The Question I'd Ask On a Date If I Was Single

So today I'm going to share the one question that I would ask if I was dating in today's culture and society. So I recently got asked from one of the men that was in the Man Talks Alliance. He messaged me. That's a membership program that we have with over 500 guys from around the world. This guy is in his late 20s. I'm single. I just got out of a relationship that was about two and a half years long. And I'm curious if you were single, because I'm not. I'm married. I have a child. What question would you ask in today's dating age? And I really thought about this for a while, and I'm going to tell you the question straight out the gates, and I'm going to explain the question. Okay? So the question that I would ask, probably in the second date, maybe have the first one and just let it be easy and relaxed. Maybe on the first date, just depending on how it's going, but probably on the second date, maybe the third, especially if I wanted to invest any time, any attention in that woman, I would ask the question, what is your thought on men and masculinity? What do you believe about men and masculinity? What's your take on it? Very quickly, by asking that question, you'll get a sense of where that woman stands on men and her perspective on masculinity. Now, the reason why I would ask this question is pretty straightforward, but a little complex. So I'll give you the straightforward version. In our modern culture, it is very, very, very common for this notion to be pushed that women don't need men. In fact, people have even tried to put out research and data promoting this ideology that women's lives are better without men, which the data has, for the most part, been either inconclusive or has shown that maybe women are reporting that they are marginally happier, like slightly happier. And. And that's specifically women without a marriage. Women that are not married and without kids. And you hear a lot of women espousing this notion, right? Oh, my life's so great without a man. Oh, I don't need a man. Oh, I can do, you know, do. Do bad on my own. I can be, you know, have a great life on my own. I don't need a man. I earn good money. I can travel. You know, all I really need a man for is, is sex. Yada, yada, yada. And some of the research that's come out has shown that men actually are happier in relationship, specifically in marriage, than they are single or than they are on their own. And we could go into that data and into that research and we could talk about how accurate it is and the data sample and yada, yada, yada. But I think the more important piece of why I would ask this question, why on a second date or a third date, I would say, what do you think about men and what do you think about masculinity? Is because in our culture, there's a huge push to degrade and disrespect the masculine. And you see this in places like the apa, the American Psychological association, putting out guidelines for therapists and. And counselors and psychologists where they specifically and directly state that masculinity is harmful, that it's dangerous to men, to women, to culture, to society. There's a. A big push that is telling women to be, oddly enough, more masculine in nature, but to degrade masculinity, specifically men that are more masculine, to see that as hostile or the quote, unquote problem. And so I would ask that question because very quickly you're going to get a sense of where that woman stands, right? There's this saying in feminism, in certain circles of feminism, I think it might be third wave feminism that says that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Now, that saying to me is absurd and ridiculous because we as human beings are relational beings. We are relational beings. We need relationships, healthy relationships to family, to friends, and specifically to intimate partners. And we all know this, right? It's not a secret. It's not something that's hidden. It's not something that's like, oh, my God, I never knew that. No, we all know that what the majority of human beings are craving is a depth of intimacy and closeness with another human being. Now, a lot of men do get that from their intimate relationships. And I think for women, it's much more common for women to get depth of intimacy from their friendships. And again, I think culturally, we. We know that, right? That's true for a lot of people. But this idea that women don't need men is false and I think largely damaging. And this notion that masculinity is toxic or damaging or harmful or unhealthy is largely damaging to culture, to relationships, to how we interact with people. And so I would ask that question because I think very quickly I would get a sense of, does this woman even like men? You know, does she like men? Or does she see men as useless? Does she see men as toxic? Does she see masculinity as irrelevant? You know, Is she going to tell me that she doesn't need a man in her life? Which very quickly and very clearly is going to be a red flag for me to peace out, right? I would be out of there. I would not put up with that in my relationship. Because imagine if the tables were turned, right? Imagine that I'm on a date with a woman and the woman says, what do you think about women and femininity? And I was like, I don't need a woman in my life and femininity is toxic and it's harmful and all it does is get in the way of me living my best life as a man. Why in the absolute hell would any woman want to date a man like that? And there are men like that, right? Just to be clear, there are men who disrespect and degrade and. Yeah, and just disrespect women and the feminine in general. But why would you want to date him? You wouldn't, right? No, women would would put up with that. But there's this notion that you as a man should be okay with being in relationship with a woman who doesn't like men, who doesn't like masculinity, who sees it as toxic and dangerous and unhealthy and doesn't have value and isn't going to contribute anything to her life. And so for me, one of the most important things that I would want to filter for straight out the gates is, is as a woman, what is your relationship to men? I'm okay if you've been hurt by men. I'm okay if you haven't had the greatest past relationships to men. I'm okay if you know, you had challenging relationship to your father, you