Women are Delusional and Men are Disenfranchised - The Problem With Modern Relationships

Whether you are single, dating in a relationship, situationship, married, wherever you are on the relationship spectrum, what most people are saying is that relationships have gotten a lot harder. Dating has gotten a lot harder. Maintaining a relationship has gotten a lot harder. Now, of course, we could point our finger at the dating apps, which certainly aren't helping, and we could talk about that endlessly. The system that people are operating in, the inflation, the economy, the court systems, the legality of marriage, all play a role. But in all of those things, and behind all those things, and in all relationships, there are people. And that's what I want to talk about today, because I sit in a very unique vantage point. I work predominantly with men. I run a company called Man Talks, so I get to hear men's complaints all the time. I get to hear the situations that men are in. I get to hear the circumstances that men are in. But I also work with my wife, who's a marriage and family therapist, and we work with a ton of couples. I also have the unique vantage point of having a lot of women follow me. I know a lot of you are listening to this right now. I get your messages about the men that you're dating and the. The relationships that you have just gone through that have ended, that weren't great. I hear about the divorces and the marriages that failed, the infidelities, the hardship, the hurt, the attachment issues, et cetera. So I have a very unique vantage point. And after hearing for the last few years what's been going on, I've tried to disseminate down into one statement, which is going to piss some of you off, probably both sides of the spectrum, men and women. It's probably going to piss most of you off. But I've tried to disseminate this down to a fundamental truth that I think is happening for most people. And I think what's happening in modern dating is that women have become delusional and men are completely different, disenfranchised. And I'm going to break those two things down. So before you get in the comments section, you start to defend yourself. I'm not delusional. I'm not disenfranchised. Hear me out, okay? Share this with somebody. Man it forward. Share this with somebody that you think would enjoy this conversation that could maybe benefit from what I'm about to lay out. And don't forget to subscribe wherever you are listening. All right, let's get in. Let's start with you, ladies. Women are delusional. And there are three things that are making Women delusional within the current dating and relationship world that I think everybody should be aware of. And men, I'm going to address you next. You're not off the hook. First and foremost, ladies, your expectations. We need to talk about your expectations. Now. I know some women are going to be immediately in the comments about this one. Men just need to rise up. Men need to be better and men need to da, da, da, da, da. I get it sometimes that is the case. But the reality is that this needs to be said. The man that some women expect to date doesn't exist outside of her head. Okay? The man that some of you expect to date doesn't exist in the world. He only exists in your head. Your expectations are the reason that you can't find a man that you could actually be in relationship with because you are married and in love with the image of the man that you have either created in your head or think that you are entitled to. And that's happening for a number of reasons. Right? We could talk about how Disney has sort of sold and indoctrinated women into this Prince Charming notion that there's this utopian man out there for each and every single one of you who is perfect and never does anything wrong and never loses his temper and just really isn't a human being. Right? He's a cartoon character. And I don't mean that in a derogatory sense. I'm not trying to degrade you. I'm not saying that you don't deserve an exceptional love. I'm not even saying that you don't deserve an exceptional relationship or man who elevates your life that you admire, that you respect. I hope that and wish that for all of you, which is why I'm having this conversation. So Disney and Modern Commentary has sold an image of men, of a man to women that is unrealistic. And that man is usually an Omni Man. I call him Omni Man. And Omni man is the man who can do everything all the time, the best and better than any other man. It's an impossible role for men to fill. Right? So there's a lot of women that. And you know, it went viral. The looking for a guy in finance, six, five, blue eyes, whatever the hell the thing was. Right? And while that may have been a joke for some women, that is literally the thing they have