What Women Desire From Men Before Sex

Welcome. I'm Connor Beaton, and on this midweek mini episode, we're going to talk about what women desire from a man in intimacy. Now, obviously, there's many things that I could probably dive into and talk about on this podcast episode, but I'm going to focus in on one specific thing. I'm going to give you one specific practice. And guys, this is mainly for you women. You can obviously listen along and if you agree, great, share it with your man.

But, guys, this is generally for you. So one of the biggest questions that I get from a lot of men at our men's weekends is what do women actually desire? And this is usually framed from a different perspective, which is, I'd like to have more sex with my partner. Now, this isn't always the masculine or the male partner asking this question, but a lot of men often ask this question and say, I'd like to have more sexual connection with my partner, and I'm not too sure how to engage her and bring her into that place. So let's just talk about this first and foremost. Usually the very first question that I'll ask a man after he said that is, how present are you with your partner? How present are you when you're around her? Are you lost in thoughts? Are you scrolling endlessly through Reddit or Facebook or Instagram? Are you distracted by what's happening at work? The arguments that you've gotten into with a boss, the to do list that you have for tomorrow? Are you ruminating about whether or not you should initiate intimacy? Whether she'll reject you, whether you'll last long enough or stay hard enough or perform well enough? What's going on within your mind? Because that's a very clear indicator. The feminine within your partner is going to be deeply drawn into your presence. And I see this time after time after time when we do workshops, when Vienna and I will do workshops or a retreat, anything that's co ed. And I have the men get up and do an exercise that gets them into their body and out of their mind. And the difference between a man who is in his body and out of his head is markedly different. You can actually see his entire physiology change. You can see his eyes change. His eye movement will change, his breathing will change. And where you feel a man coming from will fundamentally change. So, guys.

