What Women Do To Emasculate Men

Alright guys, welcome back to the Mantalk show. Connor Beaton here today we're going to be talking about the main ways that women emasculate. The men that they date, the men that they're with, the men that they marry. And oddly enough, today's episode is brought to you by the questions of women. I'm actually not doing this episode because guys have asked for it. I'm doing this episode because there have been a number of women over the last few months that have actually reached out and said, hey, my ex boyfriend, my ex husband, my current boyfriend, my current husband. They tell me that I do things to emasculate them. Can you tell me what I'm doing or can you tell me some of the ways in which men actually feel emasculated? And so kudos to you ladies for reaching out. I'm going to give a little bit of a list and sort of break them down. Before I get into that, I would love to hear your thoughts. What do you think? Whether you're a woman or a man, what do you think that women do so sometimes to emasculate their partner? I'll probably do a video in the future that will talk about what you as a man do to move women out of their feminine or to not defeminize them because I don't think that that's actually a thing. I don't know if we have a word for emasculate, you know, effeminate. I don't think that there is that thing. But to move women out of their feminine and more into their masculine. So I'll do a follow up video on that. But if you're watching on YouTube comment below, don't forget to man it forward. Share and subscribe. All right, let's dive in. Number one biggest thing that I see is withholding sex and I'm going to explain this. I'm not saying that you should have sex even when you don't want to. I'm talking about when something's going on in the relationship. You know, there's conflict, there's some disconnection. Maybe a man isn't, you know, sort of showing up in the way that his partner wants that you want as his girlfriend or his wife and you start to withhold sex. So sex in a relationship is not a bargaining tool. It is not something that you should use almost ever to punish the other person. It is not something that you should use to change behavior. But the reality is is that pretty much all women know how important sex is to men and I hear some women saying things like, well, why do men care so much about sex? And there's usually a complaint without a real depth of understanding. Most women know sex is very important, but they don't really understand why it's so important. And my experience is that for most men, of course, there's sort of the drive and the desire, and there's just a sort of general hunger for it. But underneath the surface, sex is a very intimate piece. So for a lot of guys, sex is a place with his partner, with his girlfriend, with his woman, with whoever, where he can express a part of himself that he normally doesn't get to express out in society, out in culture. And so. And it's also, and this is a very important piece, a place where a lot of men feel the closest to the women that they're with. And it's a place where there's different expressions of love that can come forward. However.

In some ways, because women know that sex is so important for men, they also know that if I take this away from you, if I withhold it, if I put conditions on it, then I have more control in the relationship. And that might be happening consciously or unconsciously. Think oftentimes, I like to give the benefit of the doubt that's happening unconsciously. But this brings me to the quote by Oscar Wilde, which I absolutely love. He said, everything in life is about sex except for sex. Sex is about power. And that's really what's happening when you are withholding sex in a relationship actively. You are taking control over some of the power in the relationship, over a large portion of power in the relationship. And you're saying, I'm going to take this seat of superiority because you're not doing what I want you to do, because you're not behaving how I want you to behave, because you're not showing up in the way that I want you to show up. You're not doing the work that I want you to do. You're not taking care of the things that I want you to take care of. And so I'm going to withhold this very meaningful thing. So that's number one. Number two is withholding fun, withholding joy, withholding happiness. And. And so what can happen oftentimes in a relationship, again, is when a man and a woman, when they're, you know, when you're having some conflict or challenge or disconnection, you can begin as a woman to disconnect from the feminine qualities of fluidity, of flow, of joy, of playfulness. You know, of just being in the moment. And my wife does this all the time, pretty much every day, where she'll turn music on and she'll start dancing or she'll just, you know, breakout and dancing and song, and it's like silly, but it's got this beautiful feminine quality to it that's so alluring and so attractive. And for a lot of women, what can happen is when conflict starts to arise, when disconnection starts to arise within the relationship, they can become much more rigid, they can become much harder. And this sort of playful, fluid part of them that so many men are attracted to, right? Like if you are a woman dating a man, masculine man, that man, almost unequivocally, he might not use the words that I'm about to use, but he will