Why Women Are Scared Of Being Led By A Man

Welcome. I'm Connor Beaton, and this is the mantalk show, Training for Men and Answers for Women. Now, on today's show, we're going to talk about why some women are scared to be led by a man. This is probably going to be a controversial topic. Recently, I posted a.

Meme quote up on Instagram that was all about how a man can lead more effectively in a relationship. And for the most part, it was well received. People loved it and, you know, tagging their partners constantly. But I noticed that for some women, this was a big threat, and this was something that was met with a little bit of hostility, and they didn't like it, and they didn't like the idea of a man leading in the relationship. So I just wanted to clarify a few things and then talk about, give some context for both men and women why some women are scared to be led by a man. Okay. And if you want, I can do a separate podcast on why some men struggle to be led by a woman in a relationship and struggle to allow a woman to lead in the relationship. But that's a whole different subject. So, first and foremost, a man leading a relationship does not mean that a woman cannot share in said leadership. Okay, that's not what I'm talking about. There seems to be this misconception on some people's fronts where as soon as we enter into a conversation around a man leading a relationship, leading his family, leading himself and his health and his life, some women get very defensive and reactive and sort of launch an attack of, well, I don't need a man. I don't need a man to take care of me. I don't need a man to look out for me or lead me. And it's like, okay, well, maybe you don't, but also, how's that going for you? Right? I think we have to be a little bit honest here. Men. Men really enjoy leading. Right. Leadership is synonymous with trust. Right. And I would imagine that a lot of the women that are listening to this podcast enjoy leading as well. This isn't to discredit or diminish your capacity to lead in your life as a woman, in the relationship, in your career, in your business, in your work environment, in your family. This is not taking away a man's capacity to lead, is not taking away your ability to lead your life. Okay? Okay. So we're just very clear on that. But for some women, it's very challenging to surrender, to soften into allowing a man to lead. And I see this a lot with the iconic, classic, independent, modern Woman. And a lot of these independent women struggle to find men that can, quote, unquote, keep up with them. I hear a lot of women asking me questions like, why are men so intimidated by me? I hear this all the time. And the truth is, the hard truth that you probably don't want to hear is that. But it's likely because you will not surrender to him. It's likely because there is a lack of wanting to. And when I say surrender, let me explain this. There's a lack of wanting to soften and allow him to lead. Allow him to feel like he has a function and a place in your life. Because, ladies, that's what men are craving. And guys, if you haven't sort of piece this one out yet, if you're feeling conflicted with your partner and you're not really too sure why, but you've sort of identified that it feels like she won't let you lead in certain areas, it's probably because you feel like you don't have a place in her life. It probably feels like she's so independent she needs nothing from you and that your role is very unclear. Now, this doesn't mean that we should become codependent on each other. It doesn't mean that we should heavily rely on each other. It simply means that we acknowledge the fact that we all lead very busy lives and it is convenient for us as a couple when we are in relationships with other people to balance the workload, to balance the load of choices and decisions that we have within our lives on a day to day basis. And that some of us are going to be based on our skill sets, based on our backgrounds, based on our upbringing, based on our confidence and core competencies. Some of us will be more proficient at making choices and decisions and leading the relationships in different areas than other people. All right, so for example, one of you, woman or man, might be more competent, more confident, more comfortable with leading the sexual growth and sexual exploration and sexual expansion within the relationship. All right? Now that can be either partner. The other person might be more proficient with leading the finances within the relationship.

Another example is that you might be more proficient with leading the health and wellness of the relationship and the family. All right, so there is a benefit to us sharing in the leadership of the relationship. This isn't an archaic form of, you know, are we going to go back to this old school way of doing a relationship where the man makes all the decisions and the women just goes, the woman just goes along with it? That's not what this is about. All right, so let's dig in. Why are some women scared of being led by a man? The first one is that it feels like we were talking about before, like it's a threat to their sense of independence. And this is a very real thing, because for a lot of modern women, they have built incredible careers, amazing businesses, they've built great lives for themselves. And then they get into a relationship with a man who wants to be able to contribute to their life, wants to be able to support them, wants to be able to.