dialed in their selection preference to be such a narrow bandwidth that they ignore the men that they would actually be fulfilled, satiated, satisfied by deeply in love with. Because their criteria and their list Your list and your criteria matters more than the man who is in front of you. You miss out on the genuine, loving, lovable man that you could fall in love with in front of you because he doesn't meet the criteria that you laid out before you met him. Now, I think that that's part of the expectations, but the other part is that for the most part, women's mating strategy or selection strategy has not evolved with the current state of the world. Right? Women generally look for you. Ladies generally look for men who are up and to the right. You want to date men who are up and to the right, meaning that they have more financial stability or ability to procure goods, services, finances, or they have some type of elevated status. And as women have risen economically, as women have risen in status, the selection preferences hasn't changed. And so a lot of you are out there making more money than the majority of men. You have more social status, more sort of economic status than the men that are out there. And yet your expectations of who you are going to date are still the same. But the dating pool that exists within those selection preferences is so astronomically small, you know, so if you're looking for a guy in finance at 6:5 with blue eyes, with a trust fund that's like 0.0000001% of the population, you know, and you have to be in a very specific zip code in Manhattan in order to find that dude. And even then, that dude is likely not incentivized to be in a relationship with you because he's got thousands and thousands of options from which he can select from. So expectations are the enemy of a woman's relationship, okay? They feed into the delusion. Again, I'm not saying anything about you personally. I'm not attacking you personally. I'm saying that some of the expectations that, that you have bought into are not helping your dating life, your relationship life, because maybe you're in a relationship with an exceptional man, but every time one of his flaws comes up, you start to think about the dude that you saw on Tinder before the guys, before you guys met, right? Or the guy that you came into contact with at work, you know, the owner's son or whatever it is, right? And so you start to compare the man that you are with or the man that you're dating to the expectations, the image, or who you think society has sold to you. The second thing that creates the delusion is that women are better than men relationally. Okay, Ladies, I have worked with so many couples and I have received so many DMs over the last 10 years. I have received so many messages and emails from women who reach out to me and in some way, shape or form insinuate that they are better at the relationship than their male counterpart. And they say things like, well, women just communicate better. Women are nicer, Women nurture the relationship. They're the ones that make sure the relationship happens or is, you know, maintained. And of course, there's examples of this. Of course there are men that are out there who are not good at relationships, who don't invest into the relationship. But this is certainly not universally true. Men and women contribute something equally important to the relationship and negating what men bring to the relationship, which might be different from you. Right? What a man brings into a relationship with you might actually be something different than what you bring in to the relationship. And so what a woman adds to a relationship, sorry, what women believe and have bought into that creates the delusion, is that what women add and contribute to the relationship is fundamentally more valuable and more important to the relationship than what men add and contribute. And this creates part of the delusion, and not only that, it creates a power imbalance as soon as you enter into the relationship. So a lot of modern women have bought into this notion that what men bring to the table in a relationship, whatever he's bringing, I'm not even going to list some of those things off because you can just see the arguments in the comments section. Whatever a man does bring into a relationship is not as inherently valuable as what a woman brings into the relationship, and that is false. Men bring extremely valuable things into relationships. Maybe a man embodies a sense of direction, a sense of vision for the family that is completely invaluable. Maybe a man is bringing in a sense of assertiveness and boundaries that are going to help create direction. Who knows? I'm just giving some examples. I'm not saying that those are the only things. The third thing.