be saying something along these lines. I am so attracted and drawn to the playful feminine parts of you. When you're in this, like, flowy, fluid, playful, soft, you know, joyful state, I'm so attracted to you. It's just like this magnetic pull that all of a sudden makes me desire you, want to be around you, want to be close to you. But for a lot of women, they've learned, either in past relationships or growing up or in their current relationship to try and protect themselves or to try and leverage withholding fun, withholding that joy and that fluidity and that feminine nature as a means of, again, behavioral changes, punishing, et cetera. And what happens is that that woman then will begin to check out of the relationship. If that goes on for long enough and she doesn't shift out of it or the, you know, the relationship doesn't acknowledge it, she'll start to slowly drift out. Because no women, no woman wants to stay in this hyper rigid, hyper sort of cemented, you know, concretized version of themself. That's very hard and, you know, very combative and very attack oriented. So that's another way. And it's mascul. Because on the other side of that, when we as men can tell that you are withholding fun, that you're withholding this beautiful playful energy, this energy that we're very attracted to, it can feel like we can't do anything to get you out of there or that we have to compromise something that you're asking us for in order to have you soften, in order to have you relax into that state. And so it can feel very emasculating for a lot of men because it's like, well, now making me responsible for whether or not you decide to have Fun. And that goes into the, you know, the stupidest saying of all time, which is, happy wife, happy life. We're not going to go there. The next one is being very controlling. So it's, it's very emasculating. And this kind of goes in with another point that I have about mothering, which is a little bit different. I'm going to talk about that in a second. But being very controlling. So trying to overly dictate or control your man's behaviors, his actions, the things that he says, where he goes, who he hangs out with, this goes hand in hand with that withholding fun. Generally, what happens when a woman starts to become more and more rigid. And ladies, you've probably experienced this in a relationship. The level of controlling can go up and up and up and up and up. And my good colleague and friend Dewey Freeman says that where we control, we lack trust. Where we control, we lack trust. And so this can happen on a number of occasions, right? Maybe the trust has been broken. Maybe there's been a betrayal, maybe there's been lies. Maybe there's just been, you know, he's dropped the ball a number of times and you feel like you have to step in and control. And I get that. I'm not, you know, I'm not saying that there aren't times where it feels like you have to sort of take control. What I'm talking about is when that's not necessary, when that's not needed, and you're operating in a way sometimes from your own anxieties, sometimes from your own fears, sometimes from your own unwillingness to be vulnerable or be playful or be connected and intimate, you start to try and control. And the control is a mechanism that not only emasculates your partner, it emasculates the man who wants to be able to provide, wants to be able to lead in some ways in the relationship, wants to be able to feel close to you and connected to you, but it makes him feel small, right? Whenever we are in the controlling position, we feel very big, we feel very powerful. And whenever we're in the controlled position, we feel very small. And so it's very common for a lot of women who enact this hyper controlling mechanism, which is very emasculating for a partner, right? Like, you know, why didn't you take out the garbage when I told you to? Or how come you didn't take it out the way that I asked you to? Or why didn't you put the dishes in the exact way that I told you to? Or the Bed isn't made this way, or, you know, why did you say that that way? Or, you know, whatever it is, you start to nitpick every single behavior, action, choice, speech that that man says, and slowly he feels very constricted. So the most important thing to mention, the most important thing to the masculine is freedom. And so slowly, as you become more and more controlling, it's emasculating him because he feels like he has less and less and less and less freedom. And this is a recipe for disaster in a relationship. It builds up resentment on both sides. Neither of you are happy. So that's another way that emasculation can happen. I only have a couple more, and then I want to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Big, big, big one is trying to change you as a man, right? There's a saying that I think I said on a podcast recently that men try to fix problems and women try to fix the person. And so oftentimes, what will happen in a relationship is a man will, you know, try, and he'll hear his wife or his girlfriend is upset, she's got some issue at work or with her parents, and he will be thinking about, how do I fix this problem for her? You know, what do I do? Or she'll be saying, oh, I want to. I want to lose 10 pounds, or, I don't like the way that I look in this dress. And so he'll think about, how do I help her solve this problem of losing 10 pounds or fitting into this