Connor Beaton explains two primary reasons people lack impulse control: (1) using impulsive behavior to avoid unwanted internal experiences (loneliness, boredom, anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, sexual urges), and (2) never being taught impulse-control strategies by caregivers. He frames impulse control as a skill that can be developed.
Two main things, what causes us to lack impulse control and how we can begin to develop a deeper level of impulse control. So number one, we lack impulse control when we are trying to avoid feeling something internally. That could be loneliness, boredom, anger, frustration, sadness, grief, being horny, just whatever it is. But it's often when you are experiencing something internally that you do not want to experience, maybe it's anxiety, feeling a little bit depressed or, or sad or there's your grief is starting to come up. The second thing, nobody taught you how to have impulse control. You didn't have a father figure in your life or a woman in your life, a mom, a dad, just a somebody to teach you how to have impulse control. So if no one taught you, then it's just a skill set that you will not know how to use. And the good thing is it is a skill set and it is something that you can absolutely develop.
How to Raise Strong, Unshakable Boys in Today's Culture, with Dr. Shefali Tsabary