Help in making some of the decisions to make her life a little easier, a little less stressful, to feel like they are a team, a unit, making decisions together. But that can feel very confronting, because for a lot of those independent women, maybe they grew up in a household where their mother was constantly telling them, you can't trust a man. You can't rely on a man. Maybe her father was abusive or neglectful or abandoning, and so she heard a lot of messages and narratives growing up that men can't be trusted and that they're just slobs and that they can't be trusted to make decisions. And so there are a lot of women in our modern culture right now that view men as incapable of healthy leadership, where the feminine is taken into consideration. And there. And I understand why that's there, because that is true in some cases. There are some men that don't take women's needs, wants, desires, the feminine needs, wants, and desires into consideration. I get that. All right. If you're with one of those men, then, you know, you need to sort that out. Maybe it's not the relationship for you and guys. If you're one of those guys that doesn't take your, you know, the women in your life's considerations, desires, and wants into consideration, then you need to rethink your life. But I would imagine you're probably not tuned in this podcast if you are one of those people. So we're going to move on. Number two, why some women are scared of being led by a man is that they've never known what it's like to have a man lead because they have a wound, probably with their father or their grandfather or a past relationship. Maybe that male figure was abusive. Maybe his anger was wildly out of control. Or maybe, just maybe, she grew up with a pushover man who didn't have any backbone, who allowed manipulation and other forms of verbal or emotional abuse to run rampant in the family. And so she didn't trust a man's leadership because what she grew up with was seeing a man who wasn't capable of taking ownership, who wasn't capable of taking leadership. Now for the last one, for some women, it's because they've been so hurt by a man that they have allowed, that they have let lead them in the past. And that one's a really deep wound, and it can feel very fresh. So that every time in a relationship that a man is trying to lead and make decisions or lead the relationship to expanding sexually or expanding its communication or having healthier boundaries, maybe that's when she feels the most threatened. Because for her, this is a feeling of like, oh, you are trying to manipulate me. You're trying to get me to soften. You're trying to catch me off my guard. And then you're going to cheat or you're going to lie to me or you're going to hurt me just like so and so did. So these are just some of the reasons. I'm sure I didn't catch all of them, but these are some of the reasons why some women are afraid to let a man lead within the container of a relationship. So, guys, how do we start to interject, start to allow ourselves to take up a little bit more space in the relationship, and how do we start to lead a little bit more effectively and efficiently for our partners? Well, first thing is you have to acknowledge the pain. You have to acknowledge that for your partner, she might want to have you lead in certain areas, but it might be really challenging for her. It might not be an easy thing. It might be one of the most challenging things that she's being faced with in her life right now is the idea of softening and letting you sort of take the reins in certain parts of the relationship, in certain parts of your life as a couple. And so that can be very confronting for her to trust you. So acknowledge that it's confronting. Acknowledge that maybe there's wound, a wound there and a pain from the past, whether it's a past partner or a father or a brother, whoever it is, and take the time to really hear what's happened for her in her past, understand why it's complex, understand her hurt, understand what she's feeling, understand why it feels threatening for you to step into that space. The next thing is that we need to realize as men that your leadership in a relationship is not a replacement for her strength, for her independence, or for her freedom to choose. She still maintains all of that on her own. So what I see a lot of men struggling with is that they start to lead in the relationship and then they kind of get hot headed or frustrated because they have all of a sudden this expectation that their partner should just surrender entirely and that everything will be okay. That's not it. Right? She is going to want to maintain her independence, she's going to want to maintain her strengths, and she's still going to want to contribute to the relationship, to your life, to every single part of your relationship. So the next piece is that when you have these conversations with your partner, you need to be able to stay grounded and, and stay present. If you are having a conversation with your partner about, you know, maybe her past and how she had been hurt from a past partner when he was leading, a lot of guys will get very, they'll take it personally and they'll get maybe offended or their pain will get in the way, or they'll make it about themselves. And sometimes insecurities will come up in there of like, oh, well, I'm not doing the right thing, I'm not making the right choice. I'm not leading properly. That space when you're having that conversation with your partner is not about you. All right? Try as best as you can to stay grounded, stay present. Whether that means that you meditate beforehand or do some breath work beforehand, or just very clearly set the intention that that conversation is not going to be about you, allow yourself to really show up and create a powerful place for her to have that conversation. The next piece is accepting her chaos. Now, I know this can sound maybe a little bit confronting to some of the women that are on the podcast that are listening to this, but guys, you know, there are, there's going to be a bit of chaos, right? If you are wanting to step into a space of leading a little bit more in the relationship of being the one who is creating the direction for some of the growth of the relationship, whether that's the growth of the communication, the growth of boundaries, the growth of sexual exploration, there is going to be a natural period, a natural time where there is some chaos that is coming out of your partner. It's going to be challenging for her, right? And we need to be able to accept that that is there.

It might be hard for her to trust you based on her past or based on yours. Maybe you don't have the best track record of being someone who is trustable, who has proven his own leadership in relationships. And this is the important part. It's remembering that leadership and trust go hand in hand. And so what we're really talking about, what we're really talking about is A woman's capacity to trust a man. And that might be colored by her past, by her past relationships, or by your past relationships that you're coming into the relationship with. Lastly, call her out. Call her forward with compassion. So if you get to a place where you've had these conversations, and she said, yeah, you know what? I really. I do want you to lead. I want you to take care of X, Y, and Z. I want you to just choose on a Friday night what the date looks like, and I want you to plan the whole thing. And I don't want to do a damn thing. I just want to show up, and I want you to have organized all of it. And I'm craving that. I'm desiring it. So you take care of it. If she is not allowing that to happen, if she's getting in the way, I'll give you a perfect example. A couple weeks ago, Vienna said, I just really want you to make dinner. And I was like, okay. And she's like, okay, well, you choose it. You just make it. I'm tapped out. And I was like, okay, great. So. So I start making dinner, and she is literally standing in the kitchen, looking over my shoulder, critiquing what I'm doing, how I'm cooking the pasta sauce, asking me if I've done X, Y, and Z. And then she does this little maneuver where she reaches around me and tries to get in between me and the stove. And I was like, babe, I think you need to back off and just allow me to take care of this. You requested that I take care of dinner, that I just take the lead on this. You are trying to inject yourself. Go sit on the couch, get out of the kitchen. Let me take care of this. So call her forward with compassion. Remind her that this is something that you've agreed on, and do it in a compassionate way. Do it in a light way. It doesn't need to be met with harshness. It doesn't need to be met with aggression or with her hypercritical nature. Meet that part of her with playfulness and with compassion and with empathy. Because for a lot of women, they have had to take care of themselves. They've had to tend to themselves. They've had to really be the only responsible person in their lives. And they are not used to having a man be able to step in and provide and protect and lead in these ways. And so when there is that conflict and you can see that she is struggling to maybe soften and allow you to take care of what you've both agreed on, then call her forward compassionately and remind her of your agreement. So I hope that you found this to be useful. What I would recommend is listen to this with your partner. Listen to it once on your own. Share with your partner, listen to it with them, and if you have any friends that you think could use this specific episode, definitely share it with them. Don't forget to tag me on whatever platform you share it on, especially on Instagram. I'm all over there right now and so please feel free to tag me in that and share it with someone that you know will benefit. So thank you so much for tuning in today. This is Connor Beaton signing off.