dress, right? He'll fix it on the problem. But for women, what will happen? This is just a generality, but it's. I've found it to be true. Most of the time, women will focus in on the person. So a man might say, you know, I don't like my job, or I want to lose 10 pounds, or whatever it is. And she'll start to try and change his behavior. She'll start to try and change him. She'll start to focus in on his actions, his choices, his behaviors, his likes, what he does, who he spends time with. And so she'll try and start to change him out of. Right? They're both good intentions out of either seeing where he could be better, you know, where he's struggling, where he's hurting, where he's lonely, disconnected, whatever the case may be. But the more that you try and change the man that you're with, the more that he will feel emasculated because the more that he will feel like, you don't love me for who I am. You are trying to get me to be a version of myself that you want. And so you don't actually accept who I am. You want me to become who you want me to be. And for a man, again, the masculine in us craves that freedom. And so that doesn't feel like a free choice. That doesn't feel like a direction that he can move very freely. And for a lot of guys, what will start to happen is they'll start to check out because they'll feel like, oh, you're just trying to change me into who you want me to be. And so it can create a lot of tension, a lot of resentment, a lot of conflict within the relationship when a woman is, you know, constantly trying to change him. And what's fascinating, and, ladies, I love you because you. You always want to support your men. But I think this is one of the things that I see time and time again. I get so many questions from women saying, how do I get my man to do the work? How do I get my man to come out to your weekends? How do I get my man to read your book or tune in your podcast or whatever it is? And I always say the same thing, which is, stop trying to change him. And then maybe you'll have the answer. And for a lot of women, that's a very hard thing to hear, because most of the time, you're trying to change your man because you see that he's in pain, you see that he's suffering, you see that he's hurting, you see that he's frustrated. And so when you can let go of trying to change him, you can actually start to see who he actually is and reflect that back. You'll actually be able to have deeper conversations with him about what he's struggling with and understand where he's at and why he's making the decisions that he's making, and to some degree, love where he's at. And when you stop trying to change the man that you're with, the man that you're with has the freedom to change. I really want that one to hit home. When you stop trying to change the man that you're with, the man that you're with has the freedom to change. He's got the air to breathe. For a lot of men, it is incredibly, they feel very encroached on when the woman that they're dating or married to has identified that they're struggling and then is just constantly peppering him, trying to get them to change. You gotta go to therapy. You Gotta hire a coach. You need to, you know, do this course or whatever it is and constantly on him to change. Create invitations, create openings, say, hey, I bought you this book that I thought you might like. Or, you know, I'd love to listen to this podcast with you. Or without the expectation of, you need to be somebody different in order for me to be happy with you. So that's the next one. There's a couple more. I talked about mothering your partner. I think, you know, this is. I'll just touch on this briefly. The mothering piece is interesting because it's very much about maturity. Right? Again, it's taking this position of superiority. I'm more mature than you are, I know better than you do, and so I have to parent you. Now, are there dynamics where the man is very childish and, you know, doesn't have manners or doesn't take care of things or, you know, doesn't know? Like, I grew up in a house. I'll give you an example. I grew up in a household where clean cleaning and cleanliness was not a priority. Let me just put it that way, okay? Cleaning and cleanliness, not a priority. Didn't have to make my bed in the morning. The kitchen was pretty much always a mess. You know, there was some minimal vacuuming that would happen once a week. The basement was always a disaster. Like, it just was not a clean house, period. Full stop. And that was always a problem for a lot of women that I dated. And the challenge was, is that they were always trying to mother me. And I always resisted and rejected that versus finding my own way to, like, the value in having a clean, organized space. And so what can happen is if a man is acting childish and his wife starts to step into this more mothering oriented position, it will create. It will almost instantly desexualize the relationship. It'll almost always and very quickly kill the sexual connection within the relationship or diminish it very, very strongly and sharply. Because the man will start to feel like, oh, I'm a child, I'm a boy, I feel very young, which is not a sexual thing. And the woman will start to feel like his mother. So moving out of that, I'll talk about it in a video, a different video. Cause that's not the point of this video. The next two are the last two, which is demeaning men's activities. Demeaning