that I've that of the men that I've worked with over the years that have built incredible relationships. And you know, at first I thought about, well, you could look at the way in which you respect one another because for a man, respect is imperative, right? If you are dating a woman and you don't respect the way that she interacts with her family, or you don't respect the way that she treats herself mentally, emotionally or physically, or you don't respect the way that she interacts with her friends, you're going to have a hard time committing to that relationship. You're going to have a hard time because you don't respect her in some fundamental way that you know is absolutely imperative. And the same thing is true for you, right? Does she treat you with respect? Does she respect the path that you're on, the priorities that you have in your life? Does she respect the way that you interact with your friends and with your family? And does she respect the way that you treat yourself? So all of those things are important. You can look at all of those things and you'll find valid information. However, what I think is arguably the most important thing that a man should look for in a woman is to be able to answer the question, is she on the side of who you could be as a man versus the man that you are right now? Is she on the team? Is she committed to your betterment as a man? And any of the relationships that I've seen or been in where, where the partner is supportive of the man's betterment in some way Right. The vision that you have for yourself as a man. So you just think about who do you want to be in a couple years? Who's the man that you feel within yourself that you know you are capable of becoming, of growing into, of evolving into as a father, as a leader, as a. In your career, professionally, as a owner, maybe physically, emotionally, intellectually, sexually? Who is that version of you that you are striving towards as you shed the layers of your past, as you shed the baggage of what doesn't work for you anymore? Is that woman that you are with, who you are dating, does she support and is she on that man's side, or is she trying to change you into the version of the man that she wants you to be? Now, this is a big distinction. There's a demarcation line, big line in the sand between those two things. Is she on the side of the man that you say that you want to become, or is she on the side of trying to change you into the man that she ultimately wants? And the distinction is usually something that you can viscerally feel, right? Right where she's trying to make changes or alterations to your behavior, the way that you talk, the way that you interact, what you do in your life, who you spend time with. And she's doing that not in a way that aligns with what sort of aims or structure or goals that you've set for yourself in your life, not in a way that aligns with the man that you are, are wanting to become, that you're working towards bettering yourself to becoming, but in a completely different path. And you can feel that, right? You can feel that I actually have no interest in being that man that you're talking about. I actually don't value what you're talking about. I actually don't value the changes that you're trying to get me to make. And this is very common, right? You've probably been in a relationship where you felt that, right? Where a woman's trying to get you to dress a certain way, or she's trying to get you to like certain books or certain movies or certain activities, and you just have no interest in it, like zero. And you know in your core, in your heart, in your mind, in your body, that you'll just never have an interest in that, that you just fundamentally don't want to engage in that path. And if she's relentless about that, then she's trying to change you for her. She's not trying to assist you, she's not on your side in helping you become more of who you know you could be as a man. Whether you're trying to develop yourself or better yourself as a father, as a husband, as a business leader, financially, physically, whatever area it is that you are trying to better yourself in.

She will be supporting you in that space. Now this is incredibly important because this doesn't mean that she's, that she has to do that, supporting that, challenging, the being on the side of the man that you could be.

In a soft way, right? This might mean that she's confrontational. This might mean that she pushes you. This might mean that she challenges you every once in a while. This might mean that she catches you on the in between moments where you're still acting like the man that you are now and she's calling you forward into the man that you could be. And so you also have to be very aware of choosing a woman that you can go through conflict with, that you can hear that challenge, that calling you forward, not calling you out necessarily, because that's a very different energy, right? That's very ego based. That's more about her than it is about you. But being able to say, hey, you know what? You've told me that you want to get better at this and yet I see you not doing anything about it. Or you've said that this is the type of man or this type of boyfriend, this is the type of husband, this type of father that you want to be. And you're not following through on that right now, what's happening? So there's going to naturally be some kind of confrontation that comes along with this. So you also need to find a woman that you're willing to receive feedback from, right? That you're willing to hear the hard parts of how you're not showing up as a man. And if you're really building your life and structuring your life around betterment, around the act of bettering yourself as a man. Not growth, right? Because growth can be something that we obsess about. But bettering yourself as a man incrementally developing discipline, developing rigorous routine and attention to detail, developing the drive and the determination to learn how to more effectively provide for yourself intellectually, financially, emotionally, et cetera, and for the people around you, that means that every once in a while she's going to have to confront you and point out where you might not be living up to your side of the bargain, where you might not be leaning fully in to that, that betterment. And that's good, right? That's okay. You want that so this is why I've always maintained in some way that you want to find a woman that you can dance through conflict with, that you are okay in engaging with conflict with, even if you're conflict avoidant, right? Even if you hate conflict or you've been told that the best thing that a man can do is find a woman who's non confrontational. There's a lot of spheres out there that say that kind of stuff, that the highest value woman is a submissive one. So maybe you've come from that background, right? I don't know, maybe you grew up in a very, a very sort of staunch religious environment that, that has espoused that kind of narrative. And, and so anytime that you get in a relationship with a woman and she's confrontational, what you hear is, this isn't the right relationship for you. Right? What you feel is, I need to get myself out of this. And yet you find yourself stuck because you crave that kind of partnership where someone can not only see the man that you are right now, but they can see the vision of what you hold for yourself as a man in the future, who you could become. So I would argue that that is one of the most important things for a man to look for in a woman. Does she understand and does she support who you want to become as a man, who you could be as a man? And arguably one of the most important questions to ask the women that you are dating when it starts to get serious is, who do you think I could become as a man, as a husband, as a father? I remember asking my wife this question and we were traveling and, you know, I said, who do you think I could become as a man? And I just sat back and listened and she laid out this version of me that I was blown away by. Like, I was like, oh, actually that is pretty much in alignment with what I have been working diligently towards. And some of it was accentuated and some of it was even bigger and some of it was right on point with what I had aligned for myself. But this requires that you as a man, get a clear picture of who you want to become, of who you could be as a man, unrestricted, if you aimed toward betterment. And in that way, you find a partner, you find a person who is willing to fly with you, who's willing to ride with you on that journey, all of its ups and downs, who's willing to hold you accountable when you fall off the wagon, who's willing to support you when you have fallen, and who's willing to help you back up and who's willing to push you and test you and challenge you every once in a while in a generative, healthy way. So comment on this. Don't forget to rate and subscribe and tag somebody that you know would enjoy listening to this. And don't forget to share this episode with someone again that you know could use the listen. So until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.