Why Successful Women CAN'T find a "GOOD" Man

I know a lot of couples who actually are in this situation, right, where the, where she out earns him. And they never talk about money and they never talk about what it's like. And so I'm curious, what other thoughts do you have on this notion of women out earning men and then dating potential?

Okay, so first I would just want to focus on the women who are making a great living, who are financially stable and thriving and making good money. And let's say they're single and like you said, they even know they don't need a partner. Let's say this is the woman who dates a man even though she does, since that's what we're focusing on is these sort of, these new gender roles, so to speak. Even though she does not need a man to support her financially, she still wants a man to out earn her. And she could be making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, if not more. That's a problem.

And it's a problem because I would, well, first of all, I would encourage that woman.

To ask herself, why.

Why does she want that?

Because.

If you want people associate money with power, the cultural norms and conditioning that women have been trying for so long to break through is.

That a man is not superior to her.

Right? So, and that she can out, she can go out into the workforce and be as much of a force in the workforce as any man can be. So then why would you, why is it so important to you to have a man who out earns you?

Like what is it about that.

That you, that you need that? In other words, why do you associate how much money he makes with his power and why do you need him to be more powerful than you?

And this is very important because.

It'S one thing to want someone who has purpose, who has direction, who has passion, who, who even has financial stability.

But if he has to out earn you even though you're doing really well, I think that is a very, very old conditioned belief system that that woman, it would behoove her to challenge that. Because first of all, you're going to make the dating pool so small. But second of all.

Why do you need that? And so that would be something that I would encourage women to ask themselves. Why in fact do you need that? Why isn't it enough that the man that you want is driven and powerful in his own right? Why does his bank account.

When you don't need his bank account?

Why is that important? And I think that a lot of women will associate a man's bank account with his level of drive. But that's also another.

That's.

That's fallacy.

It's a fallacy. Exactly. It's not true.

Someone who makes less money than you and you're making good money, how that's very different than someone who's sitting on his couch all day long smoking weed and playing video games or watching porn and having no passion. I mean, it's a vast difference. And so I think that it's important that.

People in general go for qualities in another person when you don't need the financial support that are more important. Like. Like character, like passion, like purpose. Because things are changing. The. The concept of the trophy wife, for example, it doesn't really exist anymore because most men are actually not looking for a dumb bimbo who looks good on his arm. They actually want a woman who's got purpose too. And that purpose could be to raise children. It's not wrapped up so much in money and achievement. But we are living in a time right now that what we're most attracted to are people who do have a sense of direction and purpose and passion. Even if that passion is painting or drawing, just something that makes the person feel connected to something deeper and more purposeful and larger than themselves. And so, like I said, if you are needing. When you don't actually need that financial support and you are want, but you're still saying to yourself, yeah, well, you better make more money than me, you better ask yourself that question as to why, Because I think it perpetuates something that. That women, if they thought clearly about, don't want to perpetuate, which is that somehow the man has got to be superior to me and he's got to. He's got to be better than me in some way. He has to be more skilled than me in some way. And then that's what's the turn on for me.

But isn't that. I mean, it's interesting because there's so many. There's so many threads that I want to pull on this, and I want to be mindful of our time on this front. But it's what's fascinating, fascinating to me is on one hand, you know, we had a conversation around dominance, right, that women are attracted generally to men who are going to be somewhat dominant in a healthy way. Right. In a respectful way. And that that can be, from a sexual standpoint, quite attractive. And then on the other side.

But not at all. But not at all. But only from a sexual standpoint. It's not. Women are not generally attracted to men who are dominant.

But what are the indicators that a man is going to be sexually dominant? Right. Like, I mean, I think that there's outward displays of a man's dominance that show up in his day to day life, in his character, in the way that he speaks and carries himself and in what he does. And so I think there's two things that I could see. And you tell me I'm not a woman, I have no idea what this experience is like. So I'm curious to get your perspective. But it seems like there's two pieces that are contrary or not contrary, but like maybe feeding into this. I make a lot of money, but I still want a man to make more than me. One is the like security and safety side of things and the other one is this attraction point to more, to men who are more dominant. So where do, where do you see safety and security playing into this conversation? And where do you see dominance playing into this conversation? How does that matter?

Why do you need a man to make more money than you if you're making good money for safety and security? I don't know exactly. I mean, I think, I think it's conditioning.

Yeah, it certainly might be conditioning. And do you, would you say that that conditioning has a net negative impact on women?

Yes, because the thing is, she shouldn't be narrowing her options based on how much money he makes. She should be narrowing her options based on his level of, of of character and purpose in the world, regardless of how much he makes. If you're someone who can take care of yourself financially.

So this idea is what I'm trying to say because this is something that I've had to confront in myself as well as someone who earns but didn't used to.

You know, and so and was raised with. You depend on a man to take care of you financially. And that's sort of, that's one of his roles in your life. And.

You know, that works in certain households when you want to be the mom at home. And I'm not pooh poohing that at all, you know. But.

Why it's incredibly empowering for a woman who's always thought that she had to depend on a man for her safety and security financially.

For her to start making her own money, but then to then say if she's making a lot of money, well, now I need a man who's even richer than me. What she's actually saying on unconscious level is that I need a man who's more powerful than me. And I think that that has some implications There that are not that positive because that buys into an old line of thinking that somehow the only way that you're going to admire and respect him is if he has some superiority over you, as opposed to admiring and respecting because of how he interacts with the world.