didn't know him or I'm okay with all of those things. I don't have a problem with any of that. But if you sit across from me and you tell me that women don't need men in their lives, then I immediately going to wonder why the hell are you sitting across from me? Why are you on a date with me? Why are you wanting to entertain the idea of being in relationship with me? That seems wildly suspect and contradictory to then what you're saying. So I want to have an understanding of where that woman stands because I am a man. And the truth is that the majority of relationships still are heterosexual. They're between men and women. And so there are many men walking around and many women walking around that disrespect, degrade and dislike the opposing sex because they've been hurt by them, because They've had negative interactions or experiences with them. But more specifically, and this is the real kicker, because society has told them that the opposing sex is bad or wrong or dangerous or toxic or harmful. You know, fill in the blank, fill in the descriptor. So your work as a man, as a single man, within the. Within. Within the dating culture is to get a sense, first off, to get your own shit clear, right? To make sure that you're not walking around with this notion of like, ah, women are just, you know, they're toxic, they're unhealthy. I don't see the value of having a woman in my life. Women are just gold diggers and they just want my money. You need to check your own stories and your own perspectives about women because. Because if you've been on the Internet for any length of time, you've probably garnered some unhealthy, unhelpful. And I think that's the real word, unhelpful stories and narratives about the opposing sex or the opposing gender, for sure, because it's just out there. Because not only is there this. This sort of internal political civil war that's happening within our culture, but that what coincides with that political war is this insidious gender war that men and women should be against each other. And this divisiveness that men and women shouldn't respect one another and respect one another's qualities and traits and attributes. And what makes us uniquely men and women and what makes us uniquely masculine and feminine is obnoxious, and it's ridiculous. And this notion that we should just eradicate gender altogether is, in my opinion, it's not workable and it's not going to help people have better relationships at all. Because then there's no structure. There's no real idea of how you get to operate. It's like it's just freebasing, right? It's just complete chaos incarnate. And so I think the best course of action is to return to a place. Maybe not return when I say that's. That's probably the way of putting it, because that sounds. That sounds very conservative of me, right? Return to the old ways. No, no, no. I don't want to return to the old ways of how things have operated. I'm not interested in that. I want to return to respect. I want to return to admiration and appreciation of women, of the feminine, of men, of the masculine. And so you kind of have to fight this narrative within the dating world today that says men are this way. Masculinity is this way, when they are this way, femininity is that way. And here's what you need to buy into, right? You are only a good woman and a good feminist. If you continue to espouse this notion that you don't need a man, it's garbage, it's bullshit. And I think for the majority of women, it's very damaging for their relationships because they enter into relationships with a chip on a shoulder or a foundational belief that men are that. That the men that they want to date, they don't need them and they don't want them and they don't need them around. And that thought process becomes very pervasive with how they then interact with those men. And those men can feel it, right? So if you're in relationship with me and you keep telling me you don't need a man, you don't need me, you don't respect masculinity, you think that me being a man and me being masculine is dangerous, is harmful, is toxic, then I'm going to be less inclined to want to be around you because I will feel devalued and disrespected. I will feel like who I am as a human being is being eroded away, right? That you don't see my value and my place in the world. And that the. The ironic part of this whole sort of very quote, unquote, progressive movement for inclusory thinking, right, to be inclusive, is that it comes all the way around to ostracizing and disrespecting certain aspects of who we are as human beings. So that's the question that I would ask. That's why I would ask that question, because you'll get a very clear sense where that woman stands. You, as a man, need to do your own work, and I hope that I've made that very clear. You need to do your own work, to challenge your own stories and your own narratives about women and about femininity, about maybe even about feminism. So it's not like this hostile enemy. I'm not saying that you need to accept femininity. I'm not saying that you need to like it, feminism, that is, or any of those things. But you do need to challenge your stories about women and about femininity, right? About what it means to be feminine. Because if you see women and being feminine as weak, as deplorable, as something that you don't want in your life as less than you as a man and you as somebody that's masculine, you are going to bring that into. Into your relationship as a man. So ask that of yourself. How do I view women and how do I view being feminine? You know and can I get to a place where I respect women and I respect the feminine just as much as I respect being a man and being masculine? That is where we need to move. That is where we need to get is to a return to this place of respect. So ask the question, see how it goes. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment below if you are watching this on YouTube and let me know how this question lands for you. Is there any alteration that you would make? Is there anything that you would add to this conversation? Is there anything that you want to share or what's the question that you would ask on a first or second date to have a better sense of the woman that you are dating? So I look forward to your thoughts, to your comments and until next week this is Connor Beaton signing off.