Connor Beaton argues that sexual discipline in men—particularly within monogamous relationships—creates safety and security for women by concentrating a man's attention on his partner rather than dispersing it among others. He links a man’s optionality and high status to increased attraction, noting that choosing one woman despite optionality both reassures her and builds attraction.
For a lot of women, a man who is sexually undisciplined is very unsafe, especially if you're in a monogamous relationship. She's not going to know if you are out sleeping with somebody else, and it might create a certain amount of tension that causes her to feel anxious. If you are an attractive man in any way, shape or form, physically, intellectually, emotionally, sexually, etc. Women want to feel safe with you, and they want to know that you, as the attractive man, are giving them the attention and that that your attention isn't going out and being dispersed out amongst a whole bunch of other women. And it feels very good for women to be with a man who has high status or is a high value man. But if you're a great man who clearly has optionality and you're choosing to give your attention to that woman, then that creates a certain level of safety and security. But it also builds attraction.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
