The Signs Of Codependency In A Relationship

Signs of codependency. Let's talk about this. A couple things that you probably have read about. Things like low self esteem, things like over people pleasing, right? That's the, the constant giver. There's the poor boundaries, and then there's something that doesn't get talked about enough, which is reactivity. If you are either the giver or the taker, over reactivity can be a very big sign that you are in a codependent relationship. And that's because there's a very high tend of both the taker and the giver to over personalize things, to over personalize people's choices, people's opinions, right? Their partner's decisions, et cetera. There's a whole bunch of other things that we've talked about, like caretaking and overly controlling, maybe sort of being a little bit obsessive, right? Obsessing about your partner, obsessing about what they're doing or what they're choosing or, you know, anything that might relate to, you know. And then finally denial, right? Denying that there are certain problems in the relationship, denying that your partner is maybe not treating you so well. Denial is a very big identifier and a sign that you might be in a codependent relationship. So let's talk about how this actually looks in your relationship. I have a couple other pieces that I think are very, very important that a lot of people don't talk about. Number one is a sign that you're in a codependent relationship is that you are investing a lot of energy and time into the relationship and sacrificing your own needs, wants and relationships. And also investing a lot of time and energy into caring for your partner's dysfunction. Okay? And that dysfunction could be a work, you know, a work addiction, workaholic. It could be somebody who has an alcohol addiction or, you know, smoking too much weed or some type of drug. It could be a number of things, but you're spending a lot of time trying to make up for or deal with or care for a partner who has a very real dysfunction. Next is making excuses for that other person's bad behaviors, right? So if you are in a relationship and you know, your partner's just constantly disrespecting you, they're mistreating you, they're talking down to you, and you find yourself making excuses for their behavior, that's another sign that you can see that codependency is showing up in your relationship. Next is not allowing your partner to take responsibility for their own lives. So you might, you know, they might bring you a problem and it's in their work or whatever, and you are, you immediately try and take over solving that problem for them, and you get really frustrated when they won't let you help them get really frustrated when, you know, they, they don't want your help. Right? They want to try and figure it out on their own. That can cause a lot of tension. So not allowing your partner to actually take responsibility for their lives and then not allowing your partner to maintain their independence. So, and, and the inverse is true, right? Maybe you're in a relationship where your partner doesn't let you maintain your independence. So an example of this is, and this is very true, if you're the giver, right? If you're the giver, it's likely that your partner doesn't like when you make plans with friends or want to go camping for the weekend or, you know, are going to go out and watch the sports game with your, your buddies, and all of a sudden they're upset and making a big deal about how you don't prioritize them, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So anytime that you time try and like, maintain your independence, that's when they, they get all disrupted. So those are very, very clear signs that codependency is probably pretty active in your relationship. And again, there are levels to this, right? You don't, you might not be in like a stage five clinger codependency. You might just have some codependency in your relationship, right? There's not every relationship. Well, first off, not every relationship is codependent, but not every codependent relationship is like a code red or a stage five, right? So just starting to identify which ones of these show up, what's the severity with which they show up? That's also very important, the, to start to identify because not all of those will have landed, but some of those will have landed, and some of those will probably have landed pretty heavily. All right, finally, here's some questions that you can ask, just a couple questions that you can write down and you can ask yourself, and then we're going to move into how do you actually end and move out of codependency? So a couple questions that you can ask that I've given to a lot of men that can really help you start to identify codependence in your relationship is the following. So, number one, do I feel obligated or compelled to help my partner above myself? Do I feel obligated or compelled to help my partner above myself? Number two Do I tend to over prioritize my partner's needs and wants right what they want above my own needs and wants? Number three Do I let my partner over prioritize my needs and wants above my own on a regular basis? Probably see where I'm going there. Number four Do I on a regular basis feel ashamed of who I am? Do I on a regular basis feel ashamed of who I am, the decisions I'm making, the choices I'm making, et cetera? Number five Do I consistently or regularly try to control the outcomes of other people when I feel helpless or guilty? Do I try and control the outcomes of other people when I feel helpless or guilty? Number six Do I have a hard time asking for help? Do I have a hard time asking for help? And number seven Do I often avoid talking about my problems in an open, honest way? Do I have a hard time opening up about my problems in an open and honest way.