The single most attractive thing a man can do

Welcome, guys and gals, to the Man Talks Show. I'm Connor Beaton, the host and founder of Man Talks. Today we're going to talk about the single most attractive thing a man can do. And I'm going to start off with talking about men and commitment. I need to address this because lately I've been hearing a lot of women, not all of them, but a lot of women, talk about and complain about how men are bad with commitment. And I hear a lot of men talk about that, too, about how they're bad with commitment. And I disagree. I think that that is crap. I think it's horseshit. I think that men are not bad with commitment. Men are bad at committing to the wrong things. That's the actual problem. The problem isn't that they're bad at commitment. It's that they're bad at committing to the right things. So they end up committing to the wrong things. So I'm going to give this an example for you. So when a man takes all of his commitment, all of his focus and his effort and energy, and he says, I'm going to commit to this relationship 100%. I'm going to give myself to this relationship. And to be clear, this doesn't mean that men shouldn't commit and be faithful in a relationship, in a monogamous relationship. I'm not saying that. But when a man says to himself, I'm going to commit everything that I am as a man to this relationship, what ends up happening is that he becomes a needy man. He becomes a very needy man because he needs that relationship. He needs that person. He needs his partner to give him validation. He needs his partner to validate his worth. Because what a man has done, by the way, where a man puts his commitments. And I need you to hear this, where a man puts his commitments is where he puts his worth. Now this is incredibly important to know. Because if a man puts all of his commitment on of himself, of his life, of his effort, his energy, his attention on his relationship, what he is telling the world, telling the universe, telling his partner, is that my worth as a man is only in this relationship. So if this relationship ends, if this relationship is on the rocks, if you, if our sex life isn't working, or you're disappointed with me, or you're mad with me, or I screwed up, or I lied, or I cheated his whole existence as a man now becomes threatened. His ability to see his own self worth, his ability to see his own value as a man becomes threatened. And that is incredibly catastrophic and horrible. And it becomes debilitating not only for the man, but it becomes just crappy for his partner. Right? It becomes horrible. Women don't want that. And not only that, it doesn't matter if you're in a, you know, a straight or homosexual relationship or whatever your sexual orientation is. If you're a man and you put all of your worth, all of your value, all of your commitment into a relationship, you're going to become needy, you're going to become dependent on that person's opinion of you. And what ends up happening is that when men put all of their commitment, all of their own self commitment into a relationship, they not only become dependent on the relationship, but they then need to maintain a certain level of perfection within the relationship that is unsustainable. It's unsustainable. It cannot be done. It's physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually impossible. And so a man ends up having to ignore certain parts of himself and certain needs that he has within the relationship and certain values that, that he has as a man and certain wants and desires that he has as a man. And what ends up happening is that a lot of men end up being unfaithful because of this. It's not necessarily because there's something wrong with the partner that he's with or there's something wrong with the relationship necessarily. It's that he can't see his own value in the relationship any longer. It's the same thing with a man's work. We have taught men, generation after generation, that. That a man is what a man is what he does. And so many men believe this. So many men have adopted and taken on this belief in this mentality that a man is what he does. And so a man takes all of his commitment, he says, you know what? I see the fault in putting all my commitment in my relationship. And so I'm gonna put all my commitment into what I do, into my work, into my business, into my career, my profession. And what ends up happening? Well, now he has committed so fully to that work, he's committed so fully to what he does that how he identifies is by what he does. And his whole self worth, his whole self image, his whole value as a man is now hinged on and dependent on that business, that career, that title. And it's an incredibly dangerous thing. And I have seen so many men's lives destroyed because they have put their self worth on a title, on a business, on a career path. And it breaks men down because when their career is threatened, when they're not performing the way that they did 10 years ago in their career when their business starts to slide down the hill and they start to experience challenges in their business financially, they're not able to pay employees, they have to lay them off. Their career is in jeopardy. They. Their whole sense, not only of self worth, but their sense of purpose, their sense of identity, their sense of value in the world is now threatened. And when that is taken away, a man's sense of existence can be taken away. And I know men, I have known men in my life, people that I respected, people that I honored, people that I loved and cared about, who have taken their own lives, who have committed suicide simply because they put so much emphasis, so much emphasis on what they did that when what they did started to fall apart, they didn't think that they should live in this world any longer because they perceived themselves to be such a catastrophic failure that that deconstruction of what they did became a deconstruction of who they are. So how do we escape this? How do we as mention, fix and heal and actually honor our relationship to commitment? Well, we need to start being better at committing to the right things. And the one commitment that we need to make every single day, every day, is the commitment to ourselves. Not to a relationship, not to our partner, not to our business, not to how much money we have in the bank account or how much your car costs, the type of car you drive, or the label on your suit or the house that you own and live in, but your commitment to yourself and your own development and your own expansion. Now, I want to make one thing very clear. Expansion equals purpose. Your purpose as a man is to expand. There's three forms. There's only three forms of energy and flow in this world. It's expansion, stagnation and contraction. Expansion, stagnation and contraction. And if you are not expanding, you're. You're