Is entitlement. Just going to drop it there. I'm just going to put the gavel down. The third thing that's creating this delusion is this entitlement. Again, Disney and modern culture have sold, you have sold so many women the idea that they are entitled to this perfect, utopian, whimsical type of relationship without any flaws with the perfect men. And so women carry this type of entitlement of I deserve X, I deserve Y. I hear it all the time, I get messages and DMs from women, all that I deserve to have a man who fill in the blank. And the hard thing about this is that there's, there's this notion that you are entitled to a certain type of man which is not given. And the problem that happens for a lot of people, for a lot of relationships is that when men feel that entitlement from you, they don't want to date you. Nobody wants to date somebody who's entitled, right? Just like you probably wouldn't want to date a man who's extremely arrogant and overly cocky. It might be kind of sexy, a little bit of it, you know, little sprinkle here and there. But a guy who is overly entitled and overly arrogant, I deserve X. You should be doing this for me, right? And I think probably an example of this is that some men bring in sexual entitlement into relationship. I am entitled to sex. I'm entitled to you putting out and, you know, giving me what I want sexually. That's what I'm entitled to. Well, the inverse of that is women saying, I'm entitled to the type of man that I think I deserve. And there was this interesting poll that was put out and it asked men, you know, if you met a woman who was an 8 out of 10 for you, looks wise, character wise, you know, she met a lot of the sort of things that you were looking for, she was an 8 out of 10, would that be good? Would that be good enough for you to choose in a long term relationship? And the majority of men said yes. When women were asked the exact same question, you find a man who's an 8 out of 10 for you, looks, humor, characteristics, attitude, finances, da, da da da. Do you take them? The majority of women said no. So women have a sense of, I am entitled to the perfect man for me. And that feeds into this delusion. Now men, let's talk to you because men are disenfranchised. And again, I'm just going to say this right out of the gates. Neither one is better or worse, right? This is a equal 100%, 100% contribution to the Gong show of modern relationships and modern dating, okay? Women being delusional and men being disenfranchised. One's not better than the other, one's not worse than the other. They are equally contributing to a systemic problem that is hurting people in getting the relationships and the love that they ultimately want. So let's talk to you guys. Men are disenfranchised. Why are you disenfranchised? Well, one of the things that I hear a lot as soon as this comes up is well, of course men are disenfranchised. Women are X, right? Women are X. I'm disenfranchised because women are this way. They want too much. They're not loyal. All, you know, all. So many women are jacked up on antidepressants. Or so many women aren't taking care of themselves and they're overweight. Or so many women just hate men. There's no more faithful, good, loyal women left. And so men are disenfranchised because they have bought into this notion that they can't get a relationship because there's something wrong with women. So you guys have bought into this notion. Men, so many of you have bought into this sort of. Women are the problem. Women are the problem. It's not me. It's not because maybe I'm awkward. It's not because maybe I haven't put the effort in to dress myself well or develop more social skills or turn myself into. Or I'm in the process of turning myself into the best version of myself that would be the most attractive to women. No, you've bought into this bullshit notion that you can't get a woman because there's something wrong with women and you're not willing to look at yourself as maybe part of the contributing problem and factor to the fact that you are single. Women keep breaking up with you. You can't hold down a relationship. You find a relationship with women that you don't actually like and you stay in that relationship. You're at the epicenter of the issue. And the notion that it's women's fault is part of the problem. It's part of the problem that you are disenfranchised. The second thing, the second reason why men are disenfranchised. So I'm saying that straight out the gates, because I can hear, and I've seen all of the comments on YouTube and all the comments on Instagram of men being like, yeah, of course I'm disenfranchised because the legal system around divorce is just such garbage and men are blah, blah, blah. Put all that aside for a moment, okay? It's not that I disagree with that. It's that you can make the things that are out of your control the reason why you don't have the love life that you want all day long and you're just going to stay miserable, okay? So let's put those things out of the way. Let's stop blaming women and let's pull back to your own sense of sovereignty and authority. You are not a Victim to women. But that brings me to reason number two. Men are disenfranchised with women because of the same damn thing that has existed within men for thousands of years since the dawn of time, which is men's unconscious fear of women. Men at a fundamental level are afraid of women and can't admit it. Most of you guys are struggling to make relationships work because you're afraid of rejection, you're afraid of not being picked. You're afraid of how to handle a woman who is clear and resolute about what she wants or she's boundaried. You are afraid of her emotional and maybe even sensual potency. Right? You say that she's too much. You say that she's whatever it is that you are complaining about. But you are afraid of women. You are afraid of how they act or respond. Men are also afraid of getting lost or being swallowed up by a woman. I'm afraid that I'll get lost when I fall in love. I'm afraid that I'll lose my sense of independency. I'm afraid that I'll lose my sovereignty. So men are disenfranchised because most men have an unconscious fear of women that they haven't come into contact with. And because of that, they choose partners that reinforce that fear. They choose very dominant women. They choose very assertive women. That reinforces this belief, oh, women should be feared, right? I'm afraid of women. Or they choose women that they completely lose themselves to and they have no boundaries. They don't, you know, they don't set boundaries for themselves or the relationship. And they fall so in love that they become addicted to. To love. And you lose yourself in the dynamic. So this fear stems from this very deep fear of being afraid, of being out of control, being caged, feeling trapped, feeling controlled by women. And so part of your work is to reconcile with your own feminine nature. I said in my book, men treat women the way that they treat their own unconscious. Men treat women the way that they treat their own unconscious. So women often will activate the fears that you have about yourself, the insecurities that you have about yourself. And unless you are willing to look at those things, you will constantly be projecting those things onto women and you'll be saying women are too assertive. Women are, they're so angry these days. Well, how's your anger? How's your relationship to your own assertiveness? Maybe you're complaining about that because you lack assertiveness, because you haven't connected to your own level of your own Healthy kind of anger. So men are disenfranchised because of their fear of women. And lastly, and this one's probably not the sexiest one, but men are disenfranchised because they've become fragile. Many of you guys, and this isn't an attack on you. This isn't to shame on you, but.