I think what arises for me is again, in this notion of the dominance piece. And I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying.

I'm challenging and, you know, doing all the things that make these conversations engaging. Because I think one of the things that.

Comes out of that is, is it wrong? Is it bad to have a partner who is superior in some way, shape or form? Like, I think. Let me explain what I'm saying before, you know, the audience comes at me.

I think in our modern culture, this notion of men have some traits that they are more dominant, like physicality, right? Like there's just. Biologically, physically, men are stronger, period. In almost every category. This has been proven time and time again. So there is a level of. I don't. I don't think superiority is necessarily the right word there, but there is a level of dominance, there is a level of potency that shows up in that category. And that's a draw for a lot of women. Right? For a lot of women, having a man that is strong physically, that's able to defend, that's able to, you know, take care, that take care of. Takes care of himself, that is an indicator of, oh, there's a certain level of proficiency. And so too are, you know, women own and possess and. And have different elements where they are superior to men. That I think.

Creates part of the attraction and part of the appeal. You know, I think that is a part of it that we each individually have our own elements where there is a desire, a connection, a sort of flourishing that can come out of, oh, you're really gifted in this area. You possess something that I don't naturally. And I love that. And I'm drawn to it. I'm allured by it.

Absolutely. And there's no question that women are heterosexual. Women primarily are attracted to strength. But why does that have to come in the form of their bank account when you are taking care of that for yourself? Anyway, you know, the problem is not. It's not about how much money he makes or how little money he makes. What we're talking about is a woman who has found a way to take care of herself financially and to be able to say, I don't need a man to take care of me financially, I don't need him. But Yet I still want a man who makes even more money than me. What is. And I just want to encourage her to do a little self reflection. What is that really all about?

As in it could be an insecurity, as in it could be a fear. Like what, what do you think is contributing to that?

To that notion again, this idea of I need a man to be superior to me in some way somehow. It's like there's this double edged sword of like or this two ways of looking at it. It's like I want to be a woman who's out in the workforce and doesn't need a man. But yet like somehow he's got to prove to me, like he's got to prove to me that, that somehow he's even better than me. And I think that, that it's almost like modern feminism sort of battling old thinking of women that we've been conditioned to believe, which is that we are not as capable, of course, we're not talking physically, but not as capable as men. And so if you're attracted to strength, the strength has to come in strength of character, strength of body, strength of mind, strength of passion.

Lots of men are making or lots of people make a lot of money and they're weak as hell.

Facts, fact.

So it's just something that I just think it's worth the contemplation. How much of that is your conditioning versus.

This is just what I'm attracted to. I think that we really. Because also it really would limit that particular woman's dating pool. And again, like we, like we've discussed before, there's plenty of men making a lot of money who have very, very weak, low character. So it's also about understanding where your priorities lie. And if you don't need that financial security, why then are you then demanding that they make more money than you like? It's, we're not even talking about as much or making good money or close enough. We're talking about the, the desire to have them make even more than you. I think that's something, I think that's old conditioning that needs to be addressed.

Yeah, it's interesting because I think there's a shifting of priorities and there's a shifting. I think what's interesting in this conversation for me is that when I pull back from it, it's how do we rely on each other within relationship. And I think what it almost sounds like we're talking about in some ways is this dance around reliance versus dependency. You know, it's like I can rely on you, if, you know you make a good living, right, if you're making just as much or you're making a little bit less is like there's a reliance there, but if there's a dependency, it sounds like that's what you're sort of pointing at is that we maybe can stay away from dependencies. Dependencies are part of the issue. Or like, does that relate to what you're saying?

I think at the end of the day, look, I know lots of women who, who have more money, whether it's family money or they're earning than, than their male partners and their male. And they're very happy, you know. So I think that all I'm saying is that a woman, if she is an earner and yet she still wants him to make more money than her, I think that there is an association with his making money and his power. And I think there has to be a shift to that think.

And a shift to just old conditioning. And I think that it would behoove that particular woman to get more comfortable and open up her mind to potentially being with someone who may make less money than her but is like still a powerhouse in his own right.

I think the big piece, one of the things that I have that I struggle with in certain dating advice or in the red pill stuff or, you know, certain, even certain elements of feminism, it's like it becomes very myopic and very one dimensional, right? If, if your primary indicator of a man's sense of power and potency and strength is his bank account and you ignore the rest of who that individual is, you're, you're missing out, like, you're just missing on, you're, you're taking one data point and allocating that one data point for his sense of power and potency. Just like the quality of a woman, if it's, if you're, if you're distilling it down to is she a man, right. It's just purely her beauty and that's all that you're looking for, then you're missing out on a huge part of who that person is and what you might want and what you might need. So I think this is, this is great. I really appreciate that insight and just being able to like, also challenge, challenge women in that way to say, like, hey, have a look at this part. You know, if this is coming up and you think that you need that, like, why is it, you know, why, why is that exactly that you think that you need that?

Everybody wants to be with someone who has some sort of purpose or power. Like, I don't. The shift that I'm seeing is that men don't just want, like, the pretty arm candy anymore. They actually want someone who is very powerful in her own right, too. And I think that, you know, it. It goes well beyond someone's bank account. Well beyond someone's bank account.

Ra.