either in the state of stagnation or contraction. And when you are in those states, they are a very dangerous place to be. Stagnation is very common for a lot of men who are complacent with love, with life, with finances, with their career, who don't want to set goals, who don't want to take risks. That is the realm of stagnation. Contraction, on the other hand, is where a man knows he's failing, knows he's sliding into what I call the bis, the abyss, knows that he is lying. He's not being his most authentic self. He is not speaking his truth. He is not going after the goals and the results that he wants in his life. He is not using the gifts that he has been given in this world and in this lifetime. He's not able to see those gifts. And he starts to contract. He starts to self destruct, he starts to sabotage, he starts to take himself down a peg. He starts to self deprecate and shit all over himself, mentally, emotionally, verbally, verbally, physically, spiritually within himself. So your purpose as a man is to expand. And the only thing, the only thing that you ever need to commit to in life is the commitment to that single expansion. Because if you can commit to that, what you show. And by the way, commitment to yourself, commitment to yourself is the single most attractive, attractive thing to a woman. I'm going to say that again, commitment to yourself, because it sounds counterintuitive. Commitment to yourself is the single most attractive thing to a woman. Specifically, a commitment to your own expansion to a commitment to your own growth. When you are committed to your own expansion and growth and you're committed to yourself, you signal to a partner, whether it's a man or a woman or whatever your sexual orientation is, you signal to, to the other person, to your potential mate, that you are capable of committing to the right thing. You are capable and safe and secure in your commitments. And if you can commit to you, you can certainly commit to them in the way that they need. And you'll start to attract other people who are able to commit to themselves in the exact same way. And you'll start to have a much healthier relationship than the dysfunction that you may have attracted in the past. Not only is it the most attractive thing in a man, it is the surest, fastest, most ironclad way to get the results that you want in your life. It is the surest way to become successful and fulfilled. Tony Robbins said one of my favorite quotes that success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. Well, guess what? If you're not committed to yourself, you will surely fail. You will find yourself in a relationship where you have put other people in and you have prioritized other people time and time again, day in and day out, over yourself. You'll find yourself in a career that you don't like, sacrificing your own sense of self worth because you have pedestaled the career above you. You have committed to it. You have committed to it more than you've committed to yourself. So if you want an incredible relationship, if you want an absolute, if you want to win at the game of life, and you want to have it all, you need to figure out how to how to commit to yourself. And the pitfall with this, the trap with this is that most men think to themselves, ah, I see the value in what you're saying. I understand that committing fully to my relationship and just giving everything to my relationship is flawed and committing everything to my work is flawed and that I need to commit to myself. And I'm gonna do that right now. I'm gonna commit to myself. But the problem is, is that this commitment is not a one time commitment. It is not a singularity. It is not a commitment that you get to take lightly and make once and be done with. It's not, it's, it's like marriage. When you commit a marriage, it's not like a you say, I do. And that's just it, you have to commit to that shit every single day of your life. You need to commit to yourself every single day of your life. Because if you don't, if you don't commit to yourself every single day, people know it, you know it, you'll start to stagnate, you'll start to contract, you will start to make improper, poor decisions that you know are misaligned with your truth, with your values, with your beliefs, with your faith, with your spirituality and your mindset and your goals and your resolve. You will start to collapse on your boundaries of what you know is right as a man. So commit to yourself daily, commit to your expansion daily, commit to you on a regular basis and see your life change. It is the single most attractive thing that you can do, not only for other people, but for yourself. Because when you commit to yourself in this way, this is really what self love is all about. This is what self care and ultimately self respect. If you want to respect yourself as a man and you want to talk, stop talking shit about yourself in your head. You need to commit to yourself more than anything else, anything else, period. It doesn't mean that you're unfaithful, absolutely not. It means that you are still amazingly committed to the partner, to the boundaries that you have in your relationship, to respecting your partner. But to learn to respect someone else is to learn to respect yourself first. So commit to you. Define what that looks like. What do you need to do each and every single day to be fully committed, fully invested.

Fully ventured into yourself? And it's a journey, it's a path, it's a story that will unfold for the rest of your life. And there are going to be days where you don't commit to you. There's going to be days where you fall off the wagon. And you commit more to your dysfunction and you commit more to your excuses and and you commit more to putting your partner's needs first, and that's okay too. Sometimes we need to do that. And you commit more to your kids and your work, and that's okay too. But you come back to committing to yourself. You come back to committing to yourself because you are home. And as Ram Dass said, we are all just walking each other home. But you need to find home within yourself first before you can help other people walk there. So man it forward. Share this message Share this episode with just one person who you think will find value in it. Just one person. Start to rewrite your narratives around commitment. Commit to yourself. Write it down. Figure it out what it looks like for you each and every single day. And this ties into the episode that I put out last week. So if you want to understand how to actually do this, listen to the episode last week and you'll have a motto of how to do this step by step. And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off. Thank you so much for joining me. Don't forget to men it for don't forget to leave a rating and a review. And until next week, Connor Beaton out.