It'S not to make you wrong. However, there are a lot of men that are out there who are extremely fragile. Anti risk, anti adversity. Right? We as men, part of the role that allows for the masculine feminine dance to happen is that you step into and cultivate and curate a sense of risk and adversity. In the mating and dating pursuit. The act of pursuing a relationship is the cultivation of your antifragility. For lack of a better term, it's the cultivation of you saying, I'm going to take a risk of getting rejected, of getting turned down, of getting hurt, of putting myself out there, of being real and letting somebody really know who I am and maybe having that person not choose me. Right. In the act of dating and relationships, you are developing a sense of having resiliency in the face of adversity, being able to get turned down by a woman, being able to have an awkward conversation. And so many men have bought into this notion that what women want is a soft, cuddly man and is completely bs. And so a lot of men are waiting for women to make the first step. They're afraid of, you know, a me too thing of like, oh, I asked her out and, you know, she went online and, you know, complained that I was trying to pick her up in a coffee shop. But this has caused so many of you to stop approaching, to stop talking to women, to taking risks with the women, even the women that you date. And it has caused so many of you to become complacent in the relationship itself. Oh, I got her. I don't have to work anymore. Right, I got her. I don't have to take risks anymore. I don't have to face challenges anymore. I don't want to deal with this bs. Oh, she's complaining. She's being critical. I don't want to deal with this bs. I don't want to face the adversity that sometimes comes along with a real intimate relationship that can sometimes go through challenges and hardship. And so you, if you're listening to this or just, we as men in general have to move back towards a pro risk in a healthy way, pro adversity in a healthy way, antifragile way of being in relationship because otherwise we become the victim. And I see so many men online, in forums, on subreddits, in the YouTube comments, on the Instagram comments, blaming women for everything. So many men in the modern culture have just victim puked all over dating and relationships and women and they have become fragile. Women are the problem. I'm disenfranchised because of women and there's nothing wrong with me. It's that women need to change and go back to something or alter something or believe in something else. Sure, maybe there's a bunch of women that don't fit into your mold and that aren't a good fit for you, that's probably true. But being so fragile that you can't approach women, that you can't have any type of conflict with women, that you can't talk about your needs or your wants or your sexual desires with women is part of the problem. It's the reason why you are disenfranchised with dating because you are not taking a risk, because you're not willing to face adversity. And you need to put yourself in the arena. You need to become more resilient, more relationally resilient, more sexually resilient, more communication based resilient. So if all of that hit home, wherever you are, whether you agreed with me or not, whether you hate what I said or not, I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Share it in the comments below. If you're watching this on YouTube, man it forward. Share this episode with you, with somebody that you know would enjoy it. Maybe this is something that you listen to with your partner and have an open dialogue about or share with somebody that you're, you know, you've started dating and have a conversation about. But until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.