men's activities. So, you know, a guy wants to watch football or car racing. You know, I love F1. I love, you know, watching those types of sports, watching hockey Et cetera. And for a lot of guys, they feel emasculated when their partner is making fun of it, right? When their partner is devaluing the things that he likes and enjoys and doesn't understand why they're important for him, right? Imagine that, like, you as a woman really had some core interest, right? You're like super into yoga and all he did was shit talk it, right? You would feel put down, you would feel let down, you would not feel understood. But this is the experience that a lot of guys have when they're like, I really love football, or I really love watching the NHL or I love watching soccer, whatever it is, right? Whatever the activity is that he likes doing. I like going to the firing range or I love racing my car. And if you as a woman are constantly putting that down, he's going to feel very emasculated in the sense that you are not going to. He will feel like you do not understand a huge part of what he's interested in. Now, this doesn't mean that you have to like it. This doesn't mean that you have to take some massive interest in it. It simply means that you stop shit talking the things that he likes to do. Now lastly, these are sort of hand in hand. This last one's sort of a double whammy. It's withholding affection or approval and treating their emotions and their feelings and their vulnerabilities like they either don't exist or using them against them. So big piece on the one side is appreciation and affection. I like to say that that appreciation is the currency of intimacy. And any relationship, appreciation is the currency of intimacy. So if you want intimacy to flow, to be free, to be connected, to be, you know, really strong between you and your partner, you have to give praise, validation and affection. A lot of men, again, with this very sort of feminine energy, this sort of fluid, flowy energy that a lot of guys are very attracted to. This shows up when you as a woman are like giving affection, wanting to be close. That can be very enticing and very activating for a lot of guys. Now on the other side is a man's emotions and feelings. Maybe I should have put this one further up, but here we go. I have heard from a lot of men that when they open up and be vulnerable with the woman that they're with, that information, their feelings, their emotions, you know, what they're going through is used against them. Maybe not right there in that moment, but maybe the next day in a conflict or a week later, or a month later. And so what can happen relationally is that man will feel emasculated in the sense that he will learn very quickly that it's not safe for him or trusting of him to open up to you, to actually be in a place of being a man who is struggling or having a hard time or wanting to talk to you about some of the issues that are going on in his life, whether it's with his mental health or his business or his career or family or whatever it is. And for a man, that. That is incredibly challenging because he wants. Most men want some type of a place where they can land in their relationship and sometimes talk about the issues that they're. That they're going through and to not be treated like they don't have feelings or that their emotions don't matter. The real catch. I remember speaking on a TV show. It was called the TD Jake Show. This is years ago. It's probably like 2016. And, you know, one of the things that he asked me was, how come more men don't open up? How come more men don't. Don't share? And I said, well, the. The reality is that for a lot of guys, they have opened up in a relationship and been burned because the women that they were with couldn't receive that man's emotion. They couldn't hear it, they couldn't hold space for it. They couldn't have a dialogue about it. They just got reactive, they got frustrated, they got defensive. You know, they shut down, they disconnected, they lost interest, they lost connection to him. And so the reality is, is that a lot of women, I think, underestimate that they might not actually know how to receive or be around a man's emotions. And so we live in this very strange time where so many women are asking men to open up and be more vulnerable and share their emotions and share what's happening inside of them. And the reality is, is that for a lot of men, their experience has been that when they do that with their female partner, their female partner shuts down or uses those things against them, you know, as an attack later on, as a character flaw later on. And that is incredibly emasculating. To take the risk as a man to divulge some of that information, to open up and then to have that used against you at a later date in some conflict or to, you know, create some. Some power battle is incredibly emasculating. And it's also very damaging for the relationship. So those are the main pieces. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Thank you for sticking it through. And like I said, I'll probably be doing a video on what we as men do to move women out of their feminine and to shame them for their feminine nature. So comment below, let me know what your thoughts are. Don't forget to man it forward and share this episode and subscribe wherever you are. Tuning In Till next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.