Connor Beaton explains why some people pull away from affection or cling tighter out of fear. Both responses trace back to inconsistent care in childhood: withdraw when praised feels unsafe, or grip harder when you're terrified of losing someone.
If you are the person who has the affection and you feels the closeness and then you start to withdraw, it's very likely that you grew up in an environment where love and affection and praise was given to you and then taken away. Or that love and affection and praise or validation closeness was something that you deeply craved. And so when it shows up, your system doesn't know what to do with it and you start to withdraw and pull away. The other version of this is usually a little bit more of the anxious side where. Which is that when the love and affection starts to show up, it feels so good. You love it. I never want this to stop. This closeness, this connection, this affection, this love, this care, this embrace that I feel right now. I don't want it to leave. You start to squeeze tighter. You feel your energy starts to get a little on edge, a little too close to that person and you won't pull yourself away. Just relax. Just calm down. Just take a breath. Like, give them some space.
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