What the women in your life are really craving, what the feminine, specifically within the women. Because again, masculine and feminine are just energies. So what the feminine from your partner is really craving and desiring is a deeper connection to presence, is for you to be not lost in ruminating thoughts, in analysis, paralysis of what you should do next, or how you're going to make the move, or how you should kiss her, or whatever task list is going on in your head, whether or not you responded to that email, et cetera. What the feminine is really craving and desiring from you is a depth of presence, is for you to be so fully in the moment and leading from that place that the feminine can feel safe, that it can relax, that it can, however that dance is going to unfold, that it can feel like you are in the driver's seat of your own body. Now, the reason why this is so important is because for the feminine, if it is coming in contact with the masculine, and he's lost in his head and going a million miles, still jacked up on coffee or Red Bull or whatever else, and constantly thinking about the conversation that he had at work that day, or whether or not he's going to get up and go to the gym tomorrow morning and he's trying to engage in intimacy with her, whether it's an emotionally intimate conversation, whether it is initiating some sort of sexual intimacy, she is going to start to. What's going to happen is it's going to erode the trust that the feminine has in the masculine partner. The feminine won't be able to sort of relax because what she will be receiving is going to be a lot of additional information. She can feel your distraction, just like she can feel into your need, right? If you have a neediness there, like, I need to get off, I need to have sex, right? If you are clinging to, maybe you're stressed out or overly anxious, and there's a lot going on in your body and you're not present to that, and your mind immediately says, oh, I'm full, I feel full, I feel anxious, I feel so stressed out. What do I want? What I could really use right now is just to get off, because then I'll feel euphoric and I'll feel a little bit of a release, and it'll help me sleep better or whatever else the narrative is the feminine will feel into that, so your partner will feel he's needing something from me. So what we want to do is we want to practice bringing our awareness down into our body, down into our heart, down into our, you know, into our groin. You can bring it right down into, you know, into your privates and actually bring your awareness down into there. And how you do that is through a multitude of practices. But one of the best ones is through breath work, is by actually breathing in and sort of imagining. If you close your eyes, close your eyes and breathe down into your heart, Imagine that you're sending the breath there, and then breathe a little bit lower down into your gut, and then breathe a little bit lower down into your groin, and then breathe a little bit lower than that down into your legs and down into the soles of your feet and down to the ground. So that's the type of presence that you want to create, because the more presence that you have within your body, the less distracted you're going to be. And one of the biggest challenges that I hear a lot of guys not complaining about necessarily, but a lot of guys saying they have challenges with is that will do work at the men's weekends. And they'll say, you know, when I go to have sex with my partner, I'm very distracted. My mind is going 1,000 miles a minute, and I have these ruminating thoughts, and I have performance anxiety, or my anxiety from the day won't seem to go away, and I can't seem to get my mind to shut off. And this is going to impact the intimacy with your partner. So there are many ways, there are many practices that will help you get into your body, but breath work is going to be the biggest access point in many and almost all forms of tantra. Breathwork is by far the easiest way to do it. And so, again, just practice what I laid out for you before. Close your eyes, breathe into your heart, and bring your awareness down into there. See if you can make notice your heart beating, feel your heart actually palpitating in your chest. Notice what that feels like. Then bring your awareness and your attention and your breath a little bit lower into your gut, and then just bring it lower and lower and lower. And you want to play with this because this is important for when you actually start to engage in sex intimacy. What happens for a lot of guys that are living in their head, that are ruminating, that have constant ruminating thoughts before and during sexual intimacy, is that they will struggle often with things like premature ejaculation, with keeping their erection. And that's usually happening. You know, barring a medical condition, it's usually happening because those ruminating thoughts are taking them away from the physical sensations of their body. And what's starting to happen is that their breath will start to shorten and it'll create a lot of tension and their body. And you actually want to move tension out of your body, move tension out of your diaphragm, which is the muscle underneath your lungs that's responsible for your ease of breath. And you want to move the tension out of your body. So having a form of practice, whether it's yoga in the morning or breath work in the morning, which I highly recommend, I do, both every single day, is going to help you move some of the tension around in your body so that when you are engaged in sexual intimacy, you aren't so tense. Because what happens for a lot of guys is that ruminating thoughts happen and they're worried about performing, and then they get into the act of sex and their whole body is already so tight, so clenched up, that it has nothing else to do but to sort of release, right? Because all of that tension creates a desire, a physical desire for release, which for us is orgasm. Well, specifically within sexual intimacy. So what a woman is really craving and desiring from you is your depth of presence, is your ability, ability to initiate maybe emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy, touching, kissing, et cetera, with you not distracted, with you being deeply present to your own body, to your own desire, to your own sense of arousal and sexual excitement. And when you can do this, it creates an openness for her where she can feel you, she can feel safe with you, and she can kind of relax because she's not worried about, are you here, are you present? Are you just wanting to get some sort of sexual release and just use me for that and then we're done. Are you actually wanting to connect? Is there room for my desire to come out? Is there room for my wants and my arousal and my voice to come out within our relationship specifically? So just try that. Try the breathing exercise. Notice the next time that you go to engage in intimacy with your partner where your mind is at. Notice if it's distracted and notice if that makes a difference for your partner. Try and deepen your presence. If you are having sex with your partner and you're constantly thinking, is she enjoying this? Am I good enough? Is she going to get off? Am I going to come too fast? If all of those things are just ruminating and circling around in your mind, it's going to be very hard to be present to where you want to explore, to the type of intimacy that you want to bring forward in, in that specific experience, to the type of pleasure that you want to sort of dish out to your partner and bring her through or him through and what you specifically want to experience. So cultivate that depth of presence throughout the day. Notice. Bring your awareness deeper into the body. The more in your body that you are, the more safe, the more at ease your partner is going to feel with you when it comes to having a sexual experience. So I hope that that serves you. Enjoy the practice and if you enjoyed this, definitely share it with your partner. Maybe you'll want to listen through and see what lands for them and what doesn't, what questions they have. But if you're looking to do more work on this specifically, then like I said, I would strongly recommend that you check out the couples workshop that Vienna and I are doing. We're going to be giving the couples in that workshop on February 15th practices that they can use to start to embody this presence, to start to embody their masculine and embody their feminine and be able to deepen their sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy within their relationship. So if you want more information on that, head on over to connorbeaton.com and hopefully we'll see you there. Until next week, it's me signing off.